Never Give Up
I woke feeling like shit as usual, I had made an absolute fool of myself at Mike's party and I have to deal out a round of apologies, when is this fucking nightmare going to stop? I don't think I can take it anymore. I am going to Dan and Cody's for lunch with Debs and Mike and I wasn't looking forward to it, I had made an ass of myself and had to apologise for Debby's sake and my sanity.
Then it started again. Over and over in my head all I could hear was. "Please don't leave me here alone I love you Joe, please don't do this to yourself and me I beg you," my tears were real my pleas came straight from the heart. "You know I can't stay Trent my family doesn’t understand," he was crying. "They will disown me and I can't let that happen, I do love you but please I have to try, I have to do this, please find a way to forgive me." I took his face in my hands and kissed him for the last time not a full on one just enough to taste him. I was full weeping as he closed the door behind himself, I heard his car start and drive up the road.
My mum had heard the conversation from the kitchen and came in to hold me, she rubbed my back and kissed my cheek until I finally said, "Why mum why?" I fell on my knees and screamed, "Why, why, why?" and rolled into a ball sobbing.
It frightened my mum and when Debs came from the back room, she held me to her and tried to soothe me, dad took my arms and picked me up, he carried me to the sofa. I just felt like shit, his parents want him to get married and have children.They know he's gay but don't accept it, five years down the drain for me I didn't know what to do I just hurt so much.
Mum got me a wine which calmed me down a bit but after the third one I had to go to the toilet so I said my goodnights to Dad and Debby, hugged mum and they went off. I laid in my bed weeping most of the night, I hurt like hell but about one am Debs came in and got into bed with me, I finally got off to sleep listening to her soft humming.
That was two years ago, we had met at high school and by the end of ourfirst year we had become lovers, it was hard because his parents were very strict church goers, their lives were surrounded by religion and it's teachings. We got more freedom when we went to university; we roomed together for two years and became closer. Then he was hit by his parents who were arranging a marriage, he told them he was gay but they didn'taccept it, there was no discussion at all, the date was set and he would be at the church. He never dared to disobey his parents so he broke my heart instead. He called it honouring his mother and father; I called him weak and pathetic. We fought for the next three months ‘til finally it came to ahead at my place, he had the nerve to ask me to be best man at his wedding, I was livid and told him it would be the worst mistake he would ever make in his life.
I related some of this story to Cody and Dan; I had broken down during my genuine apology over my appalling behaviour at Mike's birthday. "I don't know what's wrong with me, I always feel empty and alone. I can't seem to move on and yes you are right Dan, I have had quite a few one night stands but I've always played safe, I guess I just want someone to fuck Joe out of me but he never leaves, he's always there," I sobbed on their front porch like a love sick school girl. They hugged me and accepted my apology and asked if I could stay the night,they said they had some guys living there who had a lot in common with me,I nodded okay. Codes said, "Mike can pick you up tomorrow or you can holiday here for awhile, maybe now we know the problem we may between the six of us come up with a solution." "I would like that. I would give my left ball to have what you guys have. I dream of Joe and I living like you all the time and I am so sorry what a welcome to the family I gave you all Debs I..." I started to say. Debs cut me off and said, "I love you Trent, you couldn't do anything to me that would hurt me, I am also so lucky Mike and his family are so forgiving but I don't know how to make you happy again for the life of me. I know all my hugs and kisses don't take your inner pain away, it hurts all of us to see you like this."
He was just another lost soul beaten down by a lover that put his own interests first, he's nearly destroyed Trent's life but I understand some of what he was thinking. Jamie's brother Gino is a poster boy for rotten church beliefs and one eyed Christian views. I guess Dan can't weave his magic this time but he can help restore Trent's confidence and self worth. I'm not going to worry about him hitting on Dan again, I don't think he will but poor Danny Lawrence will have kittens if he does. A knock on the door and a, "We are here at last, sorry we are late." Matt and John came in, kissed us and handed us a gift. "We said no presents remember? but thank you." Dan said as he got them a beer. "Open it later boys on your own, their edible," said Matty as he winked. "Okay family, lunch is ready," I yelled from the porch as Dan rang the bell a couple of times to get Jamie and Luke up here.
I had laid out a cold buffet, it was a hot day and perfect for what we hadplanned. The boys came up and the 'kids' came in the beach way. I saw Bobby showing Trent the painting; he was looking at it in amazement.
Lunch was a very loud and touchy affair with Debs, Mike, Jamie and poor Luke trading barbs, I think Jamie was winning, he's really come out of his shy self, I think meeting this family you sort of have to or get left behind. "Okay, enough Mike and Luke," Jamie shouted. "Enough, come on Dan let's go explore the dunes." "Don't draw me into your family fights James; I won't go with you without Codes." "Okay I'll do him too," he replied. "Ow! Can I?" I said. "Stay here Codes, you and I are going to the farm," Luke said. "Can we come?" said Bobby and Rory. Poor Trent didn't know where to look. I leant over to Bobby, he grinned and took off around the side of the house pulling Rory after him. I went inside and motioned Dan to come with me, we opened the champagne. He took the bottles and I took the glasses. "What's the occasion Squirt?" Mike asked. I smiled at him and wiggled my eyebrows, just then the kids came in the back door carrying the cake, it was enormous. "Happy anniversary Dan and Cody." Jaws dropped and hugs were exchanged. "Why didn't you tell us Cody? We would have done something," Luke said. "You already have Luke you're here," I kissed his cheek.
The cake was a triumph Bobby had painted our pictures on to it, Dan in his football gear and me in my hipsters. It was just beautiful I didn't want to cut it, in the end, but took lots of photos.I left the middle for Dan's mum and dad.
Dan got up to make a speech he thanked everybody for coming and the boys for the cake. He looked at me and said, "Codes it's now been a year and I'm afraid you've just about worn me out but I thank you." I smacked his arm and said, "Get on with it Dan nobody wants to hear that shit."
He giggled, "Cody I love you more and more with every breath I take, with every twitch of my body, with every blink of my eyes, we got together after a very sad time and I am on a mission to make sure you’re every waking second is happy and beautiful forever." I cried and kissed him, giving him my gentlest lip lock I could find. "Dan, you saved my life three times, you know you own me forever, I was so lost then you found me, you gave me hope, love and security and I will forever be tied to you my love for you will never ever be broken."
He swept me up and said, "Let's go to bed Codes, enjoy our party boys we have some serious making out to do." John said, "It wouldn't have anything to do with that tent you have in your shorts Dan would it?" Dan blushed and quickly sat down. I noticed Trent was trying unsuccessfully to wipe his eyes.
He got up and nonchalantly walked down the stairs onto the beach, I watched as he sat on a banana lounge and looked out to sea, he was still wiping his eyes on his shirt sleeves. Everyone at the table was watching him.
I said to the kids, "Rory and Bobby can you take this bottle of wine and these napkins down to Trent for me and maybe sit and give him some hugs?" They looked at me and I said, "Please he needs you both." Debs looked at me and said, "What are you up to?" "Oh nuthin much Debs, but if I'm guessing right Trent needs Rory and Bobby more than he knows at the moment."
I watched as the kids hugged Trent and poured him a wine, Bobby was wiping his eyes and Rory was fussing with his hair, they sat there for a longtime. Only getting up to go and have a pee in the bushes.
The boys helped me clean up and Deb and Mike left with me assuring them he would be well looked after. The next thing we heard was the buggy tearing up the beach with Trent standing up shouting into the wind. Dan and I sat with John and Matt; we talked about that day on the balcony when Dan told me he loved me. "The look on your face Squirt was priceless,I don't know which one of us was more shocked that Dan had finally done it."
He looked at Dan but spoke to me, "I meant what I said that day Squirt, if Dan hadn't made his move I would have told you about his problem; sorry Dan but it went on too long," Dan smiled and kinda blushed. "I'm so sorry Codes, I should have done it six months before, I loved you then but didn't really know it for sure at the time." "It's okay Dan we got there eventually," I leaned in and kissed him.
"Well we must away, gotta meeting in the morning I guess it's that time ofyear again in a couple of weeks, I'm sorry Cody we really feel for you." "It's okay boys, I have my family with me and plenty of work to do." I took Luke's hand and kissed it.
Dan stared at me, then laughed and said, "Codes can you sew a small pocket into my jock so I can hide my phone?" "Sure Dan I can do that, it will make your bulge bigger for de ladies." We giggled and hugged while Luke and Jamie pashed on, then said they would see us in the morning. We waited for the kids to return, Trent was so excited he had never done anything like that before. He was going next door to watch a DVD then hit the sack.
He kissed us both and said, "Don't worry I never hit on family now a days, they are safe with me," he smiled. We hugged again and I said I would leave the porch light on for him. Dan and I showered, he dried me and did my underarm and a little scent, he continually breathed me in, I did the same to him.
Our anniversary presents were very simple, Dan gave me a very sexy jock and I gave him a sexier see through one, our hands and mouths were everywhere for the next two hours. Poor Dan, three times he came, the last one hardly anything came out, his balls were aching, he couldn't move. "Codes?" "Yes Dan." "Please don't do that again." "Do what Dan?" "Please don't look so sexy when we go to bed." "Okay Dan, I won't anymore." "Codes I really am worn out, I'll never make it through the training camp if this keeps up." "It's okay Dan," I said, "I will buy Pooh Bear pyjamas tomorrow." "Goodnight Dan." "Goodnight Codes." "Codes, hey Codes are you still awake?" "Yes Dan I've only just closed my eyes." "Codes can we just do it once and maybe you can look sexy for like twenty minutes?" "Okay Dan, twenty minutes got it goodnight." "Codes?" he giggled. "What Dan?" "You won't believe this but just thinking about you in Pooh Bear pyjamas has got me horny again," he started laughing. I turned him on his side (no easy feat I'm telling you) and said, "One more word Dan, just one more word and you’re in the spare room." He giggled uncontrollably. I wasn't laughing but I was filled with love.
Dan and Jamie had to rush off for the team meeting, it would last all day so I said I would meet him at the club, It had been ages since I had seen my boys. Trent arrived up the porch stairs with the kids, he had stayed the night he went for a shower and I talked to Rory and Bobby over coffee and a mountain of toast. "We just cuddled him all night Codes, he's hurting really bad but nothing went on, just holding him I think was a good thing, he slept like a baby and it reminded me of two great friends in Spain that helped me," he leant over and kissed Bobby.
"Thank you boys, it's what I would expect from you, he needs to put some fun back into his life and I'm sorry but I think you two are the best people to do that for him," I said. "And maybe one of your great styles before I take him to the shop heyRory?" "I'll get my scissors." he said and jumped up and ran to get his hairdressing gear.Trent came back. "Sit here Trent, your about to get a makeover."
"What? Not too much off Rory please, I like my longer hair." "Shut up Trent and hold still the master not the client will decide what looks good on you, your about to arrive in the twenty- first century." Trent went crazy, he loved it. "I thought it was impossible to wear the newstyles but this really suits me thank you Rory you're amazing." He kissed Rory on the cheek and Bobby kissed the other one and said, "Don't we know it." Trent ran off to the bathroom to look in the mirror. "We don't necessarily have to find a lover for him, just try and make his life a little brighter. Being here with us is a plus I think, I'm guessing he doesn't have any friends to speak of." I continued.
"Your right as usual Codes, he's on his own, maybe we can take him to the farm for a weekend," Bobby said. "Oh my god, poor mum and dad," I laughed.
Just then Luke arrived smiling from ear to ear, he put a small parcel on the table and said, "Happy anniversary Codes." I protested but thanked him I opened it; a bloody nurse’s outfit. "Fuck me I'll have to hide this from Dan he's going through his 'Squirt your too sexy in bed' crisis, if he sees this he will die from exhaustion," I laughed. Bobby went bright eyed and fingered it I looked at Luke and he winked. "Bobby can I hide it in your van so Dan doesn't find it?" "Sure you can Codes, I'll put it away somewhere safe," he snatched the parcel off the table. "I bet you will Bobby," Rory said blushing and giggling.
Trent came to join us; he looked a lot better and refreshed. "Sleep well Trent?" Luke asked. "The best sleep I've had in years Luke, thank you Codes and you boys so much." "Our pleasure, I'm going to go into town today and meet Dan at the club.Do you want to come and have a beer with the team?" His eyes opened wide and he said, "Sure would Cody." "Okay we will have lunch, Rory and Bobby are working so we can get some sandwiches while Adam finishes your new look. And by that time the meeting should be over. What about you Luke, are you meeting Jamie?"
"Can't Codes, I have uni today," he replied. "Okay you kids are on egg duty, I'll have mine sunny side up thanks." The boys got started in the kitchen, Trent helped and when they stopped laughing and horsing around they got it sorted." Luke and I had a good talk about Trent, he was worried that he might hit on Jamie; I assured him all should be good from now on, I had the kids on to it. He laughed and said, "Codes I think Jamie would freak if he did." I looked at him and said, "Luke both Jamie and Dan would be running up the beach screaming."
The kids went to work and when the dishes were finished Trent and I went to do some grocery shopping, he tried to pay for it but I wouldn't let him. "What kind of work do you do Trent?" I asked as we put things away.
"Codes, I build websites; I guess you could call me a computer nerd, but its good money, and I can do It from anywhere. I only take on what I feel like doing, but since I've been back, business hasn't been so good. It's my fault though, as I didn't answer any inquiries for a long time but I can build it up again and I really have to do it soon, Joe and I used to do it together; it was like losing an arm when he left he was really good with arty stuff." "Well you've seen Bobby's artwork he's practically a walking paint shop why don't you get him to help you with your next project, I'm sure he could come up with some great ideas and logos and such. He starts school next week so I'm sure he could do with some extra cash; and I want him to not be in the shop so much; and to concentrate more on his art, this way it would help him and you," I replied. "When you are feeling a bit more in charge of your life you can get started on our on line shop," I suggested.
"Codes, just being here, have given me a new lease on life. For so long I’ve been on my own in my depressing room which brings back so many good and awful moments, I don't have any friends but I am hoping that will change soon." I hugged him and said, "What do you need to get started, there's a computer printer and copier in the office do you need anything else?" I asked. "No Codes I can hack into my computer at home and download the programmes I use, is that okay with you I don't want to get in the way?" "While your here you can work on Rory's and my shopping online store then Iwill talk to mum about the foundation one," I said. "Oh Cody that's awesome, thank you," he beamed. "Okay let's get to the shop and you can start from there, maybe get some new clothes to wear to the club," I winked at him. He blushed and said, "I really am sorry Cody, I guess that night I had hit rock bottom; I see Dan and your love for each other and it's like what I had with Joe, deep and strong or that's what I thought, thank you for the second chance."
He kissed my cheek.
We arrived at the shop and I immediately had to pry Trent away from Rory, I headed him in Adams direction. "He's all yours Adam." Rory came over and was talking highlights, he fiddled with Trent’s hair and said, "Here, here and down here okay?" Trent looked at me with a worried face. "He's the best in the business Trent, he hardly ever makes a mistake," I smiled. I sent one of the boys out to get a big platter of sandwiches for lunch, and then I got Rory and Bobby into the office for a talk. "Okay boys I have an idea," I started. Rory looked at Bobby and they put their heads together. Bobby laughed. "Okay what's the joke?" I said.
Rory went bright red and said, "Awesome idea Codes, may I suggest Bobby run the website from home, mostly our stock is in the container. It will only be a matter of him picking it out and popping it in the mail, that wayhe can concentrate on his art work also." I looked at him and shook my head, "You already knew what I was going to suggest didn't you, did you talk to Trent about it last night?"
"Yes Codes the DVD was boring but we only said he should bring up the website idea if you did first." He giggled and said, "Gotchya!" (Don't know why I bother anymore I'm feeling a bit obsolete at the moment.) "Okay, then you know what I'm going to say next then, don't you?" Bobby said, "Well he needs a knockout outfit for this afternoon and another cool one for when he visits his parents to tell them he's staying with us for awhile."
"Okay boys weave your magic." I rubbed my forehead before I pretended to bang it on the wall. "Wow! And fucking Wow," Bailey whispered behind me when Trent came out in his first outfit. "Close you mouth Bailey your drooling," I said.