Well That Was Unexpected
By David Spowart
Edited by J Matlock
By David Spowart
Edited by J Matlock
I waited for sometime before he pulled off to the side of the road. He looked at me and then the road in front of him, I could see this was going to go so wrong in so many ways.
"It just happened and we …well we had just met…and " I trailed off still awaiting his response, I could see tears in his eyes. "Talk to me Cal …please" I begged. "I can't believe it…how…why" he started.
"Are you all laughing at me, because right now I feel like a joke," Cal said, and he looked hurt. "I have been with you three guys through all sorts of shit, and now you tell me you have been fucked by these guys," Cal added, now looking truly pissed. "I told you. I fucking told you, you would get mad; and look, you are pissed as fuck," I yelled back. "You have all taken me for a fucking idiot! I knew, I just knew, I just knew it was too good to be true!" Cal yelled. "Trust, I told you from the get go I need to trust. I placed my heart in your hands and you just kicked it off a cliff" he yelled. And the car went silent for a while.
"Get out" he said, not loud but with meaning. "Cal please!" I begged again
"Get out of my fucking truck!" he demanded as his face filled with anger.
"Josh, get the fuck out of my truck!" he yelled. "Cal, please, don't do this. Please," I begged. "How the fuck could you do this to me?" Cal yelled, with tears falling. I reached out, but he slapped my hand away. "Don't! Don't you dare fucking touch me! Get out!!!" he screamed, and I climbed out. "Cal, please," I cried out as he drove away at speed, tires screeching as he turned the corner.
I walked the remaining couple of miles hoping he would calm down so we could talk, but he didn't look like he would be ready anytime soon.
I sat in my family home when I got back, the house was in darkness and I just waited the emotions building somewhat. Mom came down and asked how my night went, and I just burst into tears. I told her that I had an argument with Cal, and he drove off. Of course, I couldn't explain the details to her, as, sorry, sex and discussing such things with mothers is just so wrong. And because I am gay, Dad was out of the question also. So `a fight' is all they were going to get. Luc also tried to get it out of me, but brothers fall into the same category. If only I had a sister, that might have worked.
I tried calling him all night, but got no answer. Where could he be? I tried calling Jake and Travis. I explained some of the problem, but not all. He, like Cal, reinforced that his hang up was trust, and I knew that. I fucked up on that. I know that if I could find him I would tell him and beg for forgiveness.
The weekend passed with no sign of Cal. I didn't have his Grandpa's number in Florida, if he was still there. He could be back in Chicago, at Kenner Engineering, as he was running it, after all. The day I was due to be back I was supposed to be driving back with Cal, but since he drove out of my life, I had to book a flight back.
I said my goodbyes to my family, Aaron drove me to the airport, and I flew back to New York. I got back to campus, searching to see if Calumn's car was parked; it was not. I tried his room. No answer. Dale was with Lisa and he wouldn't be back until later. I went back downstairs and waited and hoped Cal would turn up, but it's been three days with no sign of him. I was beginning to break. I sat on the step and sobbed and it was freezing but I didn't care. I don't know how long I was there but I could see that the sky was getting lighter. I picked myself up, wiped the tears away from my eyes, and climbed the stairs. I entered my room. Todd's bed was still empty. He must be at Laura's, I said to myself.
I tried calling Cal several times and it was sent straight to voicemail. I left numerous messages, pleading for him to call me, but he didn't. I woke up around 2pm. Still no sign of Todd. I just lay there crying myself back to sleep. I had not eaten in three days; I had just ruined the greatest thing to happen to me. Cal now hated me, and I don't blame him. He hasn't tried making contact with me in three days. I should have told him the secret sooner, but waiting six months? Why did I do that? I lay thinking of all the things about Cal I was going to miss: his smile, his laughter, his scent, his warmth, his tender love. Shit, everything. I am going to miss everything.
Todd walked in to the room. "Welcome back, Josh. Fuck, dude, Cal must have worn you out if you are sleeping this fucking late," Todd laughed out. "Don't know. I think we broke up," I replied, with tears falling freely. "What? Why, When…Josh?" he asked. "Three days ago," I responded.
"We went out with Aaron and Kyle," I said. "But what happened for the breakup?" he asked. "They invited us back to Kyle's to party," I said. "Yeah, and?" he asked. "I mean, `party,' Todd," I added. "Ohh, party. And you stopped?" he asked. "I told Cal I didn't want him to miss out on this opportunity," I said. "And I take it he got pissed at you? Josh, it will blow over," Todd said. "No, he didn't. He picked up on what I said and the way I said it," I replied.
"We left a short time later. We didn't have sex with Kyle and Aaron, and when we got almost back he said, 'It was a good night,' and asked me something about 'that wasn't going to be my first ride at the rodeo'," I said. "And the conversation continued, and he came back with the element of trust, and he asked me to at least tell him when. So, I told him it was just after we met. He got leery with me, and said if our relationship was to progress he wanted to know who with," I added, and Todd looked at me, then asked, "Did you tell him?" I just nodded.
"Fuck, Josh. Why did you tell him that?" Todd yelled out.
"No fucking lies, and no fucking secrets!" I yelled out, and the tears were falling once again. "Shit, but Josh, that?" Todd added. "Todd, I am less worried about your rep, and more about what is going through Calumn's mind right now and where the fuck he is! That was three days ago, okay?" I informed Todd, not really giving a fuck about his feelings right now.
Todd went over and opened the door
"Hey, dude, I heard yelling. Everything cool?" asked Dale, standing with Lisa. "Sorry Lisa. Dale, we need you in here ASAP," Todd said, with concern in his voice. "Lisa, babe, call you later, okay?" Dale said to Lisa as he kissed her, and she headed away. Dale closed the door, and sat with Todd on his bed. "Okay, what the fuck's up?" asked Dale, and Todd filled him in on what happened and what was said, and who knew what.
"Can't believe you told him, Josh," Dale said. "And he is really pissed," Todd added. "He feels like we lied behind his back. He said he couldn't trust us, and he feels like an idiot," I added. "We need to find him," Dale said, and Todd added, "Josh, is there anywhere he would go to?" and I just thought for a second. "I don't even know if he has left Boston," I said. "Fuck, what a mess," proclaimed Todd.
"We should have told him," said Dale. "Oh yeah, and how the fuck do you bring that up in a conversation?" asked Todd, and then added, "Oh, hey, Cal. Congrats on the wedding, but just in the interest of honesty, we fucked Josh first. And then Kyle pipes up by saying, `Yeah, but I smacked it first, over all'," he sniggered out. I was seeing no humour in any of this.
"No, but we could have said we had an experience but we won't go into specifics," Dale went on. "Yeah, stable door and all that, dude." And we just nodded. "But we do need to find him," I added. "I have the fucking trial in a week, so I need him beside me, or I will just freak," I concluded. "Josh, we will find him. Think of places he would go," said Todd. "Shit, his address book is in his bedside table," Dale added, and left to retrieve it. He returned and handed it to me. I found the number I was looking for and dialled.
"Hello, who's speaking?"
"Hello, Gramps. It's Josh," I said.
"Hello, Josh. How was your Thanksgiving?" he asked.
"Very good, sir. And how was yours?"
"Quiet. Just how I like them these days," he said with a snigger in his voice.
"How's that grandchild of mine? He sounded down yesterday when he called," he stated.
"Sir, that's why I am calling. We had our first argument, and he walked out. He is not returning my calls. And, sir, I have no idea where he is, and I am worried," I informed him. "Oh my, that boy will never change. Okay, this is for his own good. Josh, he is in the Hamptons; he went there yesterday. Go find him and talk some sense into him," he told him, and laughed. "Good luck, Josh. And if he lets you, give him a kiss from me and his Grandma, will you?" he added. "Thank you, sir. I will. I will do that, sir. Thank you." I was ecstatic. I now knew where he was. "He's in the Hamptons," I informed them. "Dude, the roads are bad. The forecast is for more snow, so leave it until morning, and I will drive you up myself," Todd informed him. "Yeah, I'm coming too. It is my fucking car," Dale informed us. "Okay, but I'm talking to him alone. No ambush. It's my apology to make, and I will make it," I informed them, and they agreed.
"So. Sleep. I've cried most of the last three days, and I am exhausted," I informed them. "Okay, dude. We will get this sorted out, okay?" Dale said, ruffling my hair, which was now pissing me off. What am I? Twelve? "Okay, good night, dude," I replied. "Todd, you staying?" I asked. "Do you want me to?" he replied. "Just need to hear you snore. It relaxes me," I added. "I don't fucking snore!" he replied. "Todd, you do. But it's not bad. As I said, it soothes me to sleep. So will you stop?" I asked again. "Josh, I am going over to Laura's for a bit, and I will come back around ten, okay?" he informed me, and I smiled and just replied, "Thanks."
I sat at my desk and ran through some of the work I had to catch up on. I tried again to call Cal, but like the others, it went straight to voice mail. True to his word, Todd walked back into the room shortly after ten. "Thanks, Todd," I said, standing up and hugging him. "No problem. We can get an early start tomorrow, can't we?" he responded.
I climbed into bed, lying there thinking of the night we had our little one-off experience. It has fucked up so much. "What you thinking about?" Todd asked, interrupting my thoughts. "The night you and Dale fucked me," I replied with scorn that was unintended. "Sorry, Todd, that was harsher than I intended," I said. "No problem, Josh," he replied. "It's just, I almost lost Dale over it. And now the man I love has walked away from me because of it," I added. "Josh, he hasn't walked away because we had sex. He's walked away because we didn't tell him about it, as he said it's a trust thing," Todd said, staring at me. "Yeah, I know. It's just that I love him so much, I cannot imagine my future without him," I added.
"You're telling this to the wrong man, Josh. Tell him tomorrow when you see him," Todd said to me, and I nodded. "You never know. He has had time to cool off somewhat. He might just feel stupid for overreacting," Todd added. And an hour or so later we drifted off to sleep, only to hear my cell go off sometime later. I looked at the time and my watch said:
"Hi, Josh. Sorry if I woke you," Cal said in a soft tone, sounding tired and drunk and like he had been crying.
"CAL!!!!!" I yelled, waking Todd from his slumber. "What the fuck, dude," Todd cried out.
"Cal, are you okay, baby? I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Please, Cal, I need you!" I was in full grovelling panic mode.
"Josh, please let me talk," he said a bit louder than his first words. "Sure, Calumn, please," I ended. "Josh, I love you. I truly do, and I forgive you. But why did you wait for so long? Were you ever going to tell me?" he said, sounding exhausted and somewhat defeated.
"Cal, it's because I left it so long. I couldn't hurt you. I love you too much, and I would die first than see you hurt," I said with tears falling. "Josh, you said it was a one-off experience. Was that the truth? This is the final time you get. So tell me the truth. Please, you owe me that," Cal asked. "Cal, it was that one time. And that was the last time I had sex with anyone except you. And, if you want honesty, that time with Todd and Dale almost ended my friendship with Dale," I added. "Why?" was all he asked. "He reacted badly the following day, like he had committed incest, and he couldn't forgive me, and he couldn't forgive himself," I replied. "So what changed his mind?" Cal asked. "The first attack, when I received the black eye and cuts," I added.
"Cal, please believe me. You are the only one for me, and hopefully I am still the only one for you. You are my life, my present, and, I hope, my future. I want to be your partner in business, but more so in life," I said. I could hear Cal sobbing. "Cal, why are you crying?" I asked. And he replied, "I thought you betrayed me. I thought I would have to walk away from you. Josh, I love you, and I think I need some help," he added. "What help?" I asked.
"I love you, Josh, believe me." Cal was sounding very tired. "Cal, babe, talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked. "I thought I'd lost you, and I couldn't live if I had lost you, Josh. I couldn't live without you," he added. "Cal…Calumn!" I yelled. "I love you, Josh," he slurred out. "Cal, what have you done? Talk to me, buddy. Come on, talk to me!!!" shouted Todd after grabbing the phone from me. Todd pressed the speaker button on the receiver.
"Cal, talk to me, dude. What have you done?" demanded Todd. "I had a bad headache, I took some pills," he informed us. "How many did you take Cal? Tell me, please!!" I cried out. "All of them," he said, and Todd quickly took out his cell, dialled 911, and told them about the conversation taking place on the phone between Cal and I.
"They're sending someone there right now, Josh," he told me. "Cal…Cal…Calumn!!!" I yelled. "Yes, babe?" he sounded almost asleep. "Cal, help is on the way," I told him. "I need to sleep, Josh. I am so tired," Cal whispered out. "NOOOOOO. Cal, stay with me, stay with me, please," and no reply. Nothing. Then he heard, "ZzzZZzzzzz." "He's asleep. I can hear him sleeping." I listened to Cal sleep for almost twenty minutes until I heard the paramedics coming in from the other side, as security let them into Cal's home.
I heard a lot of movement, "Mr Kenner, Calumn, look at me, Calumn look at me" I heard one of the paramedics yell.
"I have a pulse," I heard someone say. "It's faint. Yeah it's low. We need to incubate," he added. "Dispatch, I have white male, approximately twenty years old, possible overdose." He went on to list his life signs, and that they were taking him to the local medical centre for immediate treatment. Soon there was silence from the other side.
"Todd, we need to go now," I informed him. "Yes, I'll go wake Dale," he said and left the room to get my best friend up. Five minutes later both of them were standing in our dorm room, and we left and headed for Dale's car. The roads were bad leaving the area, but once on the highway it cleared. We headed in practical silence to the Hamptons. It was quite a different mood from the first time we went there. Due to heavy snow and icy conditions it took us almost two hours to get to the medical centre. We pulled into the lot, parked, and went to the emergency room.
I ran to the reception desk and asked, "Ma'am, Calumn Kenner was brought in just over two hours ago. Can you tell me how he is and where he is?" She looked at me and asked, "Are you a family member?" And I replied, "I am his partner. Will that do?" And she responded, "Sorry sir, you would have to be a registered emergency contact, or a family member. I am sorry, but that is the rule." "Emergency contact, it's in his wallet. I am his contact," and she checked. "Sir, his wallet was not amongst his belongings," she reiterated. "Ma'am, I implore you. My partner needs me, and you are quoting red tape at me. It is not my fault his wallet wasn't picked up, now is it?" I asked.
"Janet, is there a problem here?" a middle-aged man, dressed in white, asked. "No, Doctor Tyler, I am just informing this young gentleman about the correct procedure regarding visitors," she replied. "Gentleman, may I help you?" Dr. Tyler asked, and the receptionist looked somewhat put out. "Yes, please, doctor. My partner, Calumn Kenner, was brought in just over…" The doctor cut me off.
"Yes, the attempted suicide case. He's okay. He will be a bit sick for a day or two. He didn't take enough to cause any damage, but enough to get rid of what ails you for a while. But when he comes down, he will feel like a very stupid young man," the Doctor said squeezing my shoulder. "Can I see him?" I asked, and he nodded, and took me to the recovery room. Todd and Dale stopped in the waiting room, as I sat with Cal waiting for him to wake up.
Several hours passed. I had managed to get hold of his grandfather, but assured him he was okay. I explained the circumstances surrounding what happened, not the cause, but enough to satisfy. He arranged for the house to be left open, as Cal had the keys, but whereabouts were unknown. So a spare set was arranged. I sent Todd and Dale there to get some rest, and to come back when I needed them to pick me up.
About an hour or so later, Cal began to stir.
"Hey, how long have I?" Cal croaked out, his throat sore from the stomach pump.
"Ten hours. How do you feel?" I asked. "Like a fucking idiot," he croaked out again. "I was stupid, Josh. I had a bad headache I was drunk and I took to many pill's," he sobbed out. "Shhhhhh. Don't be silly," I said. "I am not going anywhere," I added. "But, Cal, this was a bit extreme, don't you think?" I asked. "Yeah, I drank some, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. I rang you coz I wanted your voice to be the last thing I heard," he said, with tears now falling freely.
"Did you really want to kill yourself, though, Cal?" I asked. "Not when I started drinking. I just wanted to feel numb, feel nothing. My head hurt, so I took a couple of pills. Then I just lost my mind and swallowed the rest," he added. "You have to promise me you will talk to someone about this Cal. The same one I am seeing. She is good, and she has helped me. And most of all, if you ever feel like this, ever, talk to me. And I mean talk," I insisted.
"Josh, I feel fucking stupid. I'm so sorry," Cal cried out. "I overreacted," he added. "No, no you didn't. I should have told you sooner. But that's passed. Let it go. And lets concentrate on us, and our future, and what we can have. But right now, Cal, I am just glad I have you back," I responded.
"Always and forever," Cal replied, as I kissed his forehead.
"I love you, Joshua Miller," he said softly. "Ditto," I responded. "Plus, may I remind you just how much I hate fucking hospitals," I added, kissing his forehead once again. "I think I'm going to be sick," moaned Cal.
To be continued…
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