Never Give Up
Again I woke from my slumber; I thought hospital, I'm still in hospital, fuck what's happening? I still hurt all over. I found the buzzer and buzzed the nurse, fuck have I been dreaming all along , I panicked , no don't tell me I dreamt about Dan and me, please don't tell me that, I started weeping. I looked at my hands and I only saw scars.
The nurse came in, not Connie, she said."I've called the doctor he will be here shortly, are you in any pain?" I said."Yes all over there's pain." She put a tube in my mouth and said."Breathe this in slowly and it will help." It was a morphine stick. The pain dulled and I calmed.
I looked at her and said."What date is it?" She replied "The sixteenth of February Cody, Why?" I relaxed and said. "I was here in January, I woke up and thought I was still in here and my life was a dream." She didn't quite understand me but said. "it's ok honey, we have your past records, we know all that."
The doctor came in and said."Hello Cody, not nice to see you in here again."I said."Hi, Dr Wilson, "Why the hell am I here?"
"Cody your leg has a major infection and from what Dan Lawrence has told me you were found hallucinating and having fits, you were in a lot of pain, the poison has gone through your body. We have started very large doses of antibiotic. We hope you will be on the mend in a few days; once we can control it and get your fever down, at the moment it's far too early to tell.
"But Cody, I gotta tell you the worst case is we will have to take your leg, this infection is aggressive and hard to control, I think you have a good chance because you're young and healthy but as I said it's too early."
"Doctor what did you mean take my leg, did you mean cut it off?"
He said. "Yes Cody but that's a long way off but it's also worst case. Now there's a young man in the waiting room wanting to see you."
Dan walked in a few minutes later; the nurse had gone so he kissed me on the lips, sat down and held my hand. He looked bloody awful.
"Cody." He started. "I'm glad to see you awake you frightened me half to death and poor John's not much better either. Why were you in your old apartment? Why didn't you come home?"
I said."I'm sorry Dan, I didn't know what was happening all I can think about was I got upset at the accident, he was a nice young man; I panicked but I do remember I didn't want to take my bad stuff to our happy place. I think that's why I ended up in my apartment.
"I also remember you saving me, I'm not certain what happened, I remember having some awful dreams but I knew you were there, you saved me again." I started weeping.
Dan said. "When we found you your temperature was off the scale. I held you in a cold shower til the ambos came. I was so worried and frightened for you Codes .You kept saying goodbye to me like you were never going to see me again. I don't know what I would do if I lost you, I think I would go insane." He wept also. "I'm okay now Dan don't think about it."
"I'm sorry babe", he said, "It all just scared the shit out of me."
"They might take my leg off Dan, the doctor said they might have to cut if off." Dan just stared at me he blinked and said "They're not going to do that Codes, they are going to make it better."
"But Dan what if they do, you would be so disappointed with me and you couldn't touch me again; it would make my body even uglier."
"Nonsense" he said. "I couldn't love you more than I do at the moment; nothing and I mean nothing is going to change my mind. And you're not ugly Cody, you're beautiful with or without legs, I will always love you."
Dan stayed by my side all afternoon then he had to go to training. He arrived back at eight with John and Matt, John just said. "Can I breathe now?" We cracked up at his joke but it was nice to see Dan smile.
I've done so much to him lately I don't know how he stands me.
I said. "Thank you John, thank you for supporting Dan and me, you're a true friend ."
They left about an hour later; they were tired and needed sleep. During the night I had a seizure; it was horrible. I vomited and shit myself all over the place but the quick thinking nurse was holding me down. When it finished she calmly got me out of bed and into the shower. Then she changed my bed; she didn't even blink and said she had called the doctor and he wouldn't be long.
I had another series of blood tests and a MRI done; it was scary being put into the tunnel, not being able to move. Dan was there with me, I could hear him talking soothingly to me. They had called him to come in while it was being done.
The results were inconclusive as to why it happened, Doctor Wilson explained some things to us but he had to put it down to the poison or stress I was under. I did feel the whole world was crashing down on me. He also had some good news. My infection was looking better, I said "So you won't chop my leg off now?."
He said. "No Cody, I said that was the worst case scenario, it looks like the drip is doing its job and you just might be able to go home in the next week, maybe." Dan smiled at me and said. "I told you squirt, nothing's going to happen."
He went and got coffee and when he returned he said he had something to talk about with me. I was so worried he might want me to go back to my apartment, I was so damaged. He came back smiling at me and said. "Now Cody you know the season starts in eight weeks time." It was a statement not a question, I knew that already.
He said."If you come home within the next week it would be good but" I thought here it comes. I interrupted, "You don't want me there anymore do you Dan? You want me to go to mum's, please let me come home, I won't be any trouble."
"NO! For god's sake Cody stop that, I can't stand that negative attitude, stop interrupting me. What I'm about to say is I have to go away for three weeks to the training camp in the hinterland at Surfers Paradise."
I said. "Sorry Dan, it's just I still can't believe you love me that's all and all the shit pills I have to take make me feel insecure all the time, I'm so sorry."
He smiled at me another killer one just for me.
"Cody now let me explain. Training camp starts the end of next week the whole team has to go." I knew this and dreaded the separation. They weren't allowed contact with the outside world; it's grueling and hard on the boys.
"Okay, now I'll be away for the next three weeks, I've asked my younger brothers, they are twins and trouble on legs, to come stay in your apartment for those three weeks, I've had two single beds put into the second bedroom and a new queen in your old bedroom, I've thrown out the other bed."
"The boys can have a bedroom each. You are gonna love them Squirt, they are going to keep their eyes on you for me. I trust them with my life. So I'm trusting them with the most precious person in my life, you. They don't know about us, I just said you were a great friend of mine and you had a bit of bad luck. They jumped at the chance to get away from the farm, dad's okay with it .They will look after you and all you have to do is get well, maybe cook a few home cooked meals for them; mum doesn't want them to live on takeaway all the time."
"This weekend the apartment will change hands so your money will come through Monday.If you want, I will set up an appointment with my accountant, he's brilliant with finances, and I've already told him you may ring and if you want I can go with you next week. The boys will be here next Saturday, I leave Sunday. Mike and Luke can look after themselves but I would prefer you to look out for them also.
Could you take them to the club and the Boys bar just to show them around? They don't play footy but they are interested in my career. I've organised a photo shoot for them Tuesday week with a guy I know in town. I want some good shots for mum and dad; they are about your size, If you would, but you don't have to, pick a couple of outfits out from your stash for them to wear."
I said."That's a lot to take in Dan, can you write it down for me; how old are your brothers?"
He said. "Theyare eighteen so at drinking age but I don't want them overdoing it. Mum will have my guts for guitar strings. Now with them keeping an eye out for you, you are also keeping an eye on them; if you do mind I will cancel their holiday."
"No that's okay Dan, I would love the company, I love cooking for a crowd and I am looking forward to getting to know them."
"Squirt," he put on a stern face, "They are out of bounds as far as perving, walking around nude in front of them and getting them into bed. I know twins are a gay fantasy oh and straight, but these twins are off limits."
He smiled at me and said. "You already have more cock than you can handle and that's mine." He blushed then laughed; with that he kissed me deeply and played with my balls under the sheet. He had a woody so I put my hand down his shorts and played with him, we weren't disturbed, we both tossed each other off; it was awesome and very naughty.
Mrs. Lynch came in the next day. I was walking around the room going stir crazy, my leg wasbeginning to look better. We talked for two hours and she helped me enormously. I felt terrific when she left. The next day the Doc said I could go home, he didn't expect any more trouble, my leg felt good as new. It seemed smaller than the other one but he said next week I could start using a leg lift to strengthen it.
All was good again, Dan picked me up. I had decided after Mrs. Lynch's visit to be more positive and happy so I told Dan some of the dirty jokes the cleaner had told me, we laughed all the way home.
I cooked a Lamb roast; I had been hanging out for one with extra vegetables. Dan loved it, there wasn't much left and by the morning of the next day it was all gone.
I said."What, you don't like chewing on bones?" He laughed; it was good to see him happy. I am going to devote my life to making him happy, I so loved him.
After dinner we had a long shower, he kissed me all over and said."Not here Squirt, wait." We dried; he put my scents on me and made sure I took my antibiotics. When we finally got into bed I was so horny and so was Dan by the look of him.
I licked him all over I turned him on his stomach and licked and kissed his muscular back. He had his hands under his chin which made his hard muscles stick out even more, he was so gorgeous. I licked his ass cheeks, this time he didn't flinch so I thought I would go one further. I spread his cheeks and began to rim him, he went ballistic. He was wriggling all over the bed, he was raising his hips to try and cram more of me up him, moaning and groaning like he was being eaten alive, and he was.
I spent some time on his love chute and he kept saying "Cody, Cody, that's awesome keep going." I think I found his G spot. I flipped him over and he in turn flipped me on my back then he started to do to me the exact thing I had just done for him. My nipples were aching when he finished with them. I didn't get a rim job, but hey, who cares I was making love with the hunkiest man in town.
He said "look out Cody here I come."
He dove at my balls and sucked them separately, then he tried to put them in his mouth together but couldn't. He licked my pole from the base to the tip, I cried out "Dan you don't have to."
He looked up and said. "Yes I do Codes and I want to." I was in heaven when he went down on me; it felt like a wet velvet glove had engorged my dick. I said writhing." Dan I'm gonna cum you have to stop." He kept going I was cumming.He coughed once then enclosed my dick with his hand and jacked me into one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had, I came buckets.
I was puffing like I had been for a long run, it was so intense I didn't have an afterglow, I was wide awake. I looked at him and said "Let me at it Dan, I want your taste in my gob." He just laughed, "Already sorted Squirt."
He added he had never cum without using his hands or something but he said he just started to cum sucking me why hadn't he discovered me earlier, he loved the experience. And he loved me.
I said. "For your first time that was very professional."
He said John taught him how to do it. I raised my eyebrows and said."Huh?"
"John taught me" he said.
"The night of the twenty first when I went there for pizza, both he and Matt showed me how to do it."
"They showed you Dan, what the fuck how?" He laughed. "It's ok Squirt they kept their pants on, he was virtually giggling.
I said, "Share Dan, share."
He laughed and said. "Firstly I didn't think what I did would be so awesome I got a little of your sprog in my mouth, I kinda like your taste Squirt, I'll have to work on that."
I was getting hard again."Anyway it started that night, I went there and asked them how to suck cock, they explained it to me to watch my teeth and gave me a banana it was a small one Squirt, I was offended for you so I put it back in the bowl and took the really big one. You should have seen their faces as I practiced and they gave me pointers, they also gave me an address for an internet site that discussed it. And so did you like it?"
"Dan it was the best, it's been years since I've received a blow job." He gave me a funny look. I continued "It was just mind blowing, I love you so much, thank you." We kissed for awhile then turned out the lights, he spooned me and said."Welcome home Squirt."
I was woken during the night feeling good and happy but something was wrong, my cock was feeling great, Dan was sucking my cock like there was no tomorrow.
I whispered "Dan I'm cumming." He kept going and swallowed my load he was gagging but he got most of it down. I was just in shock. He got up went to the toilet and brushed his teeth.
When he came back he cuddled me to him and said.
"Now I have your scent inside me too."
He sniffed my neck and said."Go to sleep."
I couldn't help it so I said "Dan do you want to talk about it?"
He said. "Nuthin to talk about Squirt, now go back to sleep."
I could hear him smile; I just laid there in awe. In the morning I did him, I lifted his legs and rimmed his butt, his balls and sucked him dry. We laid there for ages til the morning piss crept up. We both headed to the toilet and pashed as we both took a piss.
That day he gave me a cheque and I signed my apartment over to him. I was glad to offload it. It held nothing but unhappy memories for me, the next day I went into the club and did some light exercises. Dan came with me, then we went to see his accountant and he set up a trust for me and gave me a printout of the plan he had for my investments. I could change it and Dan helped to explain it to me.
I phoned him later that day and told him to go ahead. I rang my mum; she had gone on a cruise for three weeks so she wasn't aware of my hospital stint so I didn't tell her. I bought her up to date on the apartment changing hands and the investment plan. She said. "Cody what is the number for your accountant?" I gave it to her and she said she wanted to make sure he was honourable.
I told her about Dan and me and the clothes con, she laughed and was over the moon. She told me about her holiday, we had to hang up, we had been talking for an hour and Dan was waving his dick at me looking lost and forlorn.
After we sixty-nined each other for the best part of two hours, me giving him more pointers, Dan sat me down on the balcony. He gave me a large wine in one of my amazing wine glasses he had chosen for me which I had thanked him for with a genuine heart, he had got himself a beer. I noticed he had put his footy shorts on commando and they were ball and cock city. His treasure trail was just so lickable.
He said."Come sit here Squirt." He patted his legs he turned me around and my back was to his front, as we looked out at the beautiful sky he nibbled on my neck and ears. I was just so relaxed and happy. "Squirt I want to talk about the accident." I tensed but immediately relaxed. I hadn't thought about it much, I was too worried about my leg. Dan hugged me to him still, giving me small whisper kisses. He started
"You know Squirt people die all the time, you hear about it on the TV or radio, or you read about horrific accidents involving kids, mothers, fathers, grandparents, but we don't really connect with them as people, we feel sorry for their families and wonder what their lives would have been if they were still alive, but we really don't know them, so the connection isn't real. Are you following me Codes?" I thought about it and said. "Yes Dan I get it."
"Ok now the hard part. You worked at the club where this beautiful boy had his birthday, you shook his hand you knew his name, you saw the accident that took his young life. You were, in part, involved in his life, only for a moment, but you were involved. You would feel a little closer to him than the people that saw it on the news or read about it in the newspapers. You were involved with him. Are you okay Cody?" I nodded yes, I was following him perfectly, how this boy got so smart is just astounding.
"I want to tell you about the accident and there is something in the story that might make you panic and feel bad again so I'm saying I'm here holding you, loving you, protecting you Okay?"
"Okay Dan I'm all right, just never let me go." I replied.
"Ok here goes." He took a deep breath. "When Shaun got in the car he maybe was distracted or didn't think but he didn't put his seat belt on. A drunk driver slammed into the back of his dad's car, it catapulted him through the front window he died instantly." He kissed my neck again there was nothing sexual in it, it just felt so right. "Now Squirt this is the harder part, the drunk driver was a woman called Susan Phillips."
He was quiet for awhile, and held me till I realised who he was talking about. I tensed up again, he held me closer if that was possible. "She was incapable of standing after the accident she was so drunk, she was arrested and charged with all sorts of offences including manslaughter." I relaxed a little and after a long pause said in a low voice. "I hope she gets life that fucking bitch."
He released me and turned me around I straddled him and he started kissing my tears, I didn't sob or scream, I just shed some tears for Shaun and his parents knowing I fleetingly knew a handsome happy young man for a minute. I was okay.
Dan was the first to move, he took my head in his hands and kissed my eyes, nose, mouth and sucked on my chin."You okay babe?"
I said. "Thank you Dan, you are an amazing human being and I love you so much."
We had another drink, hit the shower and dressed for dinner; he was taking me out for the night. We decided on a small Italian restaurant in the next suburb; he had been there several times with some of the guys. We walked in both looking like catalogue models; Franco showed us a booth and said, "This okay Mr Lawrence?"
"It is just fine thank you Franco." The booth was out of the way of prying eyes in a corner up the back away from the windows.
"Can I order for us Squirt?"
I said, "Fine with me Dan."
We had a great Italian meal; Dan knew his way around a menu. The wine was perfect; we held hands under the table he said to me.
"Are you really okay Cody?"
I said."I am Dan, I really am thanks to you, I love you so bad it hurts me sometimes just thinking about it. "
"Well Squirt I feel the same way, every minute away from you is agony."
I then got another one of his Top Model smiles. He paid the bill, we pashed in the car and he drove us home.
That night we just cuddled and kissed, we were hard but just rubbing our goods together made us feel like we were one. I drifted off to sleep, no more nightmares, no more screams. I did blow Dan about four in the morning, I couldn't help myself.
Over the next week I went back to work. We collected everything Dan needed for camp, we shopped and filled the freezer with meat and assorted other foods. We moved all my clothes and personal stuff to another bedroom for appearance sake. Dan was not happy.
I said. "Dan, now you know how other gay people, who are hiding their relationships away, feel."
He just hugged me and said."I understand why but it's still not right."
We cried that night about our impending separation, John and Matty are lucky, they get to see each other; they even get to share a room. But Dan was positive the time will fly by and in no time he would be home. Mum came for a two day stay, she just loved his apartment, we talked non-stop. She was very taken with Dan, he charmed her something shocking, saying the right things at the right time, opening doors for her and pouring her a beer in a glass, and mum was a bit of a fan when she left. Dan got one of his celebrity photos out and signed it; he put it into a lovely frame for her. She was a happy camper when she drove out of our car park.
"Which reminds me Squirt when the boys go for their photo shoot, I need you to take some extra clothes, you are also booked in for glamour shots too, I need some of you to put on the walls and to give your mum a couple."
"Oh?" I said.
"Well I would like some photos of you, when I get back we can have some done together also."
"Got it all planned out have you Dan?"
"Yep I have actually." He said.
I went and saw Mrs. Lynch, and now the more and more I saw her, the better I felt, we were making progress.
A few days before Dan was dueto leave I answered the door and was confronted with two blonde curly haired boys, Mike and Luke.
"Hey I'm Mike that's Luke, you must be Squirt."
"Hi guys, great to meet you both."
I shook hands and I bid them come in, they weren't identical so it was easy to tell them apart every inch of them was Dan down to the smouldering looks, although Luke was smaller and slimmer, but these were happy guys, they didn't stop from the time they arrived.
I said, "Who?"
Mike said. "Is Bubby here, I mean Dan, our brother?"
"Oh yes he's just getting out of the shower; want some coffee?"
"That would be great."
"Okay I'll put it on then go call him."
"No its okay we can do it."
They raced off to our bathroom, I heard a lot of laughing and slapping, eventually the three came out, and Dan had a huge grin on his face.
"Remind me Squirt to lock the bathroom door when these guys are around."
I looked at him and said.
"Okay Bubby I will."
"Mike, you prick." He yelled.
I found out it was Dan's mother's pet name for him, I think it's cute.
We went back to the Italian restaurant that night and the three of them talked, joked and ate non-stop, like I've never seen before. It was good to see Dan in high spirits. They talked about his mum and her treatment. They said Luke was going to Uni soon and Mike is going to work the farm, he loved it there he said he wasn't a city person. Luke was excitedto be going to live in the city, it was as if he was breaking away for the first time and he certainly was the first of the Lawrence family to enter university.
We had a great night; Dan showed them the apartment, they were happy to have it to themselves. We had stocked their pantry and fridge with snacks and drinks. I said my goodnights in the lift.
"Breakfast is at eight, Dan has to leave at nine thirty so we have to drive him down to the club then."
They said."Goodnight and see you in the morning."
After an hour Dan came up he gave me a big hug and we just held onto each other for ages.
He said."Let's go to bed."
"Okay," I agreed.
We laid in bed not wanting this night to end but too tired to do much, I managed to get a few nipple kisses in.
I said."Dan do you know what's wrong with your mum?"
"Yes Codes, I'm sorry with all the shit you're dealing with, I forgot to tell you she had breast cancer, they removed it a few months ago, she wasn't going to have chemo but we all talked her into it. So she's booked in to start next month."
"I'm sorry Dan it must have been awful for you all."
"There wasn't anything anyone could do about it Cody, shit happens to the best of people, you should understand. You're one of the most loving people I know, but you got shit on by some prick who couldn't even come within a bee's dick of who you are."
He went silent.
"What are you thinking about Dan?"
"Aww nuthin much, just that I'm gonna so miss you, I'm going to smuggle my phone in and try to ring you but if you don't hear from me you will know the coach has taken it off me."
In the morning I had breakfast waiting for the boys. Dan and I did have a very passionate early morning then had our last shower together for the next three weeks; so much happening,the end of next month. Football season opens, his mum comes to town for her chemo soon and Luke starts university. They ate their breakfast; Dan and I were noticeably quiet, when Luke said something. I just said I wasn't looking forward to work this week, they bought it. Before we left the apartment Dan told the boys to take his gear down to the car he wanted to give me last minute instructions. They left and he swept me in his arms and gave me a wonderful farewell kiss.