My Years of Discovery
By Dave Spowart
Edited by Jerry M
Edited by Jerry M
"How do I do it?" I asked my sister. "Just be yourself. Someone will come along; just when you least expect it. Brian, trust yourself" she replied, and then I just hugged her. I climbed into my beat up Ford and headed off to college. I told my sister a year or so ago I was gay; shortly after our parents had died in a car smash. She was 23yrs. Old, married, and became my guardian. I loved my sister. She became my surrogate Mom, and respected her as such. My parents had set aside enough for me to go to college, and that's what I am doing.
I know my roommate's name is Chad Lewis, and he is a typical Jock. You know, sports scholarships in basketball, soccer, and football. I however, was into baseball and I am also an accomplished swimmer, having competed at state finals a couple of times; so, no slouch.
Well, a bit about me. My name is Brian Jameson, 19yrs. old and from Stanton Ohio. I am going to college in California, as that's where my Dad went; and well that's where I wanted to go. it's just, being gay...well, I was out in senior year in high school. Had a few hook- up's, but nothing serious. I would like to meet someone who gets me, you know, ME!. Freshmen don't usually get parking privileges; so I paid extra to have this privilege. I pulled into my spot and began to unpack my car. I took the first box and headed up to my room. I had already pre-registered for my room and collected my key upon entering the campus gates. "Room 7 second floor" I whispered to myself. I opened the door and received a shock. Bending over, putting stuff away was a God; and I mean God. Standing at about 6ft and built, oh my god was he built! It was a hot day and all he had on was a pair of board shorts. His defined eight pack, his rippling biceps, with a small sheen of sweat, his hair a dirty blond, worn slightly long and messed up: he was perfection! The box I was carrying was covering the hard-on I was definitely sporting.
"Hey, you must be Brian" he said, looking at me. "Chad, I take it" and he smiled. Fuck! That smile! Wow; he was stunning. If he told me to bend over right now, I would; without question. He didn't have a blemish on his skin. Fuck! How am I going to concentrate with him in my room; and for 3 or 4 years, at that. "Here, let me grab that" he said, taking the box off me and putting it down on what I was assuming my bed. "Need a hand with the rest?" he asked, "You know, many hands and all that" he added, and we went down to collect the rest. I couldn't keep my eyes off his perfect ass.
Over the next several weeks we became close and struck up a good friendship. Not close enough for me to reveal that I was gay and extremely hot for his hot bod; but good friends anyway. Things changed when something happened when we went to the gym. I was working out, when another jock shouted faggot, as he walked past me. Chad had been spotting me on the weight bench, and jumped up and pushed the guy to the wall. "Wanna explain that to me so a dumb jock like me understands what the fuck you just called me" Chad spat out with his fist cocked, ready to smash it into this guy's face,
"I wasn't fucking talking to you dipshit; now get the fuck away from me" he yelled out, as Chad dropped his fist and looked over to me, and then him. "Explain it to him then" he demanded. "I am friends with one of his contacts on Facebook; and when he commented on something she said, some guy commented on his response. Let's just say that what the other guy was saying, a guy doesn't say to another guy, get me?" he responded, again looking at me; as did Chad, with a shocked look on his face. Fuck! I wanted to tell him; but now some hick just fucking outed me; and in the fucking gym of all places. "Fuck" Chad spat out, and walked away. He went straight to the locker room.
After that incident, I didn't see Chad all week. I don't know where he was stopping. I wanted to give him space. He was going to his classes, as no notes were posted through our door for warnings; so I knew he was attending. I went to the sports field for baseball practice, and spotted him in football practice. I did not go over to see what the problem was, as I already knew; it was me. I watched as he trained and I got pulled up by the coach for not paying attention. "Eyes on me Jameson" the coach yelled; and, a bit embarrassed, I did,
A couple of weeks went by. Chad had been back to our room, as some of his stuff was gone; but not all. I just have to face facts: he hates the fact I am a fag, and he was just your typical Jock bigot. After about three weeks of no contact I decided to track him down; to see when, or if he intended on returning to our room. I liked him as a friend, at least; as I now know that anything else was out of the question.
I found out he was crashing on some guys couch off campus. I went over to have it out with him. I needed to get on with me being me; not worrying about some bigots hang-ups.
I went to the apartment and knocked on the door. Chad opened the door. "Oh hey Brian" he said. "Can I come in" I asked, and he moved aside to let me in. I looked around the place; it was small. I just turned and faced Chad. "Sorry about you finding out like that" I said, looking at him; waiting for a response, but received none. "But you have been a douche about it" I went on, but still nothing. "Did I ever make you uncomfortable, Chad?" I asked. "Did I ever hit on you?" I was on a roll now. "Fuck! I liked you as a friend; and, well, you just dropped me, like...an old Jock" I concluded, staring at him. A minute or so passed before he responded.
"Are you finished?" he asked. "Yeah" I replied. "Well then, please leave" he said. "So, that's it? Bigotry is strong in you, is it not?" as I stood and headed for the door. "I will be there for my stuff this weekend" he finished, and shut the door. "Fucking asshole" I yelled, and headed down the stairs. I drove back to campus. "Fucking Asshole" I yelled inside the car. "Fucking good judge of character I am...not" I berated myself. "Fuck!!" I concluded.
Three days later, the door to my room was opened and in walked Chad with a couple of empty boxes. "Thought you would be out" he said, not looking directly at me. "Well you were wrong; like I was" I responded. "What the fuck does that mean?" he asked, now looking at me. "I was going to tell you about me, as I thought you would be ok with it; but fuck, was I wrong" I replied. "You fucking hid that you were-" I cut him off. "What? A fag?" I replied, with a smirk on my face. "You should have said, when you moved in. It would have saved this, shit" he responded. "Why, coz you liked me?" I said back. "Yeah, I liked you" he responded. "But I can't live with you now" he said, picking up his box. "Why, coz it will ruin your stud reputation?" I spat back, now not giving a shit. "Something like that; big man on campus, you know" he said, with disdain in his voice; as he headed for the door.
"Shit, Brian" he started to say, but stopped. "Fucking Asshole" I yelled. He dropped his box, grabbed me, and pinned me against the wall. "Don't fucking push me Brian; I fucking warn you" he screamed at me. "Go on big man on Campus; fucking hit me! Complete the bigot act. Come on, fucking gay bash me! Come on!" I fucking demanded. I would not now, nor ever, be intimidated by the likes of him.
"Stop it! Just...Fucking...Stop it!" he demanded. I was seething. "Asshole" I said. He cocked his fist, and I closed my eyes; waiting for the inevitable impact. What I felt however; was his lips on mine. I protested, but his tongue pushed in, and I relented. He invaded my mouth, and fought with my tongue. It was one of the most intense kisses I had ever experienced; and then he stopped, pulled off, and sat down on my bed, sobbing.
I sat down beside him and asked:
"You want to explain what just happened? Coz Chad, I am lost for words, bud" I said, looking at him. He looked at me with eyes of a little boy lost.
"Sorry Bri. I am truly sorry" he said softly, barely above a whisper.
"I cannot handle these feelings. I just can't" he said.
"What feelings? What do you mean, Chad" I asked.
"I am attracted to you Brian. I have been since the first day we met; but" he started, "I just can't act on them" he added. "I think you just did Chad" I replied.
"Yeah, but...oh shit. You know what I mean" he said.
"Do you like me, like me?" I asked, and he blushed. "Yeah, kinda" he replied. "Look Chad, I won't lie to you. I have had feelings for you since I walked through that fucking door; but I thought you were straight, and I was happy to be just your friend. l liked hanging with you, and yeah, I jacked off to thoughts of you. Shit dude, you are smoking hot; but I kept my distance. I did not want to ruin what we had, you know?" I said. "But fuck, when you kissed me... shit dude, you cannot hold out on me" I told him. I leaned forward and kissed him, but he resisted.
"Chad, if you want it, you can handle it. We could keep this just between us" I said, desperate to get what I can; coz, to be honest, I wanted him. I needed him. Desperate on my part, too fucking right I was. Shit! He is a sex god. "You'd be happy with that, Brian?" he asked. "No, but I will take what I can get; and when you think you are ready for more, I will be right here" I said.
"I need to ask one thing of you though" I said. "Yeah, what?" he asked, intrigued. "Are you gay?" I asked, looking at him for a response I would like. "Do girls do anything for you?" I asked. "Gay, yeah I think so; shit. I know so. As for Girls? No. Don't get me wrong. I have fucked girls, but it was just biology. You know, horny teenage hormone shit" he added. "Chad, please don't flaunt them in front of me, ok? Don't break my heart. I beg that of you, ok?" I added.
"Bri, I would never do shit like that to you. I have some feelings for you. I know I am attracted to you; but what else, I don't know. I have nothing to compare it with" he went on.
"But I have to move out; you know I need to do that" he added. "Some people know you are gay; and gay by association, you know" Chad added, but with a frown. "Yeah, I know" I smiled, but forced. I knew I had strong feelings before for him; but now, shit, I was falling for him. And falling hard.
"Hey, want to meet up later on, somewhere?" he asked, looking at me intently. "Yeah, what did you have in mind?" I asked. "You drive don't you?" he responded. "Dipshit, you know I do" I added, sniggering. "I will meet you off campus by the bus stop, and we can head off some place. You know, just me and you" he said, and walked out of the door. "Eight o'clock" he shouted, and a smile broke across my face.
I collapsed onto my bed. Shit, do I have a secret boyfriend? FUCK!!!
To be continued...
Hope you enjoy this new series, my other series is still on going, and will continue, this one however it depends on how people like it so comments will be welcomed,
Readers who like my stuff know they are many, go to Authors and find my name, they are listed under David Spowart