Never Give Up
He put his hands to his head like I had seen him do once before, like he was in pain, and he started shaking.He was silently crying. It shocked me to see this man so ripped apart. In between shakes he kept saying, "I'm sorry." He sat down and stamped both his feet trying to stop the flow. I could see he was in some private agonizing bubble. I took his hands down and held them in one of mine. I put my arm around his shoulder and whispered. "Let it out Dan, there's only us here, we are in the dark, no one can see us, please just let it all go". With that his silent sobs become full on weeping.He leaned his head into mine and sobbed for ages. He was still shaking as I drove him home. We got to my door and he said. "Can I stay the night Cody?"
I said. "You better Dan; I'm not leaving you alone like this."
We didn't shower this time. He was so strung out I just put him into bed and climbed in with him and held him while he wept. Oh Dan what's wrong, please let me in, I said to myself. Sometime during the night I thought I felt light kisses on my neck he had spooned me again and I felt safe.
Dan started to confide in me about six months ago. I had already decided he really liked Cody. He never took his eyes off him. He was upset when he accepted the events job; of course we all would miss him. Dan was struggling with his identity, on the one hand he loved Cody but couldn't understand those feelings, and he had never had them before with either girl or boy, just Cody. I tried to tell him some people are late bloomers, maybe he was gay but it took Cody to bring it out.
He was horrified at the thought; he was dead straight as far as he was concerned. Even though he didn't date that often he liked girls. When Cody was bashed and, I now know raped, he was beside himself, he wanted to kill the guys who did it. He wept most nights at Matt's place and mine; he blamed himself for what happened. Matt had heard him and guessed what was wrong.
He was cool with it and tried to help me convince Dan what he was feeling was pretty normal. "But I'm supposed to get married and have kids, I'm a football star, I can't be gay, I just can't be." This went on for ages he just wouldn't face it, he loved Cody but couldn't see himself with another man.
We just talked to him when he was down; the Susan episode didn't help, Dan hated her for what she did and loathed himself for letting Cody down again. It was a no win situation while Dan was still struggling.
I woke feeling great but I'm sure Dan was still upset. We are going to have a big talk today. He wasn't spooning me but was leaning on his elbow just watching me.
"I said. "Good morning, how long have you been awake?"
He said, "Oh just a couple of minutes."
"What are you looking at?"
"You." he said.
Then he leaned over and gave me a whisper kiss on my forehead. I laughed and said.
"This I want every morning Dan, you do know how to make a guy feel wanted."
I said this not thinking he was serious.
"I'll get the coffee you have a shower."I said.
He nodded and headed for the bathroom; he had a morning woody, it was an awesome sight. I heard the bathroom radio as I put the coffee on. I was still in my underwear but wasn't too concerned. I would shower after Dan did.
There was a knock on the door so I went to answer it.
"Steve!" I said.
He pushed me into the room hard and said.
"You fucking slut you got the cops on to me. They have been at my parents place snooping around you cunt."
He was drugged up and furious. Then he gave me another shove.
I said. "Steve stop it, you hurt me bad the last time, please go, I have money for you."
"I don't want your stinking money and if I did I would just take it."
He bent my arm so hard I thought it was broken.He smashed his fist into my back, by this time I was in the kitchen. I was prepared to pick up the coffee pot and throw it in his face but instead he snapped it up and threw it down on my body. I screamed loud, he pushed me into the bedroom and ripped my underwear off all the while sprouting disgusting insults.
"Now for you reward slut."
I screamed. "Dan help!"
There was no reaction; Steve was so high he didn't notice anything. He threw me on the floor and continued to punch me in the back, and then he mounted me.
I screamed. "Steve don't, you hurt me bad the last time, I'm not healed."
He pushed, I tightened up my bum, he couldn't get in on the first one so he spit on his hand and slicked up.
"Now you slut I'm going to make you pay for all my pain."
I screamed. "Help me for god's sake help me, oh god don't Steve."
Then I let out a scream that rocked the apartment.
I heard a Thwack!! Then I saw Steve flying into the wall.
"Dan Oh Dan he was going to." I trailed off.
Steve was leaning against the wall in shock. I guess he didn't figure on Dan being there. He was high and dazed.
Dan's eyes were vacant; he went to the lounge and put his running shoes on, came back and kicked Steve in the balls so hard I thought he was going to spit them out of his mouth, Steve screamed.
"DON'T! Don't it hurts, don't please."
With that Dan grabbed him by the chin and smiled. He said to Steve with so much hatred in his voice.
"It hurts does it? Well, poor boy, let me tell you something, if you ever so much as look at or lay a finger on Cody again, I will break every bone in your fucking, drugged up body, I won't kill you but you will be in pain for the rest of your sad miserable life."
Then he kicked him again full force and again and again, I had to hold him back. "Dan don't he's not worth it, please Dan don't." I was sobbing.
I managed to call Detective Gow. He got the local police there in two minutes and he arrived in ten.
Dan wrapped a towel around my waist.
He and I were both shaking, him with rage and me with terror, Steve was rolling around holding his crotch; he was sobbing. He didn't look at me. I never looked at him again.
Dan said to him. "They are going to put you away for a long, long time pal; maybe with a bit of luck you will be paired with an old, ugly, fat man and every night he will rape you senseless. I will pray for it to happen every minute of my waking day."
Detective Gow said to get myself to the hospital for treatment and get it documented.
He also said get a copy and come make a statement tomorrow.
"I will take this piece of shit downtown."
He grabbed Steve and cuffed him. He was still sobbing; he couldn't hold his nuts so I guess they were very sore when he walked.
I looked at Dan and broke down.
"Thank you, thank you Dan, thank you."
I shook; he just held me and kissed my head gently, then I collapsed. When I woke I had underwear on and there was a cooling sensation on my right leg where the coffee had burnt me, it wasn't as bad or as hot as I thought it would be. John and Matt were there helping Dan with the task.
I said. "Well I must burn myself more often, three hunks in my bedroom, god I am one lucky boy." They laughed then drove Dan and me to emergency; I kept insisting I was ok. But they weren't listening.
Dan had called them for help, he told them everything, he didn't hear anything until I really screamed, the water and radio was drowning me out. They took photos of the bruises forming on my back and the burns documenting my injuries. They made a report and after they dressed my burns, I was allowed to go home.
We went to Dan's place, he opened beers and we sat at the table on his bigger balcony and watched the world go by, we didn't know what to say to each other; but Dan was first to talk, he said to me.
"I see by the sign you are selling up and maybe moving in closer to the City?"
I thought for a minute then said.
"Dan after today I'm definitely going to sell my apartment and move closer into a more secure place. I'm also going to quit work and find a bar job, maybe in one of the gay bars."
He just looked at me and said with a quiet voice.
"I doubt that very much Squirt; it's not an option, not happening."
I looked him in the eyes but couldn't read his face, Matt and John said I was crazy to do that, they tried their hardest to persuade me to move yes, but move local so I still had a job. I just said.
"You want me to stay around because you will miss me. I have to move on boys, my house is a horror story, my work is full of good memories and that's the way I want to leave it."
John looked at Dan and said. "Dan, its time, please mate this can't go on any longer, its time or you are going to lose him forever and you know that can't happen." He had tears in his eyes.
Dan mumbled. "How much?"
I said. "What Dan?"
He repeated. "How much?"
I said. "What are you talking about Dan?"
He said. "How much are you asking for your apartment?"
I just looked at him puzzled but I answered.
"Well I had it valued at seven fifty, but at the moment I would sell it for seven just to get out of it, I just can't live there anymore. It used to be my happy place but now I dread it every time I open that fucking front door."
He walked inside and was gone for at least ten minutes, in the meantime John, Matty and I talked about my plans for the future. They understood I needed a change, there are no more threats to me since the police had Steve and Carl in custody, but I needed to grow, I had been stifled and choked for too long now.
I did ask John what he meant by telling Dan its time. But he just said.
"Wait Squirt if it doesn't happen shortly I will tell you."
Dan returned he looked very confident and business like as he sat at the table he handed me a cheque for seventy five thousand dollars.
I said. "What the fuck Dan?"
He looked at me with his gorgeous grey eyes never taking them off me; he stared into my very soul and steadily said.
"I am buying your apartment at your valuation price seven fifty, I can more than afford it and this is the deposit, I have instructed my solicitor to handle the sale for both of us. My terms are this, it's only a done deal if you settle within the month and if you leave everything in the apartment; you only take mementoes, clothes and personal stuff."
"But Dan what?"
I was cut off by a gentle but firm. "Shut up Codes or I will never get this out, now" He restarted. "You just take personal stuff, also I insist and this is an absolute no discussion, no argument must. Instead of moving to the city you are going to move in here with me."
At this point John and Matty both let out a big sigh and went inside to get fresh drinks; John winked at me.
I said. "I can't Dan."
He said. "I thought I told you to Shut Up Codes."
My mouth snapped shut and listened to his voice when he repeated his terms again and finished with.
I said."Dan, okay I will move in here with you temporarily. but I still need to find a place to live."
He said."There are a couple of reasons I want to buy your apartment Squirt. My mum's not well and even though I have three spare bedrooms here I want your furnished flat for my parents to use when mum's here for treatment, it gives her and dad some privacy.
"It will also give my brothers their space and privacy when they come to visit. The furniture is still yours but I want the use of it. My younger brother Luke will be starting University soon so he can live in it.
"Now you are going to move in here with me and it's going to be a permanent thing. If you like I will have the windows boarded up but you are coming to live here."
He then leant over close to my face and said. "Deal?"
What could I say, I started to protest. He then showed me his killer smile leaned in and kissed me full on the lips, it was the sweetest kiss I have ever had, it went for ages, it was a series of light kisses combined with his tongue licking my lips, he held my shoulders and rubbed his hands down my arms.
"Okay" I said in a dream like state. "Deal"
When he released me he said. "I would like you to move in here tonight and I want you to sleep in my bed with me."
I just stared at him in awe; I heard myself say. "Okay Dan, I move in here tonight and sleep in your bed with you."
I was like a zombie; what the fuck is going on here, I was thinking.
Just then Matty and John came out and Matty was crying.
He said."I thought it would never happen."
I looked at him and whispered holding my fingers to my lips.
"He kissed me, Dan kissed me."
"We know Squirt we were watching."
Then he turned to John and kissed him full on the lips.
He said. "I love you John." then John said."Love you more."
Wow this was a day of surprises. Dan just smiled and leaned into me again and gave me the most fulfilling kiss, his tongue and hands were everywhere I just held on to his big arms and prayed this wasn't a dream, I started weeping as all my emotions drained.
Dan looked me in the eyes and said. "Now you know what my problem was Squirt, my problem was you, I'm in love with you, only you."