This is my very first story written ten years ago.
The main character threatens suicide but it is an emotional and figurative threat, not literal and as the story moves on he forgets it.
We sat together in his Dad's garage. I was worried; Kenny was tearing his bike down and cleaning it for a trip. It was a beat-up old Yamaha.
"I can't stand it here anymore. If I don't leave,..." There was a painful pause. "I hate this fuckin place and everyone in it."
"What did your Dad say?"
Kenny continued pulling the plugs out of the bike engine, but didn't look up when he answered.
"Fuck him! I haven't told him. I haven't told anyone except you."
I knew this was serious and I felt a rising panic inside me.
"Kenny, if you leave, what am I gonna do.
This time he looked up at me and I could see the pain in his face. I thought he was going to cry. He started to speak in a slow and halting voice.
"What's the point? I'm no fuckin good and I just don't care anymore."
He was down working on his bike again. His face was concealed by black hair and the red hood of his sweat shirt. I thought to myself, If he leaves, what's going to happen to me?
I had grown to love everything about him from his crooked front tooth to his beat up old nikes. My stupid life had become all about him. His face had broken out again. It bothered him, but it never bothered me. I looked at his bare knee sticking out of his ripped jeans. Kenny was just a few years older and no one knew about us. No one knew that we were already having sex. If he takes off, I feel like I might kill myself.
I said, "Where you gonna go?"
He answered, "Further West, maybe Oregon. I've never seen the ocean before. They got McDonalds there like everywhere else so I'll be able to work."
He looked straight into my eyes and said, "Jimi, I can't stay here."
His pain had spread through his and into my own. I leaned forward and tried to get shelter in his paint spattered old jacket. I slipped my arms around him and breathed in his scent. Kenny was always like a guy, like a brother or buddy. I was the girly one, the one that always wanted to cuddle, the one who wasn't afraid to kiss. Maybe that was it. We were opposites.
Now I was crying. "If you go, I'm going to kill myself."
There was a trace of amusement on his face for him to see that after being kicked around as much as he had been, someone really cared for him and he wondered why.
"When you going to go?"
"As soon as my Dad leaves for work in the morning."
We hung around until his Dad came out and chased me away. I made Kenny promise not to leave before I came over in the morning.
When I got home, my Mother looked concerned. "Jimi, what's the matter?"
I answered abruptly, "Nothing!" and went into my room.
Now I was determined to go with Kenny.
I tried to sleep but got up near dawn and started to organize my stuff. The only money I had was 7 rolls of quarters. I had a blue and black backpack and filled it with stupid things. Most of the things I thought I would need were useless, like magic role playing cards and Pokemon figures. But then, I overlooked important things like a flashlight or a little radio. I did remember a sleeping bag.
It was still dark when I peeked into Kenny's garage. His Dad's car was still there and so was Kenny's bike. I hid my backpack and my little self in the clump of bushes next to the garage and started the long wait till it got light and Kenny's Dad went of to work.
My mind imagined a life living with Kenny. We could build a house made of driftwood down on the beach and team up with other kids just like us. Kenny could be my hero and I would do anything for him. I wanted him to be happy more than anything else in the world and then I would be happy. During the day, we could swim and surf in the ocean and at night we could role play with my magic cards. Then we could crawl naked into bed together. That's the kind of life I want to live.I thought about the grey life I was living. My tired Mom working all the time, lots of bills and no money. Angry teachers and hostile kids at school and nothing, nothing outside but the windblown Montana Badlands.
Suddenly the garage door rolled up. I hid tightly in the bushes until the blue Neon with Kenny's Dad in it, glided out and quickly drove off.I climbed the fence into his back yard and let myself in through the slider. Quietly, I crept into Kenny's room. He was still asleep. I slid under the covers with him.
In this story it is not so important as to what we did together in bed as it is important to say that I was the one that taught Kenny how to do it. I was the one that encouraged him to fuck me. He needed me, only he just didn't know it. Lonely masturbation was all he knew before he met me.
After he came, I started to get emotional. I knew he was getting ready to go. "Kenny, I am going with you,"
He looked serious, "No you're not."
I softly said in response. "I am."
"Jimi, I can't take you, I gotta do this on my own."
He could see that I was determined. "I brought my stuff and some money."
We moved out to the garage for the departure. I showed him that I had my backpack and my sleeping bag. He started ignoring me.
"If you go without me, I'll kill myself."
He went on as if I wasn't there and began tying his belonging onto his bike.I broke down and clung to him and started begging. I didn't care how it looked. I had to do something. The last resort was the thing that all guys are afraid of. The tantrum! I started to scream. I screamed so everyone could hear it. I was desperate. Kenny began to look uneasy. I was putting his whole escape in jeopardy. He looked all around to see if my commotion was attracting attention.
Finally in exasperation he said, "OK! Just shut the fuck up."
My mask of distress melted away into a happy and stupid smile. I knew I was really going when he picked up my backpack and tied it on top of his.No more than a few minutes later, with me perched up behind Kenny on his beat up old Yamaha; we sailed off with the dust, wind and the sky. Never in my life had I felt so much happiness and excitement.
From the middle of Montana, we crossed Idaho following the local roads and staying away from the inter-state. The bike was great because at night we could pull way off the road where we could build a fire and sleep under the stars. Other than each other, we didn't have much, but we didn't need much. The six days we spent on the road together were the happiest in my life. Kenny was happy too.
He smiled at me and said, "Guess what, I just turned eighteen today."
The next day we crossed into Oregon and we both were arrested.
I was sent home and Kenny was kept in jail and then transported back to Montana.
Because we crossed state lines it was a Federal kidnapping offence. Even though my Mom didn't want any charges pressed, they couldn't be dropped and the charges took on a horrible life of its own.
I was stupid, stupid, because when the social worker questioned me about my friendship with Kenny I told her that I loved him.
Why did this happen? We weren't hurting anyone.
We just wanted to be free.