Castle Roland


by Cy-Kun


Chapter 17

Posted: N/A

I regretted asking the question the second it was out of my mouth.

"What was it like the first time?" Nate said with a fond, wistful smile the next day at the beach. "It was...magical. Which is kind of lame to say but I can't really put it any better. It was like living in black and white your whole life and then suddenly seeing in color. And even while most of you is experiencing it there's this little tiny bit in the back of your head saying 'This is it. You've never really lived before right now and from this moment on, everything is gonna change. And even though this isn't the last time you're going to do this, it won't ever be as special as it is right now. But that's ok, because if everything was always this special then it would just be normal and now you know why special exists. So you can feel like this, right at this moment. This is your perfect moment in time. So enjoy it. And love it. And never forget'."

I bit my lip and looked at him for almost half a minute before I said anything.

"And," I licked my lips. "That was what it was like the first time you saw Star Wars?"

Nate nodded rapidly. "Exactly like that."

I stared at him again. He had to be fucking with me, right? But I have a lot of practice telling when people are trying to mess with me and he didn't look anything like any of them. He looked totally and completely serious. And it was about right then that I gave up ever understanding him.

I shook my head slowly. "O-ok then."

"You know," Vicky said. He was sitting on the blanket next to us closer to Owen where they'd been talking about something called the Dominion War for the past forty minutes while Michelle and Cheryl were down closer to the water playing the angriest game of Frisbee I'd ever seen. "'Perfect moment in time' is from Star Trek Insurrection."

Nate frowned, then turned to look and Vicky and scowled, "You mean the part where Picard is talking to Doc Ock's wife and she slows down time by talking about pseudo-philosophical BS and it never actually means anything to the plot and it's just used to pad out the running time with a go nowhere 'romance'?"

"Yep," Vicky said cheerfully. "That."

"I'm aware," Nate said dryly, then stuck his tongue out at him.

Vicky chuckled. "Just making sure."

Nate looked like he was trying to be annoyed for about two seconds, then he couldn't hold back the smile anymore. "Thank you."

Vicky grinned back and they smiled and made eyes at each other for a few seconds before Nate turned back to me. Apparently, he still hadn't given up on trying to get me to see how amazing Star Wars was, as he said, "before your boyfriend tricks you into watching Star Trek with kisses and blowjobs and Q quotes".

Oh yay.

"So, you've gotta watch them. Just make sure you watch them in order. You DO know the right order, right?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Um, start from the first one?" I answered, starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.

He sighed and shook his head sadly. "What are they even teaching you at your school? No. Now listen close because this is the most important thing anyone will ever tell you. You go four, five, six, THEN one, two and three. It's VERY important that you watch the original trilogy first to get the right impact from the prequels. Oh! And if you can pick up the original trilogy without all the special edition stuff added in, watch those first, THEN the special editions and THEN the prequels. Even though some of the effects don't hold up, everyone should see the unaltered trilogy at least once in their life. Got all that?"

No, not even close. But since I wanted to do anything else but talk about Star Wars, like we'd been doing since we got to the beach, I figured I should probably lie. "Yeah, I got it." I nodded.

He looked at me skeptically for a second, then shrugged and beamed at me. "Good!"

I tried really hard to keep my smile from being too strained and glanced behind him just in time to see Vicky looking at him with a fond little smirk. He saw me looking and rolled his eyes slightly. "You actually should watch them," he said. "Nate loves Star Wars more than any five people, but even if you never like them that much the movies are still great."

"They're not wrong," Owen said and smiled at me. THIS smile though, made my heart jump. "Maybe....we could watch them together sometime?"

He sounded so hesitant, like he didn't even wanna pressure me about watching some movies, and my heart had just enough time to melt before a flush spread across my cheeks as I remembered the last time we tried to watch a movie together. "I'd like that," I said.

"Yes!" Nate pumped his fist in the air. "I love spreading the Saga to newbies!"

"And then maybe after we can watch some Next Generation too," Owen said, giving Nate an innocent look.

I hid my wince. I was happy that we were all getting comfortable with each other, especially after yesterday, but I really wish he wouldn't tease Nate like that. I was SO close to a subject change.

But instead of getting into a 'Wars vs Trek' argument like the last five times someone mention anything Star Trek related, Nate just shrugged. "Sure. It's a good show and I don't care what he watches as long as he watches Star Wars first. If people are gonna get into sci-fi they need to do it right."

Vicky got up, came over to us and plopped down next to Nate. He slid an arm around his shoulder and grinned. "That's my Nate, king of sci-fi."

Nate leaned into him and smiled happily.

"Even though he had NO idea what The Abyss was until I made him watch it," Vicky said.

Nate's smile melted into a scowl. "That's just ONE movie," he grumbled. "And it's not really even sci-fi anyway."

"It has underwater aliens," Vicky said teasingly.

Nate rolled his eyes and tried for another scowl, but then Vicky's other hand rested on his knee and he just shuddered and closed his eyes. I blushed for him, since he seemed to just wanna sit there and enjoy being touched instead of freaking out. Then I blushed for me because, well, that's what I do every time they touch in front of me.

Owen got up after that and sat down beside me. He didn't put his arm around me, showing once again how well he knows me. He did give my leg a little nudge with his knee though and I had to smile at that, even though I wished I had some free hair to hide behind.

"So," Nate said after he got over his little swoon -I say like I haven't done the exact same thing thirty million times- and remembered there were other people around. "Since you haven't been introduced to the greatness that is science fiction yet, what's your favorite movie?"

I HATE that question. Any question about my favorite anything really. I either have way too many like, 'what's your favorite band?' or I'm embarrassed about how little I've done what they're asking about like, 'what's your favorite video game?'. And the whole being put on the spot in front of people I still wasn't one hundred percent comfortable with thing wasn't helping either.

"I-I saw Alien," I said defensively. "...mostly."

Nate laughed, "Well, I guess that's not your favorite if you couldn't even sit through it."

I blushed. Hard. "Um, no, i-it was...good."

"Then why didn't you watch the whole thing?" Vicky asked.

I looked very hard at the sand between my crossed legs and hoped some of those grains would answer for me. Preferably with a really good lie. Or just open up and swallow me whole. Either one.

"We, uh, watched it together," Owen said after a few seconds of silence. Dammit grains of sand! Be faster next time!

I glanced up quickly just in time to see Nate cock his head. "Why wou-" His eyebrows raised before I even had time to hope he wouldn't get it. "Oh. Um. Oh." And then HE blushed and gave us an awkward smile.

Any time you wanna swallow me up, sand, just go ahead.

Vicky broke the awkward silence after about a minute. "So, what IS your favorite movie?"

"Um, Kingdom of Heaven." I said quietly. It was much easier to pick one when I was dying of embarrassment.

"With Orlando Bloom?" Nate asked, perking up a bit.

I shrugged self consciously. "Um, I like historical movies."

Nate grinned. "Me too! Kingdom of Heaven is pretty good, even though it isn't really that accurate."

Now it was my turn to perk up a bit. I'd never met anyone that actually LIKED those kinds of movies. Except Gladiator of course. Even Owen didn't really like historical movies all that much, as much as he liked historical fiction.

"I know," I said. "Balian wasn't like that at all and Sibylla actually wanted Guy to go to war with Saladin" I blushed and trailed off, suddenly self-conscious. Before I could apologize for being a total nerd -although why I felt like I had to in front of a Star Wars geek I don't know- Nate just nodded eagerly and picked up where I left off.

"Yeah and Guy and Reynald weren't even really nobles, they just married into it and went to Jerusalem to make money," Nate shrugged. "Movie's still good though. I'd just like to see one not all Hollywooded up, you know? Historically accurate even if it doesn't tell the best hero story."

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding rapidly. "Or at least make the hero a fictional character that just interacts with the real historical characters, like Rome did."

"Rome was awesome!" Nate said. "Even if half of every episode was all about boobs."

"That's HBO," I said with a shrug. Nate laughed.

No one was more surprised than me how easy it was to talk to Nate after that. It turned out that we actually did watch a lot of the same movies and even had the same opinions on most of them. We both liked Gladiator, Alexander and Kingdom of Heaven. He liked Troy more than I did, but I didn't think it was horrible or anything. We both absolutely HATED the Robin Hood with Russel Crowe, mostly because it was trying way too hard to be Gladiator and not doing a really good job at it. And neither of us had seen any of the Spartacus series on HBO, even though we both really wanted to.

At some point the conversation turned to books and Owen got to join in. I felt a bit guilty about not trying harder to include him in the conversation for a while, but I was too busy actually having an easy conversation with someone for once. All three of us ended up having the same opinions on books too. We all thought Bernard Cornwell was the best and that Conn Iggulden screwed with history way more than he needed to in his books about Julius Ceaser.

"He had Ceaser kill Mithridates?" Nate said. "Really? Really?! I mean, who the hell DOES that? It's not like Ceaser needed his life spiced up because he was just oh so boring."

Owen and I couldn't agree more.

Vicky just shook his head when we got all worked up about stuff, but he kept giving Nate these fond little smiles, like he was really enjoying just watching Nate talk about something he liked even though he had no interest in it.

Eventually Cheryl and Michelle got tired of trying to kill each other with the Frisbee and plopped down next to us on our towels.

"So what are you talking about?" Cheryl asked, raising her eyebrow at me.

"'Old, boring dead people who I'm never gonna attract anyone if I never shut up about'," I quoted dryly, realizing that I'd never actually rubbed it in her face that Owen liked it too.

Her other eyebrow shot up. "Seriously? Wait, did I say that?"

"Yep," I nodded.

"No I didn't," she shook her head.

"Oh yes you did."

"No-" she paused, then frowned. "When?"

I heard Nate giggling softly as I answered. "Last year."

"I rode you about picking up guys last year?" she asked skeptically.

I flushed slightly, still not at all used to having gayness, mine or anyone's, just casually talked about in front of people. "No, not really. But you did say that."

She scrunched up her nose in her startlingly unattractive 'thinking expression'. "What did you say back?" she asked finally.

I bit my lip, suddenly regretting ever bringing it up. "I, um, don't remember," I said, looking away.

I actually remembered perfectly, but I really didn't wanna bring up one of my old 'love and relationships are bullshit' rants in front of...well, anyone, but especially not in front of Owen. Thankfully Vicky cut in before the conversation could get awkward.

"So, I'm guessing you don't like history then?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Not really."

"Well, I LOVE history," Michelle said, more than a little smugly. I had no idea why.

Nate snorted, "You love regency romance books. There's a huge difference."

"Hey!" Michelle yelled. "I watched that thing about that guy on the History Channel with you guys!"

Now it was Vicky's turn to snort. "'That guy' was George Washington."

"AND you complained about how boring it was the whole time," Nate added.

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"Ugh, fine!" she crossed her arms. "But I stayed and watched the whole thing."

"You watched US most of the time," Vicky said.

"It was creepy," Nate put in.

"But you were cuddling! On a couch. How was I supposed to pay attention to anything else?" she asked.

And from there the conversation kinda left me, Owen and Cheryl behind and devolved into an argument about when it's ok to watch people and the exact definition of 'stalker' and 'bestest friend ever', so none of us minded.

"If I ever get like that with you two, kill me," Cheryl whispered to me and Owen.

We both nodded solemnly.

After they finished arguing, with Michelle acting like nothing happened and Nate scowling at her until Vicky touched him lightly the way all their arguments seemed to end, we ended up spending the rest of the day at the beach together. It was fun, surprisingly. A lot like spending time with Owen's friends, but different too. With Juan and Kenny and Chris we all had Owen in common. He was the only reason I knew any of them. With Vicky and Nate and Michelle, we'd all met at the same time so I didn't feel like an outsider the way I sometimes still did back home. It made it easier to feel comfortable around them.

Not comfortable enough to go swimming though. Part of me still wished Owen pushed a bit harder when they all went down to the water, but a much bigger part was glad for the time we got to spend alone. While everyone else swam, we sat on our blankets and talked. Even with the hot sun, the loud drone of conversation from the crowded beach and the screaming kids, it was romantic. I was on a beach, on vacation with my boyfriend. Just thinking it was enough to bring out the stupid, giddy smile. Which of course Owen noticed.

"I love when you smile like that," he said, leaning in so we weren't overheard. It probably made us look all intimate and stuff, but I forced myself not to look around to see if anyone was noticing. Instead I smiled a bit wider, and leaned in a bit closer.

"I didn't used to. Smile like this I mean. N-not until I met you," I said with a blush. The sun bright grin I got back was more than worth it.

"I'm glad that it's me," he said softly. I shivered and melted more than a little at hearing that voice in that quiet, almost reverent tone. "But, you really shouldn't say stuff like that if you don't want me kissing you in public," he added, teasingly.

Instead of freaking me out, I felt this heavy warmth spreading out from my chest. I swallowed, thankful for my suddenly dry throat because I was so caught up in the moment, of being there with Owen and being so in love, that I might have asked him for something really stupid.

"When we get back to the room," I said instead. "You can kiss me all you want." You can do anything you want. I blushed hard and just barely held myself back from saying it. I'd already practically given him permission to do what he wanted to me, whenever he wanted to do it. Saying it again would just make me seem like some desperate slut.

Owen swallowed hard and bit his lip. He didn't say anything for almost a full minute and I started to worry. Maybe I said something out loud after all? I do kinda have a history of that, especially around him. But I was pretty sure I managed to keep it in. "I definitely will," he said finally and my heart sped up. The way he looked in my eyes, the way he said it, I thought he was talking about more than kissing.

As nervous as that made me, it didn't stop me hoping the day would speed up either.

It finally got late though, and as everyone but me and Owen dried off from being in the ocean (Vicky and Nate both looked really good wet and it made me think I might have missed out on something amazing by not seeing Owen swimming) I actually felt a little sad about leaving. I'd never been this comfortable around people before and it sucked more than a little that it was over. Or maybe it was just reminding me that tomorrow I had to go home, back to real life and everything that was waiting for me. Either way, I wished I was staying longer.

We all traded email addresses and phone numbers, even Cheryl and Michelle. Hell, even ME and Michelle. Although in my defense, it would have been rude to tell her I was scared of her and didn't want her to be able to track me down and lock me in the crate of gay boys I was sure she had somewhere, right? At least Nate and Vicky both promised they'd make sure she didn't harass us too much when she was distracted by putting all our numbers into the phone that she apparently had with her.

I didn't even wanna think about where she'd been hiding it this whole time.

We left, awkwardly going from almost handshakes, to almost hugs (which lead to an almost heart attack for me), before settling on a wave and went back to our hotels. We didn't really talk on the way back, just enjoyed walking along the beach together. Before we could get to our rooms though, Aunt Karen caught us in the lobby and told us to get changed for dinner. I groaned, hoping to have SOME time to rest after spending all day walking around under the hot sun, but I guess not.

Dinner was fine, we ate at one of the three million 'hey, you're by a BEACH!' themed restaurants in town. You know the ones with life preservers and buoys and pictures of boats and waves and crap on the walls. Good food, but kinda tacky. When we did get back, Cheryl said she was tired and went back to her room. It surprised me, since she's usually an annoying ball of stamina and energy whenever I'm worn out, but I wasn't complaining. It wasn't quite late enough to be LATE, late but I was tired enough to notice how the tiredness fled the minute I was alone behind a closed door with Owen.

When I turned around from locking the door he was standing in the middle of the room, anxiously picking at the belt loop on his pants. He stopped when our eyes met and a slightly nervous, yet still eager, smile spread across his face. "Hi," he said softly.

I swallowed, then returned the smile. "H-hi."

I walked slowly towards him, only believing that I was actually doing it because he kept getting closer and I couldn't think of any other way that could happen. When I got in front of him, I stopped, and looked into his eyes. I was feeling bold, for me anyway, and I really wished his hair was long enough to fall over his eyes so I'd have an excuse to brush it away from his face like he always does to me.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hi," he said back, his smile fading into an intense look that made my legs weak.

"S-so, I promised you kissing," I said hoarsely.

"I know."

"So...I'm ready," I said. I puckered my lips in what I hoped was a sexy, inviting way.

Owen giggled. I frowned. "Don't pout, I'm not laughing at you."

"I'm not pouting," I grumbled. My stupid lower lip decided to stick out even more as I said it though so I doubt he believed me.

"You are," he said with a tiny smile. "It's cute. And it's making me want to kiss you more."

"So why aren't you?" I asked, blushing at how desperate that might have sounded.

"Are you sure you want me to?" he asked, all traces of teasing gone from his voice.

Just like earlier on the beach, I knew he was talking about something more than kissing. "A-are you really gonna make me say it again?" I whispered.

"I just wanna be sure," Owen said, his eyes never leaving mine.

I took a deep breath, which did nothing to slow down my heart. "Y-," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yes. I w-want you to...kiss me."

The three seconds it took seemed like a million years, just long enough for my fragile confidence to start breaking. I was a second away from thinking that maybe he really didn't find me attractive and never pushed for anything more than on top of the clothes stuff because he didn't want me, when he kissed me.

I'd always thought the first time I gave someone permission to have a go at me they wouldn't waste any time and come at me hard and aggressive and forceful, but Owen's kiss was gentle and sweet. Hesitant. He was just as nervous about this as I was. Neither one of us really knew where to go, what we wanted to do or how to get there, and that made me relax. He wasn't an invading army storming my castle, he was a noble guest, knocking at the gates for a social call.

So, I stopped thinking up dorky metaphors and opened up.

At first it wasn't any different than any other time we'd kissed. Even when we moved to the bed we still laid side by side just like we'd always done. When his hands slid under my shirt he didn't touch me in any place he hadn't before. Neither did I. Because me being the first one to take this further? So not happening.

But then his hands started sliding down my chest, over my stomach and past my belly button. His fingers touched the waistline of my pants and I'd just barely noticed when they went a little lower and brushed over the boner that was trying to burst its way out of my fly.

"Holy shit!" My whole body jerked in surprise and arousal. Owen immediately snatched his hand away.

"Sorry!" He said quickly.

"N-no!" I said, just as quickly. "It''s ok."

"Do you...want me to stop?" he asked.

"Noooo!" I moaned, blushing. God that was the last thing I wanted.

Owen's eyes widened and I blushed even harder. But then a small, hesitant smile spread across his lips. "Ok," he said.

And picked up right where he left off.

If you've never had anyone else touch your dick, all I can say is, try it. You won't regret it. I never really thought much about it, just assuming it'd feel like my hand but in a different direction but, oh fuck was I wrong. He rubbed and squeezed and I felt like I was gonna pass out from how good it felt, and this wasn't even SKIN TO SKIN yet! He was just touching me through my pants.

Then, his hand closed around me and he started slowly moving it up and down. I barely had enough time to think HOLY SHIT OWEN'S JERKING ME OFF before I pressed my face into the bed to muffle my scream as I came like a freaking fire hose in my pants. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had, even better than the first time me and Owen got off together. But just like the first time, when it was over I was so embarrassed that I wanted to bury myself in a hole where I'd never have to look at anyone again.

"Wow," Owen said, sounding amazed and a little bit smug. "I can't believe I just did that."

"I can't believe I came so quickly!" I moaned helplessly into the bed. "Again!"

Obviously I'd already reached my blushing limit because somehow I didn't feel my face getting any hotter after saying that out loud.

I felt arms wrap around my shoulders and try to pull me in, but I fought to keep my face pressed into the blankets. If it was possibly to actually die of embarrassment, I knew it'd happen the second I looked into his face. He didn't give up though, and eventually pulled me into the most awkward cuddle-hug ever.

"It's ok," he said, rubbing my back. I didn't wanna be soothed by it, but I couldn't help myself. "I, um, kinda like that you're so sensitive. It' And you DO recover quickly."

I had a flashback to that first night in the hotel when we rubbed each other off. Without the embarrassment of messing myself in front of Owen I actually got off four times before we went to bed. Looking back, Owen did seem impressed then too.

"I-do you really-"

"I can't hear you love, you're talking into the bed," Owen said, sounding apologetic. Like it was his fault I was an awkward, easily embarrassed idiot.

I turned my head towards him, but looked at his chest instead of his face. "Do you really think it's hot? It's not...kiddie and uncool?"

Owen tilted my chin up so I HAD to look into his face. He smiled. "Trust me. It's definitely hot."

I smiled back hesitantly. "So was...what you did." I admitted. "I loved it."

"Me too," he said.

"Oh god!" I sat up, suddenly panicked. "I didn't...I mean, you did me and I never...."

I reached out to him, then jerked my hand back slightly. Is there some protocol to this? Is it rude to just reach out and grab someone's dick? Should I, I dunno, kiss him first like he did to me? Should I take it further and take it OUT of his pants? Should-

The sudden cool, squishiness that was becoming way too familiar to me broke me out of my thoughts. "I'm a mess. I-I need to change..." I looked around for clean clothes for about a second before I remembered I was wearing my last clean....everything. "Dammit! Is my bathing suit dry? Maybe I can change into that."

I started to get up to go onto the deck where we'd put out suits to dry to check, but a hand on my arm stopped me. I turned back to Owen, startled to see him as red faced as I'd ever seen and looking everywhere but at me.

"Um," he said softly, chewing on his bottom lip. "M-maybe...I dunno, you-we could...take stuff off and, not change into anything?"

It took me less than a second to puzzle that out. "Y-you mean....get naked?" my voice broke on the last word.

He glanced up quickly to look at me, then his eyes darted away just as fast. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I' that."

Suddenly, the heat in my face had competition from the heat pooling in my groin. I was shocked at how much I wanted that. It was like the feeling of wanting him to talk me into swimming, but even stronger.

"I....ok," I squeaked.

His head shot up. "R-really?"

"Y-yeah," I nodded shakily. "I' that."

Owen's smile was shaky. "Ok. Cool."

We both stared at each other for a few seconds. "Um, maybe we should stand up?" Owen said.

"Oh!" I blinked. "Um, ok."

We both slowly climbed off the bed and stood facing each other. My mouth went dry as Owen hesitantly pulled his shirt over his head. He looked even better shirtless in the soft hotel lighting than he did outside. His shirt dropped to the floor and he started to unlatch his belt. I gasped, then spun around.

"Are you ok?" Owen asked.

"I..." I swallowed. "I don't think I can do it, if I look at you."

"We don't have-"

"No! I want to!" And, dammit, I really, really did. I wasn't gonna let me ruin this for myself. "And don't ask if I'm sure. I am."

"Ok," I could hear the smile in his voice. And then I heard a much different sound. The clinking of metal. The unzipping of a fly. The rustling sound of pants dropping to the floor.

Oh. My. God.

Owen was naked.

I was frozen. I wanted to turn around and look so bad but I was terrified to. I knew if I looked I'd never be able to talk myself into taking off anything. Hell, I'd probably just come in my pants again and run into the bathroom to cry the humiliation out for a few hours.

Ok Andy, you can do this. You WANT to do this. Just take your clothes off so you can turn around and see Owen in all his Oweny glory. Just the thought got me hard again. Damn, I do recover fast.

I toed off my shoes.

Ok, good start.

I reached down and took off one sock. My heart felt like it was going to pound its way out of my chest.

Now the other one.

I slid the other sock off.

Ok, now.....dammit, all I have is my shirt and my pants. I don't have anything else to waste time with. For the first time in my life, I wish I wore jewelry.

Lots and lots of jewelry.

Except, goddammit I WANTED to do this. I'm just gonna do it. Ok. I'm doing it.

I lifted my shirt over my head.

The stupid thing ended up getting stuck on my head and pulling my hair, so it was a good thing I wasn't trying to be sexy about it. I cursed, then yelped softly as it yanked my hair going over my head. I threw the shirt on the ground and glared at it.

Stupid shirt.

And then it hit me. I was standing topless and vulnerable in front of someone besides Cheryl or my parents or a doctor for the first time in my life. It should have sent me into a panic attack but it didn't. Maybe because this was Owen and right from the beginning he'd shown me that I could be as vulnerable as I needed to be in front of him. Or maybe it was because I was shakily trying to undo the button on my pants and the panic attack was biding its time for maximum effectiveness.

I got the button undone and unzipped my fly, but then I had a dilemma. Should I just pull down my pants? Or pants and underwear in one go? All the times my parents lied and said 'oh, just jump in you'll get used to it faster' or 'if you rip the band aid off it'll hurt less' rushed through my mind but even with all the evidence against it I decided that maybe the 'get it over with quickly' thing might work this time.

I pulled everything down.

I heard a gasp from behind me. My heart stopped and I spun around, suddenly terrified that Owen found something wrong with me already, but my pants were still around my ankles and I tripped over them and went crashing to the floor.

"Ow," I mumbled.

"Are-" his voice cracked. "Are you ok?"

I blushed. Hard. "Y-yeah." I just buried my stillborn pride and dignity together in the same coffin, that's all.

I furiously kicked the traitor pants off and away and scrambled to my feet. Except, I was facing Owen this time. Our eyes met and widened in sudden realization at the same time. We both blushed and scrambled to cover ourselves up.

It was probably the weirdest feeling I'd ever had, standing there trying desperately to cover my ridiculously hard dick while trying to look past Owen's hands and see his at the same time. After a few seconds I could see him trying to do the same thing, then he noticed what I was doing and we both froze, then burst out into tiny giggles.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Kinda defeating the purpose here."

"It's...ok. Um. Me too. I mean me too being sorry and defeating the purpose, um..." I groaned.

Owen laughed softly. "How about on three we take our hands away?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Ok," Owen said, nodding back. "One. Two. Three"

Wow, he counted faster than I thought he would.

I let my hands fall away.

Holy. Fucking. Crap.

Owen was beautiful.

His whole body was smooth and soft, I couldn't see any hair except a small patch right above his cock, a shade darker than the hair on his head. He was tanned more on his upper body and lower legs, paler where he was covered with his bathing suit, but for some reason that was so sexy to me. I loved that his skin was two different colors like that. Is that a fetish?

And, dear god, he has a penis.

I mean, I knew he had one. I felt it and pushed mine right against it and everything, but it was right THERE in front of me. And it was....glorious.

He was bit longer than me, a bit thicker too, but since I was almost embarrassingly average that way, it wasn't an intimidating porno dick either. It looked....inviting. Just like the rest of him. Like I could get lost in his body and never care if I found my way out again.

"Wow..." Owen said breathlessly. I'd been too busy studying him to notice he was doing the same to me. I blushed again. Mostly because I was looking at his crotch and about a second away from drooling. "You're...perfect."

"I...." My throat was too dry for me to even argue.

Owen took a hesitant step closer. "C-can I..?"

I nodded rapidly, not even sure what I was agreeing to but knowing that whatever it was, I wanted.

He walked over to me slowly, like he was worried I'd get scared away if he went too fast. I kinda wanted to yell at him to hurry the fuck up already, but I still couldn't talk. I couldn't even look away from his cock because it was BOUNCING with every step he took and is that supposed to turn me on so much?

When he was about a foot away, he stopped. He reached his hand out, then stopped. "Can I-"

"God, do whatever you want!" I yelled.

He froze.

I froze.

Both our faces flushed.

Oh god, I really am a slut, aren't I?

Then a smile slowly spread across Owens lips and whatever hesitation or worry was in his eyes evaporated, replaced by a heat that I'd never seen before. "Ok," he said.

And swooped in for a kiss.

The same time I launched myself at him.

It wasn't my fault! I swear. He was just....taking too long and he was naked and so close I just wanted to touch him. Our teeth crashed together, somehow managing to completely miss our lips all together. I let out a tiny yelp and Owen pulled back in surprise...right after I grabbed onto his shoulders to steady myself. He pulled me totally off balance and we both went crashing to the floor with a loud THUD.

"Ow," Owen said.

I just laid there, whimpering, hoping the floor would open up and swallow us whole, then spit Owen back out.

Then Owen started laughing.

"It's not my fault!" I said quickly.

"I'm not laughing at you," Owen said, still giggling. "It's just....funny."

"It's embarrassing," I grumbled, my face heating up. God, I thought the worst part about sex would be AGREEING to it, I never thought it would be this hard. Or that I'd suck at it so much.

"You don't have to be embarrassed in front of me," he said.

I pushed off the floor just enough to look down at him incredulously. "You were embarrassed in front of ME. With all the covering up and stuff."

"I wasn't embarrassed," Owen said with a tiny smile. "I was nervous. There's a difference."

"Not much of one," I grumbled.

"More importantly though, you're on top of me," Owen grinned. "Naked."

And just like that my whole body was flushed with a totally different kind of heat again. "Oh."

I swallowed hard, suddenly unable to speak.

"Oh," Owen nodded. "So, I'm gonna kiss you, ok? And, don't-"

I didn't hear the rest of what he was saying. It's kind of hard to pay attention to words when you realize you can feel a hard cock poking into your naked stomach. I slowly slid off his body, feeling his hardness rub against my skin the whole way. Owen wasn't speaking anymore. I didn't know if it was because he was done with whatever he was saying before or if the soft moan cut him off.

I laid next to him, unable to take my eyes off his dick. It was leaking from the tip and it looked so hard yet it was so soft against my stomach. I needed to investigate further. I slowly reached out and wrapped my fingers around it.

"Ohhhh," Owen moaned. I gasped as his cock jerked in my hand.

A grin slowly spread across my face. "That is SO cool," I said, wonderingly. I started slowly moving my hand up and down.

"Ahhh, yeahhhh," Owen said. Although if he was agreeing with me or just liking what I was doing I couldn't tell.

I started stroking a little faster.

"W-wait!" Owen cried.

I stopped immediately, drawn out of my little bubble of fascination. Strangely though, embarrassment or awkwardness didn't come crashing down. I was still way too turned on for that. "What?" I asked.

"We have a bed," Owen said breathlessly, pointing towards it. "Right there."

I nodded. "I know."

"It's a lot softer than the floor," he said, sounding steadier now.

My lips quirked into a smile. "I'd noticed."

Owen smiled back. "So, maybe we should finish this there?"

"Ok," I said. And as easy as that I stood up. I reached down to help him up. I was so fascinated by the way his precum was dripping down and falling almost to the floor that I squeaked in surprise when he pushed me down on the bed, then jumped on top of me.

"Oof," I said.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked worriedly.

I shook my head, "No, you-" My mouth went dry as I realized how we were laying.

I was on my back. Owen was on top of me. On a bed. BETWEEN my legs.

Nervousness started to push its way back in and I wanted to scream. Dammit, I was ENJOYING enjoying this! But then Owen was kissing me and I couldn't focus on anything but that. Kissing felt different when we were both naked and he was on top of me. It felt....naughtier. But also kinda preliminary. Like it was the opening guitar riff of a song and we were both waiting for the rest of the instruments to start up to see where it was going. And where WAS it going?

Owen shifted a bit and his cock brushed against my balls then fell down between my legs and rested there, poking me between my legs.

Oh, right, it's going there.

Way too soon, or maybe not soon enough, Owen stopped kissing me. He pulled back, his face flushed and both of us breathing heavily. "Hi," he said breathlessly.

I couldn't help giggling a bit. "Hi," I said.

"I-I'm gonna ask you something, and I promise I won't ask if you're sure, so you gotta think about it before you answer, ok?" he asked, looking right into my eyes.

I knew what he was going to ask. My throat was dry again and my heart started pounding, but I had no idea if it was from terror or anticipation. Or if there was even a difference. "Ok," I nodded.

Owen licked his bottom lip, then started chewing on it. I was suddenly so glad I'd already decided I wanted to do this because I didn't think I'd ever be able to say no to him when he was doing that. It made him look heartbreakingly unsure, and it just looked so wrong on him.

"Um, c-can" he took a breath, then moved his hips so his cock brushed up against my butt. I shivered. "Do that?" he finished with a whisper.

I'd always gotten so mad at people -mostly Cheryl really- for assuming that just because I was "pretty" and less than manly, that I'd be the one getting fucked during sex. Even though every time I thought about it, I was the one on the bottom. It got to the point where I'd heard that so much that I didn't know if my fantasies and ideas about sex were really what I wanted to happen or just what I thought was gonna happen no matter what I wanted.

But as I was lying there with my legs spread in pretty much the most vulnerable position a boy can be in with another boy, looking up into Owen's eyes, I couldn't think of any other way I'd want this to be. It felt natural. Right. Like it was the way it was supposed to be. And, goddamn did I want it.

"Y-yeah," I nodded, blushing furiously. And then, just to be sure he knew I was sure, I said it again. "Yes."

"Ok," Owen whispered. He leaned down to give me a soft, lingering kiss. "I'll try my best."

I dragged him down and kissed him again, not nearly as soft, but definitely lingering.

"I know," I said when he broke apart. "I trust you."

The smile that got me could have outshone three suns.

He sat back on his legs and slowly ran his hands up and down my legs. I shivered again, then squealed with laughter when he hit a spot on the inside of my thighs. His hands stilled and he raised his eyebrows.


"Apparently," I said wryly. "Um, maybe don't touch me there if you want me at all relaxed"

He looked at me thoughtfully, "How about if I touch you...." he slid his hands down my legs, totally bypassing the ticklish spots, and resting right on the spot where my ass meets my legs. Then, before I could even get used to that, he gently slipped a finger between my cheeks and brushed lightly against my hole. "Here?"

I guess it's kinda pointless to say I blushed again, since my face has been pretty much red since this whole thing started, but I think this deserves a mention. "O-ohhh," I breathed. "Um, n-not ticklish?"

The master seducer look Owen was going for dissolved into soft giggles. "Well, that's good. That could have ruined the whole thing."

"Yeah, um, what?" I shook my head. God that was way too distracting. He just kept....running his finger up and down my opening and it was really hard to focus on anything else.

Owen just shook his head. "Nothing," he said with a tiny smile.

He pushed with his finger, and my whole body tensed, but it was only for a second. The pressure let off almost as soon as it started. Then he just sat there, frowning and studying me intently.

It didn't take me long to get self conscious. "What?" I asked.

Owen blinked, then looked at me sheepishly. "Um, how am I supposed to get in there?"

I blinked. That....was a really good question. "I-I never really thought about it?" I said with a helpless shrug. "D-don't they use, um, you know, l-lube in porn?"

Oh god, do they? I tried to frantically think back to all the porn I'd watched but more often than I'd like to admit I accidentally set myself off before they got to the main event and when I actually did get there they just kinda....stuck it in. But a condom usually magically appeared right before they went at it so maybe they edited out all the technical bits?

"Do...we have any?" Owen asked skeptically.

I was torn between total mortification that I was even having this conversation and trying to hold in a wail of despair at the thought of this not happening. ""

Owen's shoulders slumped just long enough for the wail to seem like a good idea, then he perked up. "Maybe we could-" he stopped and shook his head. "Never mind."

"No! What?" I asked frantically.

"No, um, it's-I thought maybe we could use the shampoo in the bathroom, but, um, that would hurt. I think."

I winced, remembering the time I accidentally poured shampoo into my eye. Yeah, poured. It's...a long story. "Probably," I agreed.

"Spit, maybe?" he asked after almost a minute of thinking.

"Would that be....enough?" I asked skeptically.

"I think I read something where that it works..." he said.

You know what? Good enough for me.

"Ok, let's try it," I said.

"Are you su-"

"Yes." I said quickly. "And you promised you wouldn't ask, remember?"

"Right," he nodded. "Sorry."

We shared a self conscious half smile.

Ok, this was getting way off the sexy tracks here. Not that I know anything about being sexy, but I didn't think awkward fumbling is the best way to have a first time. I needed to get back to where we were before, but I didn't, maybe I do.

I reached for Owen's hand right as he lifted it to his mouth. He paused, his fingers right in front of his face. "What?"

"I-" I chewed my lip. "Um, can I?"

He started to frown, then his face lit up with understanding. Strangely enough, this made him blush. Just a little bit. "Oh! S-sure," he said with a small smile.

I smiled back, then took Owen's hand. My hands were shaking with nervousness and anticipation and I poked myself in the nose with his fingers by accident. Owen giggled. I groaned.

"Sorry," we both said at the same time.

I closed my eyes. "I'm so unsexy," I whined.

Owen's hand brushed my cheek. "No, you're very sexy."

I opened my eyes right as he lightly ran his fingers over my lips. Now's my chance! I opened my mouth and sucked one in.

Owen gasped, then moaned softly. "Th-that, is definitely sexy."

I grinned around his finger, some of the tiny confidence I'd had when we started seeping back in. Not that I had any delusions about suddenly being a sex god, but maybe I could manage this without accidentally biting his finger off or something. I licked his finger, trying to push as much spit as I could into it without actually, you know, taking it out and spitting on it. Finally I figured it was as good as I could get it and I pushed a little with my tongue to let him know he could take it out. He did, and a little bit of saliva dribbled after it. I quickly wiped it away and pretended there was no way he could have seen it.

"You are so hot," Owen said breathlessly.

Like an idiot I was opening my mouth to argue with him when he swooped in for a kiss that caught me totally off guard. Not that I was complaining. Kissing was familiar territory and it was something that I very rarely screwed up, so I relaxed. His tongue swept the whole inside of my mouth and I was just about to melt and moan when he slipped his finger back between my legs and pushed in.


I immediately gave up concentrating on the kiss as a lost cause.

That.....doesn't feel bad at all. Not particularly good either, but not at all bad. Kind of like getting my temperature taken when I was a little kid, but without any cold Vaseline. Which might have been useful now that I think about it. But, just as I was getting used to having something in me and wondering when I was gonna start moaning like the boys in the pornos do, he moved his finger or curled it or something and it hit this....THING, inside me. Pure pleasure shot from my ass right to my cock and my whole body jerked.

"Holy crap!" I yelled.

Owen yanked his finger out. "What? Did I hurt you?"

"No!" I said, frantically pleading with my eyes. "God no! That...." I had a few seconds to realize that I was gonna be so amazingly embarrassed with how I was acting later on before I stopped thinking about anything but getting that damn finger back in there. "I-it felt great. Um, do it again? Please?" I asked hopefully.

Owen's panicked look slowly melted into another one of those smiles. "Ok," he said softly.

Then he put it back in. He didn't touch the spot right away but it still felt better than the first time, maybe because I was anticipating it. But when he DID touch the spot, it was JUST like the first time. I moaned and whimpered and made a whole bunch of other embarrassing sounds as he massaged it with his finger. It went on for....not freaking long enough, when he spoke.

"Can I put another one in?" he asked.

"Mmm, kay," I sighed. I wasn't even really sure what he was asking. For all I knew I could have just agreed to a murder spree and a suicide pact. And, honestly, if he kept doing what he was doing I wouldn't have cared.

There was a stretching feeling as he added....something. Oh, right, second finger. This time it did hurt a little, and I winced. It brought me out of the lust haze but before I could say anything he hit the spot with TWO fingers, and that started a whole new round of moaning. This time he didn't just massage it though, he moved his fingers in and out like he know, DOING me. It felt....different, but still good. Really good actually, after I got used to it. So good that I started pushing back, trying to get him to hit the spot harder when he brushed over it.

At some point he got a third finger in there too. That small bit of my brain that never seemed to totally lose the ability to think pointed out that Owen didn't really look THAT thick, but it felt so good I didn't care. Besides, it was better to be too stretchy than have it hurt when he...did it, right? Right. So let's just shut up and enjoy this.

And I did. Enjoy it I mean. A lot more than I ever thought I would. But then he stopped and pulled his fingers out.

"Wha-" I started, startled by the sudden emptiness and how much I wanted to feel full again. But before I could even get the word out I felt something a lot blunter and rounder than a few fingers brush up against me. My eyes widened and suddenly the whole reason for the amazing fingers, which I'd kinda been trying to push to the back of my head, was all I could think about.

"Oh," I squeaked.

I realized that I was looking into Owen's eyes the same time I realized he was looking at me with so much concern and care and love that it completely took my breath away. I still wanted to look away though. It was just way too embarrassing to look at someone when they're about to put themselves in me. Which is part of the reason why I'd always pictured being bent over something, and, yeah that's not helping. But I couldn't look away. His eyes just....held me there.

"Can I?" he asked, soft and hesitant.

This was my chance to back out. He'd given me so many -and I kinda wished he wouldn't because it didn't get much easier saying yes over and over- but this was the last one. If I said yes to this I'd be saying goodbye to my virginity and any chance of having a different first time. Maybe even something where I didn't act like Andy the Awkward Dork Boy the whole time. But the chances of that were pretty much nothing anyway and if I said no now I didn't think Owen would ever believe me when I said I wanted to do it again in the future. And I did want to do it now. Oh god, did I ever.

"O-ok," I managed.

Owen opened his mouth and I just KNEW he was gonna ask if I was sure, but then he just closed it and smiled. "Ok."

He sat back on his legs again and spit into his hand. He made to slick himself up, but I remembered how much he liked what happened with his finger, and an idea shot into my head. "Wait!" I said, blushing horribly but determined to get it out anyway. Owen stopped and raised his eyebrows.

"Um," I licked my suddenly too dry lips. "M-maybe I could...with my m-mouth?" I gestured towards his crotch, wincing and wishing that I was even the tiniest bit smooth.

Owen didn't notice my awkward embarrassment though. He bit his lip and whimpered. "That...I'd love that but if you do it I'll explode and I really want to get in you."

I blushed even more at the image that put in my head, but at least half of the heat was from arousal. "Ok," I breathed. "Do me."

And now the heat is totally from embarrassment.

"Please tell me I didn't just say that," I said in a horrified whisper.

"You did," Owen said gently. He reached out and lightly brushed my cheek with his hand, the one that wasn't covering his dick with spit thankfully. I leaned into his touch, absorbing the comfort even though I didn't really deserve it after ruining the moment AGAIN. "But it's ok, I definitely will."

The grin he shot me could only be described as cheeky.

He might have looked roguish if it wasn't for the tiny spots of red on his cheeks showing that he wasn't as confident as he was pretending. But that actually made me relax. As smooth as I wanted to be, a charming, suave Owen would just make me that much more down on myself. Since the first time I saw him it was his normalness that soothed me the most.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, and somehow it was actually kind of easy to say yes this time.

He kissed me. Softly. And then slowly pushed inside me. He gasped. Then his eyes widened and he smiled wonderingly at me. "Wow," he whispered.

Holy. Shit. He was INSIDE me! I'm....not a virgin anymore.

And I definitely didn't feel empty anymore. In fact, I kind of wanted to kick the crap out of the part of me that didn't think Owen was as thick as three fingers, because, damn. He definitely was.

I clenched automatically and Owen closed his eyes and moaned. "That good." He sounded strained, like he was trying really hard to focus on something.

I clenched again. The more than slight uncomfortableness of having something that big up my butt pushed aside by the need to get that reaction out of him again. It worked too. He moaned again and shuddered this time. A tiny smile pulled at my lips.

Ok, this is worth the embarrassment.

"Andy," Owen said, breathing heavily. "I-if you want me to last at all, you need to stop doing that."

I almost clenched again right there. I kinda didn't want him to last since I was already being split open and he was only like halfway in. But then I remembered how his two fingers felt at first and how good they felt once they got going and I decided I'd much rather find out what this sex stuff is all about.

"M-move?" I said. It was supposed to come out a lot more...not a question, than that, but I didn't really care because it worked anyway.

He moved. Actually, he sank completely into me with a strained moan. I moaned too, but with a bit more pain than his. It felt like he was pressing my guts into my stomach. Not the most pleasant thing ever. He pulled back and I sighed with relief as the pressure lessened and he must have taken that as a pleasure sigh because he pulled it almost all the way out, then pushed back in. Over, and over.

I'll be honest, I didn't really like the first two thrusts. I still wasn't totally used to having a COCK in my ASS and he pressed my insides hard. I started to wonder if maybe the fingers were a fluke. But then, on the third thrust, something happened. He shifted, or I shifted, or maybe my body was just getting used to having dick in it, or maybe all three, but he hit the spot.

I moaned. Actually, it was more like a scream, but screams usually aren't associated with anything good, and this? This was so, so good. Better than the fingers. MUCH better.

It wasn't perfect. He slipped out a few times and one time poked me in the balls pretty hard when he was trying to get back in and spent almost a solid minute apologizing. I spent that whole minute blushing and trying to pretend it never happened. We eventually found a rhythm though.

He didn't hit the spot on every thrust, either, but that was ok. It ALL felt good now. Really good. I couldn't believe there was ever a time I thought I wouldn't like this. Even though that was less than a minute ago. I moaned and writhed and grabbed his shoulders tight and wrapped my legs around his waist, probably looking like a total whore but I couldn't even try to care. I just wanted more and harder and faster and I might have even gotten some of that across in word form, but I wouldn't have made any bets on it.

He fucked me -Jesus, thinking that word while he does it is almost enough to make me cum- harder either way, his eyes closed in ecstasy and tiny moans escaping from between his lips. He looked so hot. Not just beautiful or attractive, but HOT. And sexy. Like porno sexy, except real. I don't know if it was instinct or something I half remembered from seeing it on a porn, but I had to touch myself. I grabbed my cock and stroked it exactly once before I cried out and exploded all over my chest and stomach.

"Holy crap!" Owen gasped, then moaned and pushed deep into me before stopping and holding himself there. He shuddered above me and I could actually FEEL his cock twitching inside me as he came. If I hadn't just spewed all over myself, I think that would have been enough to make me cum right there.

With one last whimper, Owen collapsed on top of me, making a squelching sound as he landed in my mess. We both barely noticed. Too busy trying to get our breath back from that....awesomeness.

After our heavy breathing evened out into something that didn't look so much like suffocating fish, Owen tried speaking. "Th-that...oh god that was..."

"Definitely," I agreed. "I totally get why people wanna do that all the time now."

Owen laughed. "I love you. So much."

I grinned. "I love you too."

I was surprised that all I felt was satisfied happiness. No embarrassment or panic. It wasn't at all like what I thought my first time would be like in almost any way, but I didn't regret a single thing about it.

"We are so doing that again" Owen said.

"R-right now?" I asked, eyes widening.

Owen blushed and shrugged, but then grinned. "I guess you're not the only one that recovers fast," he said.

I bit my lips hard to keep from talking, scared that something even worse than 'do me' might slip out. Instead I nodded.

And then we did it again.

This time when we were done we were both way too spent to talk. After he collapsed on my second, smaller -but still pretty sticky- mess, neither of us moved on purpose. He slid off me eventually, half of his body on me and half on the bed, but we never let go of each other. I'd never felt like this before. Not just the tiredness or the pleasure or even the soreness in my ass, but the deep down feeling of contentment. I felt like nothing could ever shake that away. Not even waking up five hours later with my ass cheeks glued together with dried cum. I just smiled, carefully snuggled closer to a still sleeping Owen, and went back to sleep.

Best. First time. Ever.

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