You know, it's funny the way the mind works sometimes. You would think that with the way the subconscious is portrayed in movies and books that it would automatically know how to react in stressful situations, even if you yourself have no idea. A perfect solution should pop into your head as if from nowhere and, without any thought on your part, your body would react exactly the way it's supposed to and you'd come back to your senses to find the situation resolved. Well, let me let you in on a little secret.
That's fucking bullshit.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that not only is that fucking bullshit but the mind is actually less qualified to deal with stress than the body.
Allow me to elaborate.
You see, after I heard the words "Hello, faggot" being spoken by the one person in the world, or at least in the bathroom with me right then, that I could say would want to literally KILL me the very first thing that popped into my mind was 'That was nice of him to say hi'. My body on the other hand reacted in a manner much more appropriate to the situation.
It locked up and promptly tried to piss itself.
I don't think I'd ever in my life been more glad to have just peed because I could actually FEEL my bladder implode in an attempt to push out any last drop that might be in there. It was like my body was trying to take the first step in making me look as pathetic as possible in the hope that the hulking shadow of rage and hate behind me might take pity on me and only maim me a bit instead of actually finishing me off. I'm pretty sure step two would include tears and maybe a bit of begging but sadly my body did too good of a job in the earlier 'locking up' phase and I couldn't have opened my mouth to save my life.
Not that it would do any good anyway.
I was pretty sure that I was living my last moments, or at least my last moments where I was able to feel anything from the neck down. It was kind of pathetic that my last sight would be the off white tiles on the bathroom walls. Isn't my life supposed to flash before my eyes in situations like this? I'd much rather be reliving a Vicky moment or a moment of my family before my parents got divorced or one of me and Jason's semi-rare meaningful conversations. Hell, I'd rather be reliving the time I got locked outside my house during the middle of winter in Alaska and had to spend three hours trying not to catch hypothermia than staring at these goddamn tiles waiting to die.
I think it was my sudden hatred of the bathroom wall plus the sudden realization that it had been fifteen seconds since Skip spoke and I still hadn't felt any fists or feet come into contact with my body that finally broke my little freeze up thing and I decided that I'd much rather see it coming than continue to stare at the wall waiting to die. I slowly managed to turn around.
The first thing I noticed when I was finally face to face with the boy who was most likely going to end my life was how goddamn INTIMIDATING he was up close. I'd never really taken the time to actually study him up close before, most of our previous interactions being him shoving me out of his way in the halls, but even though he was only about two or three inches taller than me, shorter than Jason really, he seemed to tower over me. He was pretty, well, I guess stocky would be the best word. Wide, but not built or anything. That's not to say he didn't have muscle but it was hidden under a thin, very out of place layer of boyish baby fat. Honestly, he might have been halfway decent to look at if his face wasn't screwed up in an expression that radiated rage and promised pain.
He didn't move yet, he just kept glaring at me. In some ways that was worse than if he had started wailing away at me. It made me think he was planning out the best way to cause as much pain as possible. Or maybe he was just trying to figure out where he could hide the body.
I'm not sure how long we stared at each other without moving. It felt like at least three eternities but it couldn't have been more than thirty seconds or so because the bell still hadn't rung yet. I've never really been all that patient, as has been pretty well documented I think, and even though I was pretty much waiting for the worst, and possibly last, beating of my life all I could think was "just get it over with already!" It was actually a relief when he cracked his knuckles and started wordlessly moving towards me.
Now, if this was a book or a movie this is usually the part where I'd use my secret karate skills and wipe the floor with him thus striking a blow against the tyranny of bullies for oppressed kids everywhere. Or somebody bigger and tougher than Skip would walk in and stop him from killing me. Or maybe my undeveloped super power would kick in and I'd throw him across the bathroom with a concussion blast or a mind bullet or something. Sadly, this is real life, and while I'd love to say that I went one on one with the great one and in the end I was the one left standing due to my strength or my fighting skills, that's not quite the way this worked out.
As he walked towards me I moved back as far as I could until I was pressed up against the urinal. This was it. Again I thought this would be a perfect moment for my life to flash before my eyes but, nope, still nothing. Instead time seemed to slow down. Great, now the ten seconds before I got my ass kicked would seem like ten minutes. Thanks a lot subconscious!
He was now right in front of me, glaring at me with a mixture of hate and anticipation. He cocked his right fist back so it was level with his ear and paused. It wasn't hesitation or him having second thoughts about putting his fist through my skull but a way to intimidate me, to let the fear build up as I anticipated the first punch of what would no doubt be many. It worked.
It worked too well.
Time came crashing back and all at once the slow build up of fear turned into blind panic. I regained full control of my body for a split second only to lose it again as the panic took over. Without even realizing it I kicked out, more of a flail really, and, in what is probably the biggest proof of the existence of some kind of 'higher power' that I'll ever experience in my entire life, the very tip of my sneaker covered foot somehow made direct contact with the balls of Skip Williams.
It was seriously a one in a million shot. Have you ever tried to kick someone in the nuts? It's not as easy as it seems in the movies. The body automatically reacts to any kick aimed at the crotch area by twisting out of the way and bringing the thighs together. Even if you manage to somehow kick at someone with terrible reflex's and they don't twist away you have to connect with the tip of your foot or else risk hitting the person's ass.
Hey, I may not have any fighting skills or experience, but I've been trying on and off to kick Jason in the balls for years so I've become kind of an expert on the subject. In fact, that's probably why that kick was the first thing my panic filled body tried to do. It's the one fighting move it was used to.
Luckily, it was a pretty effective one.
After my foot connected he was actually LIFTED into the air slightly so that he was standing on his toes for just a second. His eyes bulged almost cartoonishly out of his head and with a small exhalation and what I swear was a tiny "eep" sound he COLLAPSED into a moaning, pain-filled heap on the floor.
I probably should have ran. I mean, I'm not trapped anymore and he's certainly not going to be following me anytime soon so I should be halfway down the hall crying tears of relief that I'm not a bloody stain on the wall right now. The problem was I was too shocked to move.
I just won a fight with Skip Williams.
Not much of a fight, really. Certainly not an epic confrontation complete with villain speeches, super fast martial arts and three different final forms, but it WAS a fight. He was throwing a punch and I knocked him out before he could land a single blow. That counts and I won.
David killed Goliath.
Scipio defeated Hannibal.
Ali KO'd Foreman.
Nathan Ellis kicked Skip Williams in the balls.
Can you really blame me for wanting to drink that in for a bit?
I stood there enjoying the feeling of being a TOTAL BADASS for a few minutes too long though because just then the door opened and two guys walked in. Once again time slowed down and I saw everything with the kind of picture perfect clarity that I'd been praying for earlier. The world seemed to freeze as I took in every detail. Skip on the floor, moaning and holding his crotch. Me with my back still against the wall, pants unbuttoned from before and a look of shock still on my face. The two boys, both in my grade, stopped short to stare at the scene before them. My subconscious, which had failed me so horribly just minutes ago, seemed to be trying to make up for leaving me high and dry because with a sudden flash of insight I had the answer to the 'Skip Problem'.
I knew how I could destroy him.
The problem was I wasn't sure I wanted to. He was an asshole and a bully and I didn't think he'd ever done anything in his life to make him worthy of mercy but, at heart, I wasn't a cruel person. I didn't take pleasure in ruining other peoples lives. And make no mistake, if I did what popped into my head I would be ruining his life, in a way that would even go beyond what might have happened to Vicky and me if we didn't have fangirl protection. I didn't think I could knowingly do that to anyone. I would have left right then if another thought didn't pop into my head a split second later.
What if it had been Vicky instead of me?
It could have been. Easily. Maybe not in this bathroom and maybe not today but it could have happened. Could Vicky have done what I did? Or would he have been beaten within an inch of his life and maybe one step beyond? I didn't know. And as always the not knowing was the thing that tore me up. I'd like to say that I made my decision after careful thought and analysis but my mind was made up the second the first image of Vicky standing five feet away from Skip Williams in a deserted bathroom came into my head.
I was never all that good at lying, just ask my mom. I was especially terrible at while I was under any kind of stress or if I was afraid but the same little subconscious voice that was telling me that this spur of the moment plan would work was telling me that I could pull this off. That I could make this lie believable.
Time once again came crashing back as I screwed my face up into what I hoped was an expression of outrage, disgust and fear. I pretended not to notice that there was anyone else in the bathroom but me and Skip.
"Don't you EVER fucking touch me again you piece of SHIT!" I yelled at Skip. My voice cracked a bit. Good, that would add to the effect. "I'm never going to do that with you! NEVER! So keep your fucking hands OFF ME!"
I looked over at the two boys standing in by the doorway with expressions of open mouthed shock on their faces and pretended that I just noticed them. I stared at them with my own, less genuine but hopefully convincing, look of shock on my face. I saw them look at my unbuttoned pants, to Skip's crumpled moaning body, to my face and back to Skip. When I was as sure as I could be that they got the message I was trying to send I sucked in a breath that hitched in my throat. "Oh shit." I squeaked. I immediately closed my eyes like I was trying to hold back tears, ran towards the door, pushed past the still speechless boys and took off down the hall. I didn't stop until I was around the nearest corner and out of the line of sight of anyone that might have come out of the bathroom.
The hallway was deserted as the bell finally rang. I let out a short sigh of relief that was quickly followed by a quiet, giddy laugh. I did it. With a few shouts and looks I had completely and utterly destroyed the reputation of the most feared kid in school. Well, I guess that hadn't happened yet, but as sure as I'd ever known anything in my life I knew that's what would happen. Everything just clicked together perfectly. I knew that one of those boys, I'm pretty sure his name was Andrew, was on the lacrosse team and was dating probably the biggest gossip in the entire school. She also happened to be in that original group of girls from last Friday. By the end of the day the "truth" of how Skip Williams tried to force himself on one of the 'protected' gay kids and ended up getting his ass kicked by said kid would be all over school.
When that happened I don't think even the words "open season" would describe how much shit is gonna come down on his head.
I walked to my next class with my earlier visions of Vicky's swollen and bleeding face replaced with ones of Skip getting his ass kicked by every guy in school that was even slightly interested in scoring some points with a fangirl. Not to mention all the people who would want revenge for all the shit he put them through over the years now that he'd end up being abandoned by his ever present flock of lackey friends would be able to get it. I've gotta say as far as visions go that one was a trade up.
It wasn't until I got to class (surprisingly I didn't miss the five minute buffer) that I realized that I left my books back in the bathroom. I silently cursed to myself but realized that it was probably for the best. Leaving them behind would definitely sell my "terrified and ashamed" act. I was sitting at my desk trying to think up a good excuse for not having my books with me when someone stopped next to my and put something down on the desk in front of me. Two somethings actually. My books. I looked up at the person standing next to me and found myself looking into the eyes of the other boy from the bathroom, the one that wasn't Andrew....or Anthony....Anthony actually sounded like it fit better now. So this guy was not Anthony.
"Um, thanks." I said. I didn't have to fake my confusion or surprise. Not only did I not expect anyone to ever bring me books that I left behind but I had no idea this guy was even in my class. I really, REALLY, need to start paying attention to people.
"No problem." he said. "Are you ok? That was...."
"I don't wanna talk about it." I said quietly and was a bit surprised to find that I wasn't lying. Back in the bathroom I knew exactly what to say and how to act to get the result I wanted but now that I was out of that situation I had no idea what to say or do. My little voice was silent. It was more than that though, I was also starting to feel something other than satisfaction and amusement about what I'd done. I don't know what the feeling was, it wasn't a good feeling, but it sure as hell wasn't regret.
Nope, not even close.....
"I get it." the guy said and gave me a slight smile. "Just, well, don't worry ok? Trust me that won't be happening again." His voice sounded hard when he said that last part. Then he actually reached over and gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder before going over to his seat. It might have been my imagination but I could have sworn that his knuckles were a bit red.
Almost like they'd been hitting something.
Again there was that feeling. The one that totally wasn't regret. This was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to hurt, physically and emotionally, for what he could have, WOULD have, done to my Vicky. I wanted to make sure he was too busy dealing with all the people that were going to want to kick his ass to even think about coming near either of us again.
So now that it was apparently starting why couldn't I feel happy about it?
Maybe that feeling, that still wasn't any kind of regret, was just me being worried that this whole thing might get blown out of proportion. I knew how rumors worked. A guy could get taken to the hospital for stitches after cutting his finger open on the paper cutter during art class in first period and by fifth period everyone would be talking about how he cut his entire hand off and that their friend had a friend who got covered with the blood spraying from the stump. What if me being almost 'assaulted' in the bathroom turned into me getting brutalized and beaten to a pulp? What if THAT rumor reached Vicky before I had a chance to tell him what happened?
Well, if I wasn't panicking about that before I sure as hell was now.
I had to literally hold onto the desk to keep myself from running out of the classroom to find Vicky before any stories or rumors could. Even though I knew that there was no way something that happened mostly in private less than ten minutes ago could have made it's way around the school by now all I could think about was Vicky sitting in class overhearing a horribly exaggerated version of what happened and completely freaking out. Or having a heart attack and dying. Or pulling out a death ray and slaughtering half the school. Or about a million more ridiculous yet, to me, completely possible scenarios.
This class went even slower than the one before lunch. I swear to every God that ever existed that the second hand went backwards at least thirteen times and the minute hand went back at least twice. Instead of wanting to see time fly I was having fantasies about tying time up to a chair and beating it senseless with a rusty chain.
For someone who doesn't like being cruel I sure have some violent fantasies.
Finally the bell rang, on time even, and I was out of my seat and out the door. I remembered my books this time.
I'm not sure why I was running. Vicky wasn't in my next class and I knew I wouldn't see him until the end of the day but maybe if I got there faster it would end sooner. Hey, it could work!
If anything it made class longer because I had to sit and wait for the period to START before I could wait for it to finish. All through that period the feeling grew. What made it worse was that I KNEW it was stupid and I KNEW that Vicky wasn't somewhere freaking out because of what he heard happened to me but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. My imagination took over and no matter how much I tried to tell myself there was nothing to worry about by the time class ended I was almost having a full blown panic attack.
When the bell rang I once again ran out of class but apparently I wasn't the only student in school who wanted to get their Monday over as quickly as possibly because the halls quickly filled with laughing, shouting, annoyingly corporeal kids. Why the hell wouldn't they MOVE? Didn't they know I had an imaginary crisis on my hands!?
I finally made it to my locker. I didn't even bother waiting around for Vicky, I needed to see him in the worst way so of course he already got his stuff together and was waiting for me outside, probably in the last place I'd look for him. That's just the way these things worked.
I started to quickly shove my books and binders into my bag when I suddenly stopped and realized that I had no idea what I needed to take home with me. With everything that had been going on or that I'd been worried about going on I never actually paid any attention to what I had for homework. I noticed several people staring at me but I was pretty sure that was only because I couldn't stop laughing. I mean, I'd almost punched a kid out, held hands with my boyfriend in the middle of the hall, found out that I was basically being protected by a bunch of girls, KISSED my boyfriend in the middle of the hall and won a fight with the toughest kid in school but the thing that completely floors me is that I had no idea what my homework was? It was hilarious! Absolutely hilarious.
Ok, so maybe this is another one of those things that you had to be there for.
It took me a minute but finally my irrational fears about Vicky pushed themselves past my amusement and I was able to stop laughing and get my stuff together. I still had no idea what I needed so I just threw a few random books and a binder in there so it would at least look like I intended to do my work. Somehow I doubt my mom would appreciate me coming home with an empty bookbag.
As I left the school the panic was back in full force and I was half expecting......actually I have NO IDEA what I was expecting, my mind had stopped imagining specific scenarios and instead just started feeding me this constant feeling of SOMETHING BAD. I couldn't decide if that was better or worse than what I was thinking about before.
Like I thought, Vicky was already outside. Unlike I thought, he wasn't in the last place I looked for him. He was waiting right outside the school on the steps for me. I felt the tension and fear and panic flow out of my body as our eyes met and instead of......doing something bad....he smiled at me and calmly walked over.
"Hey..." he trailed off and frowned slightly. "You ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled. I know, I know! The entire reason I was freaking out was because I thought that a wildly exaggerated version of my lie about what happened in the bathroom would get to him before I could explain what really happened so I should have been explaining it but......in the second or two before he saw me he just looked so....content...waiting there. It was like he was never even remotely stressed about today and everything was just totally normal. Like waiting on the stairs for his boyfriend to walk out so he could greet him with a smile was the most normal thing ever. He looked happy, things were the way they were supposed to be and I didn't want to risk ruining that.
That wasn't the only reason though. Once my fear and panic left I still had that other feeling. The one that wasn't in any way regret. I didn't want it and something told me that Vicky might have his own feelings on what I did, some that might even be regret, and I really didn't want to bring him down. I'm not sure why I thought that. If anything you'd probably think he'd be thrilled that he might not have to worry about Skip anymore but he never really seemed all that worried in the first place and.....I was thinking too much. I'd tell him later before he left my house. I'd have to or else I'd just go back to worrying about him hearing something again. But for right now, I just wanted to enjoy being with him.
"You sure?" he asked. "You seem....off."
I let out a laugh that I really hoped didn't sound forced. "Yeah I'm cool. Well, maybe a little 'stage fright' about our kiss..." I hated lying to Vicky even indirectly. I WAS a little nervous about that but it obviously wasn't what was bothering me. Vicky seemed to buy it though and somehow that made me feel worse.
"Don't worry about it. I happen to know that your co-star is an amazing kisser so even if you completely suck he can cover for you." Vicky flashed me a teasing grin.
"Oh really?" I asked with mock surprise. I was actually surprised to find that I didn't have to fake being in a joking mood around Vicky. Despite feeling bad about breaking my promise not to lie to him I couldn't help letting his smile make me feel good. "Have you been making out with him behind my back?"
"No, but I've watched while he was making out with you and with the way you moan and pull him close there's no way he can be anything other than an amazing kisser." Vicky fake pouted. "I'm kind of jealous."
"When you come over later I could maybe show you some of the tricks he taught me. He does this awesome twisty thing with his tongue that I know you'll love." I said with a grin.
"I think I'm more interested in the way you whimper when he nibbles on your bottom lip. I'd love to hear that up close." Vicky gave me the same grin I was giving him but somehow managed to make it ten times sexier. Still, he was wrong. I do not whimper.
"I do not whimper." I pouted. A real pout by the way.
"You totally do." he shot back. "Every. Single. Time." He squinted seductively as he said this. I seriously never thought a squint could be seductive but Vicky managed it, easily. I should stop being surprised at things like that. He could probably make sea sickness sexy. It's safe to say that by now I'd all but forgotten about any other problems I might be having.
"I do not." Sexy or not I do NOT whimper. I moan, I groan, I beg for him to go harder or faster but I do not whimper, squeal or, god forbid, squee.
"You so do! Next time I'm gonna record it and play it back for you."
"You...wanna video tape us?" I asked with a surprised smile.
Vicky tried to hide it but I could see his cheeks start to turn red when he realized what he has suggested. "Well, no, I meant, like, you know, audio or something...just shut up." He was full on blushing now. I couldn't help but giggle. It was nice to see that his innocence wasn't totally in his looks. Although now that the thought was in my head I was kinda getting a little turned on by it. Maybe I could talk him into it......
No. With my luck it'd end up on the internet before we were even finished recording. Best not to tempt fate.
"You're cute when you're embarrassed." I said.
"You're not shutting up." Vicky stuck his tongue out at me.
"You're not doing anything to make me."
Considering what happened the last time I said something like that I'm not sure if I was annoyed or relieved when Michelle interrupted us.
"Hey! Nate! Vicky! Over here!" she said as she ran up to us. Seriously, who says 'over here' as they're less than ten feet away running towards you? "You aren't, like, trying to skip out on us are you?" she said when she finally reached us.
"No-" I started but she grabbed us both by the wrist and started dragging us over to the grassy area by the side of the school.
"Hey!" Vicky yelled and tried to break free. He couldn't.
"Let go!" I yelled and tried to break free. I couldn't.
Damn, people that thin and female should not have grips this strong.
"Shit." I heard Vicky say softly and I assumed that he was thinking along the same lines I was but, well, you know what adults who think they're being clever say about assumptions, right? If I wasn't so focused on staring at Michelle's hand and wrist trying to figure out the secret to her death grip of doom I would have noticed sooner. As it was I didn't look away until Michelle stopped dragging us and I looked up to see where we were.
As I expected we were pretty much in the exact same place we were on Friday. Off to the side of the school where, for some reason, people don't seem to ever hang out. Everything was exactly like it was that day, the same grass, the same slight breeze, the same cloudless sky.
The only thing that was different was the TWENTY FUCKING GIRLS standing around looking at us expectantly.
"Jesus fucking Christ Michelle!" I screamed. "What the hell happened to 'only the people at our table'? I told you! That was a rule! You...you can't break rules! That's why they're called rules!"
Ok so maybe I was freaking out a little more than normal but TWENTY girls? That's more than there was on Friday for fuck's sake! How the hell do you go out and find TWENTY girls that wanna watch two guys kiss in less than two hours with most of that time being spent IN CLASS!?
"Hey!" Michelle yelled back and actually had the balls to sound indignant. "I'm not the one who told everybody!"
"Bull." I said simply. "You couldn't even keep your mouth shut for more than twenty seconds after we left the cafeteria."
"I just, like, reminded you! I never said anything about what you were gonna be doing."
"You could have said something to someone after that."
"Yeah, but I didn't. Seriously, I've been totally waiting for this all weekend do you think I'd do ANYTHING to screw it up?" she put her hands on her hips and cocked her eyebrow like this was the most airtight argument she could have possibly given.
And, dammit, it was pretty convincing. I still thought this had to be her fault somehow. She just seemed like a troublemaker. For me anyway.
"So who said something?" Vicky asked. Once again he was the only one asking the sensible questions while all I wanted to do was yell. I'm beginning to think I might have a small anger problem.
"I dunno. Maybe it was Jason. He's always trying to embarrass you right?" Michelle answered.
"What? No." I said. "Well, I mean yeah he usually is but he knows what lines not to cross....sometimes...besides there's no way he's gonna go around the school telling people that two guys are gonna be kissing. He wouldn't wanna have any part of this even if it would humiliate me." I put my hands on my hips (no eyebrow cock though, remember, I can't do that) and tried to imitate Michelle's stance now that I had my own airtight argument.
"Actually, he's right over there." Michelle said and pointed back to the group of girls.
I looked. I didn't mean to. I knew this was gonna be one of those 'ha, made you look' things but when someone points you just have to look, you know? At least I'd see who was there. There was Erica, Irina, Jason, Jen, a few of the girls I tried to talk to in the halls earlier in the day, two goth chicks that I would have sworn were lesbians, several..................did I just say Jason?
My eyes snapped back to where Jen was standing and, goddammit, there he was standing behind her as if his Andre the Giant ass could actually hide behind a girl. I glared at him. What the fuck was he doing here? Before I even realized I was moving I'd closed half the distance between me and him and was shouting.
"Dude! What the fuck?" I yelled.
"I swear I didn't say anything!" he held up his hands as I got closer to him like he thought I was gonna attack or something. Probably a wise precaution.
"Yeah, that makes you sound innocent." I growled. I didn't hit him. I wanted to, badly, but even if this was his fault this was Jason we were talking about here.
He could probably take me. Not that I'd ever tell him that.
"I swear!" he said again. "I'm not exactly happy being here for this with all these people either."
My eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Why the hell are you here?"
"Um," he flashed a quick, embarrassed look at me and glanced towards Jen. "She kinda...dragged me."
I stared at him for a few seconds, my anger at him fading, before letting a small smirk form on my lips. "Ah."
"What?" he asked sharply.
"Oh, nothing." I said airily.
"No, what was that 'ah' for?" he demanded. "Tell me."
"It's no big deal. I just think it's interesting that you'll hang around to watch two guy kiss because your girlfriend asks you to."
He stared at me as if he was waiting for me to go on but when I didn't he started to relax slightly. That's what I was waiting for.
"I mean," I said with a smirk. "I thought you actually needed to be getting some before you got pussy whipped, that's all."
"You fuck!" Jason yelled and shoved me. I laughed. He looked like he was going to shove me again but all he did was narrow his eyes and walk back to Jen muttering under his breath.
Ah, the simple pleasures in life.
As enjoyable as that was I still had my own problem and watching Jason walk back towards Jen and that way too large group of girls squashed any pleasure I was feeling at getting under Jason's skin. All the girls were looking at me expectantly, like I should already be entertaining them or something. It was.....uncomfortable. To say the least. I still wanted to know how the hell this got out though.
"Erica did it." I jumped a bit and turned my head to find Vicky standing next to me.
"Huh?" Yeah, I seem to say that a lot.
"Erica. She's the one who told everybody." Vicky said.
"How do you know?" I asked. "I still think it was Michelle."
"Well, she's been hiding behind those goth girls the entire time we've been here and going out of her way not to look at us." I looked over at Erica and, yep, she was hiding alright. And looking at a very interesting blade of grass. "Plus Irina told me." he finished with a small smile.
"How did she know?"
"They have 8th period together and Irina said that Erica was a bit....excited and may have told a few people."
I sighed. "Goddammit." I remember when she seemed to sweet and shy. I probably shouldn't be surprised. It totally figures that the one that wanted to be my girlfriend would end up causing me problems.
"Are you ok?" Vicky asked with concern. "We can go, it's not like they're gonna hold us down and force us to make out for them."
I was tempted. Actually, more than tempted, I was opening my mouth to agree and my legs started to move but I stopped myself. I thought back to our date at the movies and how liberating it felt to hold Vicky's hand in public. I thought back to earlier today when we held hands in school and how right that felt. I thought back to kissing Vicky in the middle of the hall and how perfect that was. As I thought of all those moments another, unrelated, memory popped into my mind: the pillow war with Vicky and Jason. It took me a second to figure out why that came to mind along with intimate memories of Vicky but when I did it made perfect sense. Through all four of those moments the one thing tying them together was how normal they felt.
So much of my life, especially recently, just isn't normal. Not that it constantly bothers me or anything but it's nice to feel like everything is the way it's supposed to me and not have to worry about getting beat up or having to have a sex talk with my mom and Vicky's dad or accidentally showing too much affection to my boyfriend or any one of a dozen other situations that just aren't something most people have to deal with. I'm not saying that kissing in front of the fangirls would be normal. In fact I think that's probably tied with the sex talk for the least normal thing that's happened to me recently. But it felt like this was something I had to do. Like this was the price that I needed to pay for those moments of normalcy and for all the luck I've been having since meeting Vicky and for all the improbably events that have made what should have been several total and complete disasters turn out not nearly as bad as they could have been.
Does that make any sense? Of course it doesn't. Not to you. You're normal. But....for better or worse, I'm not. Or at least my life isn't and if this was what I had to do keep those moments of normalness coming then I'd do it. Maybe not gladly, but I'd do it.
If you need a reason that isn't probably based solely in my messed up head than you could say I also did it so they'd continue to keep people from messing with us.
Plus I kinda really wanted to kiss Vicky right then.
So I guess in the end I had several reasons for taking Vicky by the hand and walking closer to the group of girls rather than running away at full speed.
"You sure?" Vicky asked again as we walked over to them.
"Yeah....well no, not really, but let's do it anyway." I flashed him a wicked grin.
Vicky cocked his head to the side and then let out a short laugh. "Alright."
When we finally stopped in front of the girls there that air of expectation came back. It wasn't oppressive like it was back in lunch or uncomfortable like it was a few minutes ago. If anything it was kinda cool to know that a group of people were watching your every gesture and movement with excited anticipation. I guess I know why people become rockstars now.
Before we could start though I had something I needed to do. I let Vicky's hand go and walked over to where Erica was trying to hide behind the goth girls. They both moved out of the way without me asking and I looked sternly at her.
"Erica." She looked up at me with worried eyes. "Totally not cool." I said simply and walked away. Yeah, I was planning on yelling at her a bit but, dammit, she just looked so damn scared. Like having me yell would be the worst thing ever. I didn't get why but I think we've already established that I have no defense against the dark arts (female emotional manipulation) so in the end it really didn't matter.
I walked back to Vicky, took his hand in mine and faced the crowd. I felt like I should say something. It just seemed like the thing to do when standing in front of a group of people, you know?
"Look, um...." Yep, awesome start. "So...." This is what happens when I open my mouth without thinking.
Luck for me Vicky decided to speak up just then. "This is a one time thing. After this you can't ask us to kiss or touch or anything. You can't offer us money or anything either. We're not pets and we're not hookers. If you wanna be friends with us, cool, if you just wanna hang around and try to get us to make out then we don't wanna know you." He licked his lips and looked at me to see if I wanted to add anything. Considering my lack of success at speeches today I opted instead to stare at him with surprise and admiration. I'm really gonna have to stop getting surprised when he's calm and collected like that. The shock gets in the way of how totally and completely hot it is.
Well, here it is, the moment of truth.....or kissing or something. Nothing left to say, nothing left to do.....then why am I still talking?
I stared at Vicky for a few seconds, drinking in his slightly impatient expression, his hair that was blowing slightly in the breeze, the slight wetness on his lips from when he licked them. I know I say this all the time, but, God he was beautiful. I moved closer to him and even though I meant to get this over with quickly I reached out and brushed my fingers against his face. So smooth.
I was almost completely lost in his eyes but I was still aware enough of reality to hear a collective intake of breath from our audience. I ignored it. Vicky brought his hand up to my cheek and let it slide across and back to my neck before running his fingers through my hair.
This was followed by a collective sigh from the girls.
We moved closer together, our bodies almost touching, and as one we tilted our heads slightly to the our left. As our faces moved together I could hear another deep breath from the crowd.
Then our lips met.
If I was expecting a huge outburst I would have been disappointed. There was nothing. Total, utter silence. I would have broken the kiss, but, well, I'm kissing Vicky. Why would I ever stop doing that when I didn't have to?
I would have been content just to keep our lips pressed together but Vicky seemed to have other ideas. I felt his tongue probe questioningly at my lips. I hesitated for only a second. Yeah, I didn't wanna make out in front of the fangirls but I believe we've been over how much I like kissing Vicky and how much I can't say no to him so it should really be no surprise to anyone that I opened my mouth and eagerly accepted his tongue.
It kinda hit me then that this was yet another 'first' that I was sharing with Vicky. Our first time making out in public. With an audience no less. I'm not sure which part of that, the first, the public, or the audience, was what made me go from zero to HOT in less than three seconds but I think I surprised everybody, Vicky included, when I grabbed him, pulled him close to me and turned our still slightly innocent make out session into something.....a little less innocent.
I crushed my mouth to his and pushed my tongue as deep into his mouth as I could. It seems I wasn't the only one with "can't say no" syndrome because Vicky eagerly pushed against my kiss and tightly wrapped his arms around me. Our tongues danced and our hands roamed and I was starting to forget why I wasn't ripping Vicky's clothes off and having my way with him. I might have forgotten completely and gotten us into another 'almost getting naked in the middle of the road' situation if I wasn't brought back to reality by Vicky's hand squeezing my ass through my jeans. Actually, that isn't what brought me back, what brought me back was the unexpectedly masculine "holy shit" that I heard from the crowd.
It's weird. I didn't mind that I was making out with Vicky in front of the fangirls and I didn't care that we were going it at school but the second I realize that Vicky's feeling me up in front of Jason I get totally freaked out. Or maybe it was Jason's tone that freaked me out. It wasn't the disgust or the exasperation or the discomfort that I'd expect. It seemed almost contemplative.
Whatever it was it made me self conscious enough to break the kiss with Vicky and lean back a little. I kept my arms around his waist and he kept his around my neck.
"Holy crap." Vicky whispered breathlessly. He had a goofy grin plastered on his face and I couldn't help the pleased one that came across mine.
Oh yeah, I totally rocked his world.
"OH. MY. GOD!" screamed Michelle. "That was so super hot!!"
The group of girls erupted into similar shouts and exclamations and even a few squeals and squees. This seems like another one of those things that could get out of hand but I can't deny that it's just a little bit cool to have people go crazy over you. Even if the people going crazy are more than likely crazy themselves.
One thing that did bother me though was Jason. While the fangirls were gushing and squealing he was just standing there looking at me and Vicky with that same expression he had when we went over to his house after the sex talk, the one where he looked slightly disturbed. I looked away before he could catch me staring.
Could he really have a problem with me and Vicky?
I shook that thought from my head. I had enough to worry about without worrying about Jason being weird. Besides he never acted like he had a problem unless we acted all "coupley" in front of him so if anything was wrong it was probably just discomfort or something. Maybe I'd just have to desensitize him to guy on guy displays of affection.
Insert your evil laugh of choice here.
Me and Vicky stood there for about five minutes with amused expressions on our faces as we watched the girls. At some point his hand found it's way into mine and I started to feel like we were on a date at a show. Or maybe a zoo because they kinda looked like a bunch of chattering monkeys. I wonder of they're gonna start throwing shit at each other? I chuckled at that.
"What?" Vicky asked.
"Nothing." I answered, still smiling.
"Okaaaay." he said. "So, that was....fun." I looked over to see him smirking at me. I grinned.
"Yeah, it was ok I guess. I think you got a bit carried away though."
"Me?" Vicky asked incredulously. "You're the one who started shoving his tongue down my throat."
"But that was only because you're so hot. I can't help myself. Plus you're the one who started in with the tongue stuff."
"Yeah but I was being innocent about it. You were doing porno tongue."
"You can't have an innocent tongue kiss."
Vicky flashed me a wicked smile. "I can." he said seductively.
I groaned as I started to get hard. "You aren't exactly proving your point here." I said.
He glanced down at my obvious erection and laughed. "Hey, it's not my fault you have a dirty mind." He started sucking on his bottom lip. Damn him and his masterful teasing!
"Grrrr just wait till I get you home." I grumbled.
"I'm looking forward to it." he said lustily.
Where the hell was my mom?! I looked around trying to will her to appear. Dammit, she's always around when I don't need her why can't she ever be here when I do.
My mom didn't show up but the fangirls apparently ran out of noises to make at each other and picked that moment to walk over to us.
"That was so hot." Erica said apparently forgetting that I was mad at her. "You guys are way too sexy."
"Yeah." one of the other girls said dreamily. "I almost came."
Can I just say: ew. Seriously what ever happened to 'sugar and spice and everything nice'?
There were similar comments, sadly, several actually making me cringe a bit. Either Vicky was feeling the same discomfort or he wanted to make me feel better because after the third comment about 'masturbation material' he slid his hand into mine and squeezed tight. If you guessed that this caused more 'awwww's' and squees then you would be right.
Thankfully some of the girls parents started to show up so the group was steadily getting smaller until it was just me, Vicky, Jason, Irina and Michelle.
"I still can't believe you guys actually did that!" Irina was saying. "That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life."
"Yeah that was so totally sexy!" Michelle yelled. "You guys are seriously awesome."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like SO totally awesome, gawd!" he said in his best high pitched girl voice.
Me and Vicky laughed.
"Ugh! I don't sound like that at all!" Michelle exclaimed. "Like so totally not at ALL!"
We laughed harder because, you know, she was being completely serious.
"What the hell were you even doing here anyway?" she asked Jason. "Do you like watching your best friend make out with a guy?"
Jason shot me a quick glare which I assume was supposed to mean "don't say anything about how completely and totally pathetic I am to let Jen run my entire life even though I'm not getting anything in return except the pleasure of having her run my entire life". Or something like that. Actually it was probably more like "shut your smurf ass up and don't make any whipcrack sounds" but I like my way better.
"I was here to protect him if one of you psychos tried to molest him or something." he answered with a smirk.
"Grrrrr! What the hell does Jen see in you anyway? I never liked you." Michelle growled.
That was total bullshit by the way. Michelle liked Jason a lot. Not LIKE like but she'd always been happy to talk to him before now. Female mood swing? PMS? Personality disorder? Tune in next week to find out!
Yeah, I'm kind of enjoying this.
While they kept up their little argument Irina looked towards the parking lot then turned back to me and Vicky. "Hey, I gotta go. Um, sorry for getting carried away and, um, stuff." she blushed a little bit and looked away from us.
"It's ok." Vicky said. I nodded.
"Ok, well, bye I guess." she gave a weak smile and turned to leave. I would really love to know why she can seem so shy and reserved one minute and so excited and fangirly the next. Maybe It'd help me understand what happened to Erica. And maybe how to change her back. I did feel a bit bad for her though. She was easily the nicest fangirl we'd met so far so it seemed wrong that she was the one that ended up feeling bad about it afterwards.
"Hey Irina." I called after her. "You should sit with us tomorrow."
She stopped and turned back with a smile on her face. "Really?"
"Yep. You're a lot more normal than anyone else at the table."
She grinned and looked over at Jason and Michelle, still arguing. "Yeah I guess I don't have any trouble believing that." She laughed. "See you tomorrow then."
"Bye!" Vicky and I said in unison.
"So cute...." she whispered before running off to her parents car.
After she was gone Vicky leaned over to me and whispered. "Is your mom gonna be here soon?"
I smirked. "Why, you want me that badly?" I asked jokingly.
"Yes." he purred. Literally purred. Like a cat. "I can't take it anymore."
My legs went so weak I was shocked I was able to keep standing. I meant it as a joke but apparently Vicky was more hot and bothered than I thought. I wonder if he'd been like that since the bathroom or if our unexpectedly hot as hell kiss was what had turned him on. My smirk turned into a smile as I noticed that he was actually displaying some pretty obvious signs of his frustration. His hands were jerking slightly, as if he had to keep fighting to keep them at his side. He was slightly shifting his weight from side to side. Every few seconds he'd chew on his bottom lip then force himself to stop. The thing that really stood out though were his eyes. They were staring at me with such naked lust that I was so tempted to just jump him right there. The same need for him that led me to drag him to the bathroom earlier rose up again and I realized that I was also fighting to keep my hands by my side, shifting my weight and chewing my lip.
How had we ever thought we could keep this a secret?
The gods of good timing were finally on my side for once because just then out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom's car pull up in front of the school. With a relieved grunt (yes, grunts can sound relieved) I went to grab Vicky's hand but this time he beat me to it. I barely had enough time to shout a halfhearted goodbye to a still arguing Jason and Michelle before he was dragging me across the yard to the car.
"Hi mom!" I said cheerfully after Vicky had opened the back door and literally shoved me in.
"Um, Hi Nathan. Hi Vicky." I'm not sure if she was confused about me being shoved into the car or by the fat that I wasn't a complete emotional wreck after going through what she probably still thought was an incredibly hard day of school.
"Hi, Julia." Vicky said quickly. "I'm coming over to your house today. My dad said it's ok."
"Um, alright." mom said. I grinned. Vicky's first time making my mom at a loss for words. I was so proud!
As we pulled away from the school I looked out the window and caught a glimpse of the brown haired kid from this morning, the one that raped me with his eyes. He was staring at us but this time he didn't lick his lips or show any signs of attraction or anything. He just stared. And honestly that was creepier than the look he gave me this morning.
Thinking about this morning brought back other things I didn't want to think about. I knew I'd have to tell Vicky about what happened with Skip sooner or.....no, just soon. I hope he doesn't think I went overboard. Because I'm not at all regretful. He totally deserves to go through the rest of his school life as the kid who tried to molest the gay kid.
Vicky's hand suddenly gripped my own and immediately all thoughts that weren't about how much I couldn't wait to get him alone fled from my head. I could deal with everything else later. Right now the only thing that was important was the beautiful and incredibly, um, eager boy sitting right next to me. Even if he wasn't dying to get in my pants though just his touch would be enough to make all my problems seem insignificant. He was my love, my life, my entire world and if today has shown me anything it's that I can deal with anything as long as I have him by my side.
The car sped down the road as my eyes found his and my mouth mirrored the grin on his face. Sure, I had some issues to deal with but that shit could wait it's turn.
Right now, I had a Vicky to be sexy with!