Starting Over 1
Wednesday, Peggy's POV
After Dr. Choi and Alexander left, the rest of us stayed until Jim's dinner arrived. We gave him a hard time about his dinner because the rest of us had decided to eat at the Outreach seafood place.
Just as we were getting to leave, Dr. Palmer arrived for evening rounds. He and I were good friends beginning long ago during my early public health service days. He gratuitously took care of many special needs kids living on the beaches when parents could not be found, or had no health care coverage, or where the kids had been thrown out for various reasons including the inability to accept the child's sexual orientation, gay or lesbian, or transgendered. I was really glad to know that a fine orthopedic surgeon was taking care of Jim.
After briefly getting caught up on current events, he indicated Jim could probably go home the following day and was more inclined to approve his discharge since we already had much of the needed equipment from when Peter and Matt were sick and recovering, and the fact that I am a nurse on sabbatical who could and would readily care for him.
Jim liked him so well that he was going to arrange follow up care on Oahu.
With all of the prescriptions and a Med-Chopper ordered, all was set for discharge the following day.
After giving and receiving hugs and kisses, the boys and I took off for The Outreach, enjoyed a wonderful dinner then headed to the hotel. The boys were laughing and carrying on as I navigated the treacherous roads of the Waikiki strip.
At the hotel, I stopped by the front desk and ordered two additional rooms adjacent to mine. They were easily able to comply with the request. The boys were thrilled, to say the least, although they tried to hoodwink me with sheepish and innocent grins as I handed them their hotel cardkeys.
It was still relatively early so I handed $200 to Antoine and told the boys to have a good time but to stay fairly close by and to be in their rooms by 9:00pm.
I went to my room, took a luxurious bath followed by a dip in the Jacuzzi that comes with each and every room, then fully relaxed from the days' events, I flopped into bed and dozed off while reading a boring book.
I was awoken at a little before 9 by a knock on the door. After making sure I was presentable, the boys, all of them came in where they either hit the restroom urgently or plopped down on the second king sized bed and began jabbering of their adventures. The mood was definitely much improved. When the first group came out then the second group went in and did whatever they needed to do.
The boys went about picking up their dirty clothes, and other belongings to take to their own rooms then we all camped out on my bed talking about the next day's arrival home.
The leading story for the evening news quickly caught our attention:
Last night we brought you breaking news about an incident on the courthouse steps late yesterday afternoon. To recap it, News Channel 16 exclusively reported a 15 year old boy brutally assaulted his father on the Waikiki beachfront. He was arrested and charged with multiple felonies. He was later released due to a technicality during the arrest. The suspect's name is withheld due to his status as a minor.
The prosecutor's office will not be refilling charges. They would not disclose why they are dropping charges, and why they will not refile them.
Our sources were unable to obtain the name of the perpetrator because he is a juvenile, and no charges were filed according to court records.
Other sources have confirmed the identity of the victim: his name is 37 year old James Blake, owner of a telecommunications company in Maui. He is reportedly in serious but stable condition with multiple fractures, contusions and other internal injuries. The hospital would release no further information or details.
Stay tuned to News Channel 16 for latest developments.
This is Sandra Day, good evening. Now back to Phil on the news desk.
"What a crock of shit. Those lying bas…" Matt exclaimed angrily then quickly covered his mouth and looked at me nervously as soon as the words escaped his lips. Neon lights highlighting the classic "oh shit" look plastered his face from ear to ear and from chin to the top of his head. "Sorry, mom, but they are lying through their teeth!"
"They do not know the truth." Antoine said truthfully.
"They don't know jackshit. They weren't there so how can they possibly know!" Matt replied sarcastically.
"Okay boys, the vulgar language needs to stop now. You are all intelligent enough beings who have a good grasp of the English language so use it as it was intended." I admonished.
Peter said dejectedly "When are the lies going to stop? Can't they get anything right?"
I got up and out of bed then drew him into my arms and said softly, "We already know what the truth is, son. We have nothing to hide. I cannot tell what your dad has in mind, but rest assured the truth will be heard. Can you accept that for right now?"
"Yeah. Thanks. You know exactly what to say and when to say it. You are right though, we know the truth as bad as it may hurt."
For the very first time ever, Peter kissed my lips and drew me into a very tight hug. If ever there was one then that was our bonding moment.
Before we parted Peter whispered in my ear after taking me into the little alcove just off of the bathroom, "Would you make me an appointment to see Dr. Miller when we get home?"
"Sure, consider it done, honey. Are you hurting?" I asked softly.
"Yeah, it stings like crazy back there; it's like I'm on fire. I need to go but I'm afraid to … it about killed me this morning."
"I'll tell you what … go on down to your room. Be with David and I'll call Dr. Miller to get a prescription called in."
"He can do that?"
"Sure can. There is an all-night pharmacy just down the street. Peter, it is my job, a job that I accept in a heartbeat, to take care of you boys, and young men actually. Let me do this for you, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks. I love you." Peter said emotionally, happily.
"I love you too. I'll bring it to you when I get back. Go get comfy and relax."
Just as we were about to go back into the main room, David, Antoine and Matt joined us. David asked, "Whatcha doing?"
"Mom and I were just talking about something. I'll tell ya later. Come on David, let's go get comfy and relax some."
With that said the boys took off for their rooms. I got on the phone, contacted Dr. Miller's partner Dr. Borkwin. He said that he would call in a prescription, momentarily. He also had access to his computer system so an appointment was made for 4:15 the following day.
I got dressed then walked down to the all night pharmacy, had the prescription for a high-dose topical steroid filled then sauntered back and knocked on their door. David answered in his brief bikini underwear. Peter was lying on his side watching TV. We went into the bathroom where he watched carefully as I prepared the unit dose syringe with an applicator.
Unabashedly, he dropped his underwear. With his permission, he permitted me to thoroughly examine him externally. While he was quite red and swollen, I saw no source of bleeding. I then gave him his first dose as David paid close attention so that he could give subsequent doses.
As David and I were talking, Peter went into the commode alcove, did his business and said it didn't hurt too much at all so I watched David give Peter his medication then congratulated him on a job well done.
After hugs and kisses good night, the boys left, and I went back to bed and called Jim to see what was up with him:
Me: Hi Honey.
Jim: Hey. What's up? Did you watch the news?
Me: I did. I'm pissed. The boys are upset too, Matt more than the others.
Jim: I kind of sorta am too. Did you watch channel 16?
Me: Yes. I have half a mind to call and straighten that chick out on what really happened.
Jim: Let's not do that and bring any more attention to ourselves right now. Let them think what they want to. Besides, Richard and I spoke of some type of lawsuit earlier today.
Me: I know; not about the lawsuit … anyway we don't want the publicity. The boys have been through enough already.
Jim: Peggy, I need to speak with you about something.
Me: I figured as much <giggling>. How are you feeling?
Jim: Chuckling. Uhm, like I fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my ankle; other than that, well, they haven't called me grace for quite a few years, but I certainly deserve it now.
Jim: Yeah, right. Ha haa.
Me: What do you need to talk about?
Jim: Antoine. Let me finish before you speak, please.
Me: Okay. I think I already know but go ahead …
Jim: He and I talked today. He's concerned, justifiably so, that his family's honor has been violated, particularly Peter's. Peter's honor and that of our family has been and continues to be heinously violated. He has been taught, very well, the ways of family honor. He has to do something else his heart will not rest.
Me: I know. Do not put him in any danger. That's all I ask. He's just a boy …
Jim: Antoine may be a boy but he can certainly handle himself.
He's going to speak with his Sensei, an honorable man I believe.
He'll also make contact with someone he knows in Cuba. I'm not exactly sure of their relationship. Antoine speaks highly of him however. I did not ask for the contact persons' name, not now.
Antoine has been instructed to and has agreed to provide me with any and all information he receives. I am going to involve Fugi in those discussions.
Me: What do you think will happen to those boys who hurt Peter? And the guards – will they be punished?
Jim: I'm sure multiple charges will be filed against them. Richard is on top of it. He says that presiding Judge Kendall is all over it. In fact, it was Judge Kendall who hand-carried his orders for Peter's release.
Me: Okay, but, Jim, I get the final say so …
Jim: Understood. I sat very clear guidelines and boundaries to him. He will honor you. He will honor me. Mostly, I will warn you ahead of time – he will honor his soul mate and his brothers. Maybe not now, maybe not while he is a child under the law … but there will come a time when we can no longer bind him to our rules.
Me: That's only 2 years and a few months away. <Sigh>. Okay, Jim, just let me have the final say so.
Jim: The three of us will sit down to make the ground rules perfectly clear. Are you okay with this?
Me: Yes. Yes, I am. You should have seen the hurt in his eyes as he watched and listened to those lying speak heads.
Jim: I saw his pain today when you guys came up to see me.
Me: I saw it in his eyes, Jim.
We then went on to talk about other things; nothing really important to anyone but us.
When we got off of the phone, I relaxed behind a book and soon fell asleep from the difficult day we had all had … I hoped the boys were settling in so that they could get some good quality sleep.
As told by Antoine
As mom said she ordered separate rooms, one for me and Matt, and the other for Peter and David. Each room was connected to hers. We walked in. The room was stuffy like it hadn't been used in quite some time. Since the room had both air conditioning and full length windows we chose to open them up since the breeze was good and the room faced the south which would catch the brisk trade winds. It worked. Soon the room was cool and aired out.
Matt turned on the 42 inch TV and started channel flipping, finally settling on an old rerun of Doctor Who. Not my cup of tea but he rapidly got engrossed, and oblivious, or so it seemed, to all around him.
I smirked inwardly, went to the restroom, used it and then stripped, hanging my clothes on a hook located on the door, and then headed to perhaps enjoy a significant intermission.
Not only did we have a nice intermission but we also experienced a very nice fireworks show toward the end.
The rest of the evening was spent in the Jacuzzi just talking about this and that and everything in general.
Sleep came upon us easily despite all that happened over the past two days. Matt has a way of doing that to and for me. I love him with all my heart.
I hoped and prayed he would continue to love me after my plan was executed.
One can only hope.
As told by David
As we were getting ready to part from our brothers Matt and Antoine, Matt took Peter aside for a couple of minutes while Antoine and I made loose plans for the following day when we got home. When they rejoined us we each headed into our rooms that mom had arranged.
Though Peter was a bit distant and aloof, he definitely was not where he had been earlier in the day, thank God.
I headed into the bathroom to use the facilities after getting Peter settled into a nice comfortable chair. When I left he was surfing the channels, looking for something to watch. I sat on the toilet and after taking care of business, brought myself to a quick release just for release sake though I wasn't really into it, not without Peter.
When I returned Peter had already climbed into bed, and was lying on his side facing away from entry way… he always sleeps on his back or on his left side… he was lying on his right side.
From the doorway I said, "I love you Peter. I always will."
He gave no response other than to get up and go into the bathroom where he shut the door.
I undressed to my underwear, got into bed and waited for him. The sound of pee hitting the water was the only sound heard, other than, of course, my breathing.
A few minutes later he returned, got into bed and turned facing away from me without saying a word. Dr. Choi had told me that Peter would need a lot of space to process all that had happened to him, that I needed to be patient, that Peter would likely come around eventually but that our lives would be different, and then he gave hope that our lives would become stronger as a result of everything. I held on to that thought as I slowly drifted off to sleep.
Some hours later I was awoken by Peter spooning into my front and draping his arm across my shoulders. He whispered, "I'm sorry."
I turned onto my side to face him then put my hands on his face. His cheeks were wet though he wasn't actively crying, he didn't sound like it, and his body wasn't twitching like he was.
"It's going to be okay. We'll make it through this and anything else that comes our way." I said but didn't think he heard me because his breathing once again went deep and rhythmical.
In his sleep he turned over to his other side, facing away from me.
I was drawn to my love like sweet is to brown sugar. Quietly, gently so as to not wake him I spooned his back and urged my arms under his. Very carefully I lightly caressed his smooth chest and belly, back and forth, up and down, just to let him know that I was there for him, and always would be.
Unable to will it away, unable to stop, not wanting to stop, wanting nothing more than pleasuring this person who was lying in front of me… I slowly went south into that forbidden zone, and then brushed that which designates him male, which was -firm- to say the least.
Then he startled me by lifting his arm, shifting his elbow so that it touched my hand. He urged my hand to continue its southward journey, and then squeezed my fingers when I reached the point of no return.
My need was readily apparent. Peter's hand gently squeezed, released, squeezed, and then led my hand in a familiar fashion.
I had thought he was still asleep however his words, "David, just jack me off, please" made me aware of just how awake he was and how my member was pushing against his underwear covered sweet cheeks.
Somehow I was able to back my hips away so that we didn't touch 'that' way. He shifted his position and rested his arms and hands on his belly and chest.
I whispered hesitatingly, "Can I take your shorts off?"
"No. That medicine is gooey." He then took my hand and took to beneath that thin piece of cloth and urged it to grasp his member. He added, "Just jack me off. I think I can cum."
"Can I kiss you while I'm doing it?"
"If you want to."
Alexander's words came back to me, he'd said, "Take it slow and easy, and let him lead the show."
But I wasn't leading the show. Yeah, I had reached in and touched my love but it was Peter who took my hand south of border and urged me to grasp hold of that which provides the male human body pleasurable sensations.
I removed my hand from his organ, raised to where I could cup his cheek so that his lips came to mind without my having to lay on his body. He didn't reject the tentative kiss that I planted on his lips, but he didn't return the gesture, he just lay there passively. I thought to add some pressure which elicited a return kiss to my lips from him. While he wasn't rejecting my advances, he was not encouraging them either. I wasn't worried or put off… I was just grateful that he was allowing me into his inner being.
Since he didn't turn away, I released his cheek and let my hand travel south, and then gently pushed my hand into his underwear where I took hold of his maleness and began a gentle trip to his release. He reached down and urged me to go faster.
And then it happened. While he didn't rock and roll and spasm, he did wet everything in close contact, including my hand.
I could take no more of that hiding my fully elongated tool between my legs. I allowed it to pop out and then experienced a fulfilling release into the mattress, soaking my shorts and the sheets beneath me.
Thinking he wouldn't mind, I kissed his chest and then went south to where his nectar had splashed on his belly.
That was too much for him. With an urgent shove with his arms he pushed me off so focused that I slipped and fell off the bed, landing on my butt, wondering what had happened.
Immediately, Peter leaned down, grasped my hand and helped me up then urged my presence next to him, all the while saying over and over, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
"Okay. Shush baby. It's okay. I understand."
"No you don't understand David. I hope you never understand. Please God, don't ever let David…" Peter sobbed. His chest was heaving, trying to keep his emotions in check, yet his sniffling and exertions said otherwise.
I laid my hand on his chest and started rubbing little circles, avoiding his nipples.
Peter soon attained a modicum of composure. Softly he said, "David they made me do that, what you were going to do, and somebody…. somebody said that if I got off then I'd beg like a bitch. David, in all that hell they gave me a pleasure… and then… and then… and then… David, do you know what saved me?"
"You're strong, baby. Your strength amazes me."
"I'm not too strong, David. I wasn't able to stop them. Antoine, he taught me relaxation and meditation last week…" Between sniffles and stifled sobs Peter continued, "I saw my body, I saw what they were doing, but I was being held high by an angel, two angels actually. One of the angels was Matt. The other one, I'd never met, and haven't seen him since. David, each one of those guys in that cell, and those guards… those guards… they fucked me so hard that my head was hitting the concrete wall… the weird thing is that I saw them do it but I didn't feel it… it was like I wasn't there but I was there. Then I went blank. The only other thing I remember is an angel carrying me away. He was a big man. And he was crying, and he was telling me that I had to be okay because if I wasn't okay then he was going to die, and that he didn't want to die, and he didn't want me to die."
I didn't know what to say so I didn't try to say anything but I did lay my head on his chest, I did wrap my arm around his torso, and that is how we fell asleep.
Thursday, as told by Alexander
Hou and I were lounging around the hotel room after we'd shown each other the depth of our love, physically. I really love cuddling with him. He makes me feel so safe. I guess I fell asleep in his arms because the next thing I knew I was sweating really badly. He was holding me trying to calm me down.
When I awoke, Hou was holding me in his arms. At seeing that I was awake he said softly, "You had a nightmare, Love. Are you okay now?"
I blinked several times to get my eyes open. They felt like they were matted down. When my eyes were fully open, I saw his facial outline. I replied, "Yeah, I think so. I was dreaming about Peter. It's really odd seeing him again."
"He's a special young man, isn't he? What were you dreaming about?"
"I was dreaming about how we first met. I was walking down the beach when I saw him talking to some guy. They weren't really talking, they were arguing. The guy looked like he was trying to get Peter to go with him and Peter had absolutely no desire to go. I don't even know why, but I walked up to him and put my arms around him. The guy with him looked at me like he was gonna kill me when I said to Peter, "Hey, Lil Bro, you okay?"
Peter looked at me and played along like a trooper. "Yeah, where have you been? I've been waiting for you for the longest time!"
I asked him, "Is this guy causing you grief?"
Peter responded, saying, "Nah, he was just leaving. I told him I wasn't available."
"Peter gave the guy a nasty look that the trick returned in spades… the look in the guys' eyes was like he was sticking Peter with knives, but he left."
"Peter and I got to talking and we hit it off pretty well. We hung out the rest of that day and over the next few months we got to be good friends. I can't help but wonder what would have happened to him if I hadn't come along."
Hou contemplated for a second before saying, "I've told you before that fate places us exactly where we need to be. I have no doubt that is what happened then, and again now. Your and Peter's fates are intertwined. When we get back home and get into his therapy, I want you to be a part of it. That leads me to a question. Have you decided what you want to do for your career?"
"Yeah, I'm sure about what I want to do… I want to do what you do. Will you help me?"
Hou looked at me with all the love and support I have come to expect in him. He smiled and told me he'd be there to help me along. He thought I'd be a great therapist.
"Alexander. I need to ask you a somewhat personal question."
"You know babe, nothing you can ask is too personal for me." I replied, surprised that he would hold back asking me a personal question.
"You and Peter, did you…?"
"Oh GOD NO!"
Hou reached down, kissed my lips and smiled.
I added, "He was my little bro! We couldn't … we wouldn't ever go THERE!"
Hou's smile deepened, and said, "Well, he IS a very good looking boy, and so are you, so, it goes to figure…"
"Yes, he is very good looking, and I am too, but no, we didn't. Peter and I had a relationship that went beyond sex, Babe. We watched out for each other."
Hou kissed me deeply then said, as a matter of fact, "Then that's the end of that. I love you, Lex-Lex…. You know, I like that nickname, I think I'll use it from now on."
- Hey, it's me, David -
Upon awakening, I heard water in the bathroom sink running, teeth being brushed and a humming of an old song we liked the best. Peter, in his clear, crisp, adolescent voice was softly singing the lyrics to our special song "Come Sail Away" as sung by Styx.
That song took me back to when we first coined it our favorite song. The song had played on the radio after we had gotten in the car to go home from the fiasco in the underwear store at the mall in Maui.
Quickly, I got up, grabbed my crutches then hobbled into the bathroom where, together, we finished the last stanzas of the song in perfect harmony:
Singing, come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lads Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me
"I'm hungry." Peter said as a particular loud gurgle resounded from his tummy. Mine joined his in perfect harmony … we giggled then got dressed after taking a shower together, and kissing briefly many times. Though his kisses were cool and somewhat distant, he was initiating, and they were much warmer than they had been earlier in the night.
Just as we were gathering our dirty clothes up to pack away in our overnight bags for the trip home that day, a knock on the door was eagerly answered by Peter. It was Antoine who was wearing a reserved smile on his face then he broke out in an all out smile after seeing the levity in Peter's eyes.
"Well, don't just stand there dufus. Come on in." I said happily, contentedly.
Antoine motioned for us to sit on the side of the bed with him. His face changed from happy to serious. His brows furrowed then he looked at Peter intensely then to me … he started to say something but hesitated, deep in thought.
Simultaneously several stomachs grumbled. Antoine's didn't stop on a dime though. I mean it was a long, loud rumble which broke the slight tension in the room.
I asked, "What's up bro?"
He smiled warmly and replied, "Starved stomach."
Matt quipped, "No shit, Sherlock. Then he added after a brief pause, "Oh, Dr. Choi and Alexander are going to join us so hurry up."
Peter replied, "Cool. I like them. Lex-Lex and I spent a lot of time together. We got each other out of a lot of scrapes. I watched his back and he watched mine. Well, mostly anyway."
Antoine said to Peter, "Alexander doesn't hold anything against you. He's really glad to see you. Come on, let's go eat."
Peter and I stayed behind. I said to my love, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good. I'm hungry."
I leaned in and kissed Peter's lips. The look in his eyes told me that he was afraid, yet he wanted to kiss me. I said, "Peter, don't worry about us, okay? We're going to be just fine, I know we will. If I do something wrong just say so, don't keep it inside, okay, please?"
"I'm sorry. I'm kind of confused right now. I don't know what to think really."
"Well, I don't have to think about loving you. I know I do. So just get used to it. I'm here to stay whether you like it or not, so there. Let's go eat."
With that said I pulled Peter into my arms, kissed him deeply and added a bit of tongue. He smiled then reached for my tongue with his lips and squeezed it firmly.
"I could do this all day long. And then tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next…" Umph.
He kissed me.
He actually kissed me. I don't know to this day whether he kissed me because he wanted to or if he just wanted to shut me up so we could go eat.
We went next door to mom's room. Everybody was waiting for us.
Mom gave Peter a deep hug then released and asked him how he slept, told him that he smelled good from his shower and how nice his hair looked.
Matt, with a wicked grin on his face said to mom, "What about the rest of us? How do we look? How do we smell?"
"Like a pack of elephants." She replied seriously but then cracked up when Antoine walked to her with a serious expression on his face.
Peter smiled his radiant Sunday best, looked to me. It was then that I saw that old gleam in his eyes. My heart soared to new heights, my heart went pitter patter. Something else went pitter patter too but Matt said, "So, are we going to stand here all day or are we going to go eat? I vote: let's eat."
Peter looked to mom, "I'm hungry too. Can we go eat, please?"
Antoine's stomach gave another trademarked heave ho at Peter's question which cracked us all up. Peter even smiled and then his stomach rumbled which set us off again.
Mom said for everybody to get their bags as our schedule was pretty tight.
Peter said to me, "I'll go get our stuff. There's not too much. I'll be right back." Without waiting for an answer he took off, and Matt and Antoine took off for their room.
Mom asked, "How did it go last night?"
"Okay. He told me some stuff about what happened… it's between us for right now, okay? He's going to be okay… it's just going to take some time. And I'm going to be with him no matter what."
She replied, "I'm glad. I'm not going to ask what you guys did or did not do. If you need some help or some guidance or just someone to talk to… just know that I'm here for you anytime. So is your dad. What I'm saying is that you don't have to do this alone. Dr. Choi and Alexander are here also. I want you to talk to the doctor… he's experienced in what is going on."
"Yeah, he told me not to bottle things up inside… he said the same thing you did."
Just then Matt and Antoine entered the room, and then Peter arrived carrying our bag. Mom handed Antoine the keys to the rental car and told him to put our stuff inside and then meet us in the restaurant.
He and Matt took off leaving Peter, mom and I together. She said to Peter, "Are you ready to go eat?"
Peter nodded affirmatively. He looked to me and waited for my answer. I said, "So what are we waiting for?"
We took off down the elevator after one more look in the hotel rooms. Satisfied that we had everything we met up with Dr. Choi and Alexander in the restaurant and were seated by this really kewl looking dude who was smiling just too much for that time of the morning. In any event, he was nice, cordial, polite and mannerly while seating mom then each of us individually.
Host: Enjoy your meal; your server will be here right away.
While small talking, the waiter arrived, took our orders then swished his way into the kitchen to place them. Everybody giggled seeing his flamboyant exit.
Breakfast was lighthearted. Alexander is quite the comedian, and he threatened to take Matt out of the comic business, but was not quite successful. Their bantering back and forth created a light and jovial atmosphere, which is exactly what the doctor ordered (joke <g>).
Peter whispered in Dr. Choi's ear just as we were getting ready to get up from the table to go our separate ways. Our flight back home was scheduled for 1:00pm; we needed to be at the airport at 12:15, at the latest.
While finishing up our drinks, Peter announced "Mom, Dr. Choi and I need to talk alone for a few minutes, please?"
Mom looked at her watch then said "Honey, we really need to be leaving for the airport …"
Peter's head dropped but he said, "Okay."
Mom, seeing his reaction quickly said, "Go ahead. Take however long you need. We'll be here when you get back."
"Peter, do you think 15 minutes will be long enough? If not, then I will commission our private service jet to take you home … would that be okay Peggy?" Dr. Choi asked with genuine concern.
"I'm sorry but we can't. You guys have already dropped what you were doing to be here … we cannot impose on you anymore." Mom said.
My heart sunk my chest. I couldn't believe she said that.
I was just getting ready to say something when Dr. Choi said, "You are not imposing on us, Peggy. We are grateful to be here. Not only have we had the opportunity to be of help to your family … we have also enjoyed our alone time <looking at Alexander, who smiled>." He added, "When we came up here yesterday, I commissioned a small private jet. It is available with only an hours' notice until Sunday night when we had planned to return home."
I looked to mom incredulously when she said, "Peter, you have an appointment with Dr. Borkwin at 4:15 today." When she saw the look on my face and me take Peter's hand in mine she added, "We can always reschedule this appointment."
Peter replied, "I can wait, it is not a big deal."
That said, Peter took my hand in his then softly whispered in my ear "Come on." Then to everybody seated he added, "We'll be right back."
Dr. Choi whispered in mom's ear. She looked at him seriously then turned to us and said, "Peter, I've changed my mind. Dr. Choi assured me you would make your appointment. I'll meet you at 4:00 at Dr. Borkwin's office.
Peter nodded. He broke away, walked to mom and hugged her deeply, then went to each Antoine and Matt and did the same. He lingered with Matt. When they parted, Peter was smiling.
Mom paid the check then they headed outside.
Dr. Choi made eye contact with Lex-Lex. Lex-Lex said to Peter "David and I are going to the terrace. We'll be back in a few."
Slightly, Peter nodded then Lex-Lex and I took off for the terrace to allow Peter to share his fears with Dr. Choi, alone.
That said, we walked out onto the terrace and left the door open. I walked over the chest high wall, rested my arms on it then enjoyed a few minutes of quiet solitude watching and hearing the waves come crashing in. A few seemingly midget people were out playing in the ocean.
He said, "I have a feeling there's something you're worried about."
Cryptically I replied, "Always. Peter."
Quietly, Alexander offered, "As you should, but I think it's more about Peter and Me."
I wasn't sure how to respond, I just looked at him all the while wondering what his and Peter's relationship had been all about. Sure Lex-Lex was attractive, very much so … but I wondered what Peter saw in him … all sorts of thoughts and feelings along those lines kept plaguing my mind then he said, "You need to know that I love Peter, but in a very different way than you do. What he and I shared is sorta like two brothers going through a war. We took care of each other, made sure the other was safe. And, I know you're wondering, so I'll tell you: No, we never had sex, not even once."
My question allayed, a wave of relief overspread me like the sun for a flower garden at first light. Suddenly, I realized my fears were unfounded. Tearfully, I said and meant every word: "Thank You. Thank you for being a good brother to the person who makes my life complete. I feel a heck of a lot better."
I pulled Lex-Lex into a brotherly hug, held him tightly as my tears of relief overtook any lingering thoughts and I feelings I had had regarding his and Peter's relationship.
Meanwhile in Dr. Choi's room, Peter's account
I asked Dr. Choi if I could use their restroom before we started talking.
After taking care of business I returned to the room. Dr. Choi was sitting at a little settee table in the middle of the living area of the suite. I noted that his back was facing the terrace. A shiver ran up and down my spine. As if he were reading my mind, which didn't have much going on yet it had a lot traveling through my brain all at the same time, he offered me a seat in front of him.
I put my chin on my hands and looked at Dr. Choi for a moment thinking that I wanted to talk to him about what David and I did, or tried to do, and then debated on telling him or asking him. Finally, after a moment of contemplation I said, "David and I tried to be intimate last night … he was, well, sheesh, I mean, I got really afraid … I wanted to, kinda … I don't know … yeah, I was afraid …"
"Tell me. What scared you the most about it?"
"Uhm, I thought he was going to … we were lying side by side, spooning, David was spooning me … he needed … I couldn't … he didn't push, he stopped … then his mouth … I couldn't do that either … then he rubbed me … I was too awake I guess, or something… I'm confused."
"Uhm, I kinda sorta… well, I kinda sorta…" I said then put my head down, unable to go further, as profound sense of confusion settled in… "I mean I kind of wanted David to make love to me, and I kind of wanted to make love with him too… something… oh fuck, I don't know what I was trying to say."
Dr. Choi laid his hand, palm up, on the table, about 6 inches from mine.
I reached over laid my hand on his, palm down.
Dr. Choi said, "It is okay, Peter, take your time, slow down, let it out. David loves you, and he knows you're hurting. Tell me what's going on inside your head. I'm listening."
I looked up then I looked at our hands. Nothing I felt or saw about it felt bad or malevolent. Instead our touch was comforting, so much so that I offered, "David didn't push me or rush me or anything like that. He's kewl. It's just weird… I want him to… but then I don't want him too… I'm really confused, you know, I mean it's weird."
"It's not weird at all, Peter. His ability to read what you were feeling and to back off is but one proof of his love for you. You will heal. You will get over it, but, it has to come from within you. David will be there no matter how long it takes. But, you probably need to tell him. Explain to him what you're feeling. I know it's confusing for you. You may not even know exactly what you're feeling. But, he deserves to hear from you whatever you feel up to telling him. Not what happened, but what's going on in your heart."
"Yeah, we kind of talked… I told him what happened…" I continued talking about what I'd told David of the experience, because I felt safe doing so, and I told Dr. Choi that I felt safe talking with him about it because I didn't feel that our conversation would leave the room.
I continued, "Dad said that our lives are going to be different. I guess this is what scares me the most. I am so… am I going to be okay? Will I ever want David… oh shit… what am I trying to say… I don't know… I love David… I guess I just need to know if I'm going to be okay so that we are okay."
"Change is as much a part of life as life itself. One of the things we are powerless to change is change itself. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. What I try to do and what I taught Lex-Lex to do is to thrive on that change; to look forward to it as a new adventure in our lives; the opportunity to harness that change for the betterment of ourselves and those we love. Use the changes in you and those around you. Make them part of you. I think you will find that even out of something as horrific as what you went through, you can find something positive to take out of it. Think of it, Peter. You have seen exactly how close your family is. This terrible event brought your big bro back into your life. This really fucked up event gave me an opportunity to meet several extremely wonderful people. Yes, I mean you and your brothers. It was absolutely heinous, what those freaks of nature did to you, but, grow from it. Learn from it. Don't let it take you over."
"I'll try. I love my family so much. They love me too. Did you know that when they, when it … whatever … anyway, David and Matt were in my head completely. I actually felt strength from Matt! It didn't hurt … not then … and Antoine, he taught me some things before it ever happened, a couple of weeks ago…"
"You have a deep connection to those that you love. It can be a comfort, but it can also be a curse. Anytime you need to talk, I will always be no more than a phone call away. What do you think? Are you ready for us to get David and Lex-Lex into this?"
"Yeah, I'll go get them."
They were standing on the balcony just outside the door of the hotel room. I did not recognize the voice that fired from my body, it was as though I was disembodied yet I wasn't disconnected, not at all. "Hey you two … what the fuck … what the fuck … what the fuck are you doing?" Then shock took over. The way they were standing, they way there were holding each other … and it looked like they were fucking goddamned kissing!
Dr. Choi quickly entered the walkway, turned to me then to Alexander then to David then back to me. He took a step closer to me and started to open his mouth. Before Dr. Choi, before anybody could say anything, using the same tone of voice, I said, "What the fuck are you guys doing? Geezus Alexander. David, what the fuck is going on here?!!"
David swiveled on his crutches to face me. He said, clearly upset, "Alexander and I were talking about how and when you guys met. I was really jealous of him, but he was telling me how much he did for you and what you did for him. I was only saying thank you. You know, nobody in the entire universe could or will replace you. I love you, unconditionally, Peter. But … it's kinda kewl that you got jealous!"
Not seeing anything funny, I spat back, "Fuck me, David. You guys were fuckin kissing … shit … what is it David? I can't put out so you go… Lex-Lex… god dang it, son of a bitch, it sure didn't take you guys long to…"
Quickly, in a heartbeat, David walked to within an inch, no more, of me and then moved so that his face was in front of mine. Clearly, he was upset, "Peter, stop it, don't do this. Listen to me: We. Were. Not. Kissing. Look… do you see this ring on my finger? <He held it into our faces>. You gave this to me. And I gave you mine. Read the initials and the damn inscription. I. Will. Wait. Forever. For. You. If. I. Have. To. Besides… if I were the kind of guy who would go out and fuck around then I damn sure would have taken it off. Give me some fucking credit."
No sooner had those angry then sad words escaped his lips than unshed tears filled his eyes. Then he stepped back when I didn't stand down from boring holes into his soul. But then something, I couldn't identify it then, but now I see that my reserves were breaking down, and I saw a pain in him that I'd never before seen.
Yet I wasn't done yet. "Lex-Lex and I had all kinds of opportunities to fuck around. Secretly, truthfully, I wanted us to fuck around… no, actually I wanted to fuck him into next week. There. The truth's out. Do I now want to fuck him now? No, absolutely not. David Blake, were you or were you not kissing him?"
Angrily, he spat back in my face, "No. We. Were. Not. KISSING!" To Alexander he said, "Alexander, you're one hunky man. If I were the type, I'd fuck you to death. Hell, I didn't even know I was gay until Peter brought me out." He turned to me, "Peter, we've been through too much to even have this conversation. I'm going downstairs until you come to your senses."
With that said David turned to the open sidewalk ahead of him, took two rapid steps toward the stairway when Dr. Choi said, "'David. Peter needs you. Stay. Talk it out. More importantly, if you leave it represents that you're giving up a very deep level. Stand your ground. Tell him how you feel. He knows, but he needs to hear it over and over and over."
David turned to Dr. Choi. Hissing, clearly losing control, David said, "You don't think I'm hurting. This is ripping my fucking guts out. I can't even imagine… I can't… I couldn't be there in that fucking cell… I would have ripped their cocks off… I swear…!"
I saw something taking over David. He shuddered. His eyes went distant, if only for a second. Nobody else noticed it. I do not think even David was aware of the slight change…
Dr. Choi said, "David. Forget the events that precipitated it. Talk to Peter. Tell him how you feel about HIM. Not about what happened to him. Tell him how important he is to you. Tell him how important you want to be to him. It seems redundant, but, it's a building block. Something you can use later to grow on together."
To no one David lamented, his tears freely flowing, his voice brokenly said, "I can't get it out of my head… I see… I see… I see…"
Then David changed. He looked like he was in excruciating pain. It was gripping him like a vice; sweat beads broke out on his forehead with a few of them lazily rolling down from his forehead into his eyes; his face paled… so much so that he leaned against the wall for support… He was leaning heavily on the crutches that were supporting his weight.
I hadn't realized that David had been keeping all that inside. I then realized that he had been supporting me all along, disregarding or at least hiding away his pain for what had happened. I realized that there was no way he could understand what I was feeling, experiencing; what I'd experienced and what I felt when those sons of bitches… when those sons of bitches were… when I couldn't stop it… when I couldn't stop them…
I walked to David, put my hand on his shoulder and said softly, "You were there, David, you were in my head. I prayed… Matt was there… Antoine was there… and another guy our age was there… I can't explain it, David. I didn't feel any pain, not then, that was to come later. It was like I wasn't even there at all, but I was there. They might have taken my body but they didn't take my soul. If you go then … well then if you do, my soul dies, just like a flower sheds its leaves when its lifespan is complete, never to return."
Alexander said, "Peter, I would have been with you too, but I didn't know… we lost track of each other when I was busted, when I went to Juvenile… we were on the streets, Peter, there was no way we could have kept in touch. Our fates were different. Now, today, I have Hou. Today, David's here… for you. David, I was a whore. If I wanted to leave Hou, which I do not want to do, I would have had you in my bed. Our fates are all different though." With that said Alexander grasped Dr. Choi's hand, gripped tightly, then leaned in and kissed Dr. Choi on his lips, somewhat passionately.
Then Alexander turned to David, "David, we all have our demons, except that mine ate me up long before your age. I have loved before though I was too fucking stupid to realize it, at that time. You don't have to make the same mistake I did. I left when the going got rough. The results were catastrophic to the one I loved."
Dr. Choi turned to David, "David. I need to know. Peter says you were there. Did you actually witness in your mind what happened to him as it was happening or was it your mind's eye giving you visions of what you THOUGHT it was like? You and Peter share a very strong bond, and it wouldn't be unheard of if you actually DID witness it from afar."
I turned to David. In and thru his eyes I saw a pain like I'd never before seen. A fire, similar to a torch, was burning the delicate tissues that cover the eye, like he was being stabbed with a white hot poker. At first, at first glance I thought he had been experiencing phantom pains in his leg but it was so different.
David started shaking. Immediately, I grabbed hold of his arm. Dr. Choi and Alexander, seeing what was happening quickly stepped to David. Each took hold of his arms, pushing mine away. They slowly lowered David to the concrete sidewalk. David, quickly, at the very last possible second turned his head, puked violently. I crouched down and then sat down when pains went shooting through my side, and through my anus up into my chest, but then they abated, just as quickly, just as David's stomach violently rebelled one more time.
He was sweating profusely, his eyes were opening and closing rapidly, his legs were twitching, and the toes on his right foot were pointed down making his leg and foot look like a horizontal plane.
Quickly, Alexander got up, pulled his cell phone out and announced, "I'll call 911."
Dr. Choi quickly said, "No, not yet. I've never seen this experience before; I've only read about the phenomenon in some medical journals." To David, he said, "David, are you with us? Tell us what is happening. Where are you? What are you feeling?" To me he said, "Peter, sit down next to David. Hold him firmly. No matter what you do … do not release him for any reason. This is very important."
As if he were talking to someone else, David slowly said, "Last night Jeremy, Allen, Angel and I were swimming, you know in the pool back home… a dream came inside me… it was like it was happening right then and there, in real life, yet it was foggy at the same time. And then I swear to God that my leg was being sawed off and then some people were splashing the edges with turpentine and then they lit a match. I saw your face Peter. I tried to kiss you but you were too far away. When I reached in to touch you because were so close to each other… it was like my hand went through you, as if you were air."
"I went down. There was nothing I could do but to sit there on the bottom of the pool. Your face was the only thing I saw, and then you were gone. It was like what happened didn't happen at all. I was confused… but I still felt you. And then a boy, I saw his face but I could not tell you who he was because I'd never seen him before nor since, grasped me and pulled my body to the top. At the same time, Jeremy, Allen, Angel and someone else jumped into the pool and lifted me and carried me to the deck. The searing hot pain in my leg was gone but the ache remained, in fact the ache just began, and it continued until today when I saw you."
David then started convulsing and contorting and screaming in agony. I laid down next to him on the concrete and began kissing his cheek, and then something inside took me over. Without any forethought whatsoever, without any reasoning whatsoever, I sat up, unpinned the safety pins holding his pants leg up so that it did not dangle while he walked then I touched his bare stump gently with my hand.
Not yet satisfied, automatically, instinctively, certainly not from my own volition, or so it seemed, I reached down and kissed his bare stump with my lips while holding it gently in both of my hands.
Suddenly, inexplicably so, an achy headache blurred my vision and a tremendous feeling of pressure along with a few shooting pains passed through my sphincter and into my lower belly. They weren't bad, but they were not at all pleasant, no way, but they were doable.
David, meanwhile, sat up, grasped my head in his soft hands and together we softly sang in perfect harmony using our shaking but very usable adolescent voices:
I'm sailing away Set an open course for the Virgin Sea 'Cause I've got to be free Free to face the life that's ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain So climb aboard We'll search for tomorrow on every shore And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on
I look to the sea Reflections in the waves spark my memory Some happy, some sad I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We lived happily forever So the story goes But somehow we missed out on the pot of gold But we'll try best that we can to carry on
Quietly, in the background, I heard Alexander exclaim "What the fuck? What's happening?"
To be continued
(Revised January 19, 2012)
Authors' Note: Come Sail Away is Copyrighted by Styx, all rights and privileges belong solely to Styx. Since "The Light" has no financial consideration, nor will it gain any financial status of any kind then we find no copyright infringement of any kind.
Once again, I thank Hermes for his character contributions, Alexander (aka Lex-Lex) and Dr. Choi, and for the time we spent together brainstorming ideas for Book I, chapters 68-72, and now this one.
Joe Writer Man