Never Give Up
Julie called in later on that day just as I was about to go and pick Donny and Timmy up from kindy, she said to me, "Codes I'll drive, I don't know why but I know I have to drive today."
I looked puzzled at her and thought okay I'll play along.
On the way there we talked about Bobby's problem. "He will be okay Codes he's been blaming himself all these years for something he couldn't avoid, have you got your glasses with you?"
"How did you know I had glasses? oh never mind, they are in the glovebox, I only use them to read fine print though."
I got them out and Julie put them on. "Fuck Cody what strength are they?"
"I think a one Julie why?"
"They're not ones Cody they are more like threes."
"What are you suggesting Jules?"
"Your eyes are failing Cody haven't you noticed?"
"No I was getting really bad headaches but they went when I got these from the chemist."
"Well we better get your eyes tested while we are in town, have you finished the antibiotics?"
"Yes, last week, I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow."
It was then that it happened, a bright flash then nothing.
I sat there suspended in time, I could hear Julie talking but didn't know what she was saying and I couldn't see anything, then slowly some light returned.
"Oh fuck," I said.
"What happened Codes? You have to tell me," Julie said.
"A flash of light then darkness, my sight went, I think it's coming back now."
I was absolutely terrified. My tears started.
"It's okay Cody, I don't see blindness just grey, but it's shrinking, I fucking know it is. Thank god I got the feeling I had to come with you today anything could have happened if you were driving, we will pick the kids up and leave them with Tom then I'm taking you to the hospital."
My tears flowed. Julie pulled over so I could get control of my emotions again, I didn't want the kids to see me like this. I cried, "What if I never see Dan's beautiful face anymore, oh my god Timmy," I wept.
After what seemed like hours I could see shadows and movement.
We started off again and I pulled myself together and by the time we got to the kindergarten my sight was almost completely back.
When I saw Donny and Timmy come running out to the car I swept them up and looked at their faces like it was the last time I would see them. I kissed them both then strapped them in all the while telling them how much I loved them.
Julie drove very carefully and as we came up to our turnoff it happened again. I was mortified but trying to stay calm because of the kids, my headache was terrible, I grabbed Julie's hand and squeezed it. We pulled into the drive and I sat in the car for a while and Julie got Tom and Trent to unbuckle the kids. I couldn't cry or scream and I must have looked like a concrete statue, I said bye bye to my kids and then whispered, "Dan, I need Dan."
"Stay here Codes, I'll see if he's home."
Trent came back he had picked up on my silence. "What's the matter Cody, what's happening?"
"Trent look after my babies for me and don't let them come outside until I leave please, they can't see me like this, maybe Timmy will have a sleepover, do you know if Dan's home?"
"Yes he is Codes but what's wrong, please tell me?"
"My eyesights gone, I'm blind and I can't see."
He gasped, "Oh my god Codes, I'll ring Luke and get him to meet you, don't worry about Timmy he's safe here with me, oh god here comes Dan Codes, I love you."
The car doors were opening and I felt strong arms around my body, it was Dan. Julie started up the car as Dan calmly said to Trent we would be back shortly.
"Julie can we go please, I'm going to lose it but not here, I'm sorry Dan I'm so so sorry."
"Codes nothing to be sorry about, just don't panic, we will get you some help and all will be good, Dan's here holding you, your safe Codes."
Driving up the freeway I lost it completely. Dan had his arms around me while kissing my neck and I cried trying to remember his beautiful face and Timmy's cheeky smiles. I felt a great loss, emptiness took over and I eventually just sat in stunned silence.
"We're here Codes, I'll get a wheelchair so stay put."
He got me gently out of the car making sure my head was covered by his large hand and he placed me in the wheelchair then took me into emergency. "You will have to ring mum Dan they won't tell you anything."
"Oh yes they will Codes because I'm not leaving your side."
A nurse came to collect me and Dan stuck his heels in and insisted he take me into the examination room.
The doctor asked if he was family and he said, "Yes I'm Cody's partner, I am his family."
"I'm sorry Mr Lawrence but you will have to leave."
"Try removing me and you will know what sorry is all about, now treat my friend and stop being a dick." he said in a low voice then added,
"And I'll just sit over here and watch." I could imagine the smirk on Dan's face.
He examined me and looked at the MRI, he rang my regular doctor who came down from his rooms at the hospital.
"Hi Cody, hi Dan, what's been happening? It's ok Burt I'll take over now, I'm familiar with the case."
"Okay doctor but Mr Lawrence isn't family and shouldn't be in here," he whispered.
"On the contrary Mr Lawrence is family and exactly where he should be, with his partner. It's okay I got it now."
The intern walked off.
"Interns, they should be educated about social attitudes before they get this far, he's got a lot to learn. I'll talk to him later, now what's been happening?"
I related all that happened, the headaches, the glasses, the blackness, the light and I still couldn't see.
He sent me for another MRI just to see what's changed so Dan wheeled me down to the room, light returned but I could barely focus.
I made him stop and I looked him in the face and drank in every line and shape, I felt his lips with my hands. He gave me one of his killer smiles and said,
"Don't worry Codes it's all going to be all right." Then he kissed me.
The MRI confirmed that the lesion had shrunk but was still active, the doctor was confident what I had experienced was a reaction to it moving.
"Cody I'm confident that it's regressing, it certainly took its time about it but we know so little about the brain, I guess on its own time it decided to heal."
I looked at Dan and his tears were streaming down his face, they matched mine.
We hugged and he nuzzled my neck. "So I'm not going blind?"
"No Cody, your eyesight should return to near perfect in the next few weeks. I want to see you in three days time to do a full assessment, in the meantime confine yourself to the house and no driving"
"Can I go home now?"
"Sure but rest is what I prescribe at the moment, now I've got to go teach a few social graces to my new intern," he laughed.
"Let's go Dan, I need to see our son."
Luke and Jamie were at the hospital waiting for us, they grabbed me and held me tight while Dan told them both that all was good. When we got to the car I rang mum and filled her in, I was switching from tears to joy and laughing. Julie had gone home from the hospital she wanted to talk to Bobby and as she put it, "Codes I knew you were going to be okay and if I had any doubts I would have stayed."
My heart raced when Timmy ran out to meet us, his little legs hurled him into my arms followed by Donny's laughing at me falling over, they both jumped on me and were wanting horsy rides.
Once inside I excused myself and went and showered, I broke down and cried for joy under the warm water. Dan was immediately behind me, I started to feel frightened my arm was numb and my head ached so bad.
I woke up in the hospital and once again the smell of disinfectant filled my nostrils, my head was still aching and I couldn't see, I froze.
What the fuck, why am I here? The last thing I remembered was that I was in the shower.
I could hear a muffled conversation from somewhere, as I tried to hear who was around me.
"Dan." I whispered.
"Codes, oh Codes thank god your awake, Dan's here and he's got you, you've come back to me Codes, please stay."
I must have passed out because those words seemed so distant in my dreams.
As I held Cody in the shower he turned to face me, his face looked like an angel so I started to kiss his head, he said something I didn't quite get.
"What's that baby?"
He was mumbling and when I looked again his eyes were blank. I quickly called for Luke as Cody slipped down the shower glass, I held him tight and manoeuvred us both out of the stall. He couldn't stand straight and was still mumbling something, Luke and Jamie rushed in to help and we got him on the bed and rang the ambulance, this wasn't good at all, my tears started to fall.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck Luke what's happening, why is he like this?"
"Jamie go to the bathroom cabinet and get an asprin and some water, quickly now."
Jamie obeyed him and in seconds he was back, Luke gave him the pill and water he got some of it down but most just dribbled out the side of his sagging mouth.
"Dan be strong I'm doing everything possible, I think he's had another seizure which has brought on a stroke."
My heart sank, that two tonne brick just wacked me in the face and I was stunned into a coma type dream, not Cody, not now that everything was looking good again. I stroked his face but he didn't seem to be aware of me, I held him on the bed until Tom came in with the ambos. Luke gave them a quick rundown on his state and they loaded him onto a gurney and wheeled him outside to the waiting ambulance. When they got him settled I climbed in with him and held his limp hand, they checked his blood pressure and put him on a drip of some sort of concoction. Thank god Timmy was with Donny at his place and he hadn't noticed the ambulance in the car-park, thanks to Trent.
At the hospital he came around and said my name then passed out again, I held him firmly and rocked back and forward. They had him into emergency straight away, bloods and another MRI were done. His face looked a bit better and the colour was returning by the time they sent him off.
I looked at Luke to try and hold onto the lifeline he was giving me, hanging onto his every word and trying to believe what I was hearing.
"It's a mild stroke Dan but the fact he knew you were with him is a very good sign. He's in the best place brother, they will do a lot more tests and hopefully it's a small bleed in his brain and the drugs get him back to where he was, but be prepared as I said we know very little about the brain and the way it reacts so let's just pray that Cody is one of the lucky ones .
Just then his doctor arrived, "Luke can I see you in my office for a moment?"
I started to get up and was politely made to sit down.
"Dan I just want to run a few things past Luke for a moment can you wait here for us, we won't be long."
I looked up at them and Luke nodded and smiled.
"It's okay Dan we won't be long."
I held his hand then let him go and at that moment Cody's mum arrived, she looked like I felt. Jamie filled her in on what had happened and she was as numb as we all were when he finished but she hugged me and assured me that everything was going to be all right.
Luke appeared red eyed and went straight for the coffee machine, he brought two over and said,
"Drink Dan, we need to talk."
"Don't say it Luke, please don't say it, I can't take it, please I beg you please don't do this to me, I'm your brother please don't, Codes please come back."
I began to get up and pace the room again tears flowed and I was agitated to the point I was mumbling to myself not even knowing what I was talking about.
"Here Dan, take this please." Luke handed me a pill and I looked at him confused as ever but somewhere deep inside of me I heard a small voice say, 'trust him.'
I downed it and after a few minutes I calmed down.
"Dan we have to talk, please sit down, this isn't going to go away anytime soon," Luke pleaded with me.
I sat and took Jamie and mum's hands then took a deep breath and said,
"He's going to be all right Dan, we got him here in time but it's how much damage was done is the problem. He could come back fully recovered or with slight impediments or with major problems, we just don't know at the moment so all we can do is wait and pray. He's back from the MRI and getting settled in, he's awake and aware of his surroundings but still can't see, he's upset and agitated and asking for you to see him. No, as the doctor put it he's demanding to see you which is a great sign Dan, just give the doctors a half hour to assess him some more then you can go in."
My shoulders slumped and the tears began again, my head hurt and I couldn't think past the next minute let alone the next hour.
Eventually when the doctor said I could go in I ran up the ward hallway to his room, I suddenly felt so heavy and so old, I quietly opened his door and looked in and I was greeted by a very upset and agitated Cody Mitchell, I moved over to his bed and just took all of him in.
He looked up from his pillow squinting.
"You can see me?" I asked.
"Only shadows Dan but I knew it was you, I could hear you running up the hallway."
His speech was a little slurred but quite audible, I understood all his words.
Sitting on the bed beside him I leaned in for that very much needed kiss, he didn't hold back and neither did and I we held it for ages, I was trying to make him well and he was trying to soothe me.
"I now release you from your promise Dan."
"What promise is that Codes?" I said as I nuzzled his neck.
"The one where you promised to love and protect me forever," he replied.
"No hope of that happening Squirt, I'm here and I'm still holding you."
"I'm no good now, I can't see, I can't ..."
"Shut up Squirt your boring me, now let's do some more pashing."
I shut him down at every opportunity, I knew he would try the I'm crippled and I'm no good anymore card but I wasn't even going to let him get it out this time, he's mine and I'm his, end of story.
He started to cry on his fourth attempt so I held him and repeated what I had said before, not in the far distant past.
"If you lost all your marbles or your legs or your love for me, I would still love and protect you no matter what Codes and do you know why?"
"No Dan." He whispered.
"Because I fucking love you, that's why."
He started to sob and kept saying, "Im so scared, so scared."
Just then the doctors came in.
"Well Cody we can't see much damage at the moment, we think there was a small bleed but again I can't stress enough there's hope that the lesion has settled down," he added.
"You answered all our questions correctly and your speech is returning to normal but we will put you on some medication which will help. As far as your sight is concerned we just don't know, we are hoping it will return in its own time but it may take awhile."
"Dan can't nurse me doctor, I'll have to get someone in or maybe go to a rehabilitation hospital."
My heart sank, he was doing it again so I left the room without saying goodbye, not a word. I sat in my car and cried, someone did come and they held me until I gathered myself up. It was my mum, she cried with me and soothed her little boy like she did so many years ago when I fell or scraped my knees.
"He has forgotten his motto Dan, we have to somehow make him realise he's going to be well, it may take some time but I'm sure everything will be okay."
"Mum can you drive me home for a few minutes, there's something I forgot to get."
"Of course baby," she replied.
Arriving back at the hospital with Timmy in hand we headed for Cody's room.
Code's mum, Luke, Jamie and dad were there just talking idly, Cody looked like he was ignoring them.
"Dads Coods its me Timmy."
Cody looked up from the pillow and he smiled.
"Hey my little pirate what are you doing here?"
"Dads ives come to give you summing you leave behind at home."
I lifted him onto the bed and he crept up to Cody's face and kissed him.
"Look Coods Prince Danil got this for you," Tim said.
Cody took his little hand and paused as a chain and heart fell into his lap, he felt it and closed his eyes, tears dripped onto the white bed linen.
"You need big shower dads?"
"No son, not big shower, big Prince Danil is what I need now."He said.
I took the chain and little heart off him and placed it around his neck.
"That's better Codes, you looked a little lost without it," I said.
I kissed him and Timmy tried to get into bed with him.
"Hey kiddo, that's my job," I said.
Codes stiffened up and jolted the bed.
"Don't worry Dan, he's been having them on and off for the past few hours, they will pass," Luke said.
I held Tim and Cody in my arms and told each one of them that I loved them.
I blamed myself for what happened, I shouldn't have even gone home from work that night, I should have had that beer with Dan but alas I hadn't, how could I see into the future? Dan loves me and I guess he is stuck with a cripple now, plenty of people go blind but they find a way to cope with it. I'll never give up and I'm never going to feel sorry for myself, I will make the best of what I've got and try to do the best for Dan and Timmy but I will never fucking give up.
"Thank you Luke," I said as I played with my hearts.
"My pleasure Codes," Luke replied.
A day bed was erected in my room for Dan, the doctor wanted to release me the next morning so in his wisdom he thought it best for my family to stay.
Luke and Jamie with mum and Rob took Timmy home to his bed, maybe Donny will sleep with him tonight.
While Dan and I talked about what to do when I got home his phone rang.
"He won't go to sleep without his special story Dan," Luke said into the phone.
"Put him on," Dan replied.
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess called True Love, she loved Prince Daniel so much she was prepared to go to any lengths to make him happy even to the point of making him go out to find more love. One day when she was out walking she came upon the sad looking Prince, she said, "Prince Daniel why are you so sad?"
Prince Daniel replied, "Because my Princess True Love doesn't love me anymore, she tried to send me away into the forest and there I would be alone and lost without her."
The Princess thought about it for a moment and apologised to him. She said,
"I am sorry Daniel I just get a little upset sometimes, I don't think I love you enough but I can't find any more love because you have it all."
"Well," Said Prince Daniel.
"You don't have to find anymore love for me because I have love enough for both of us."
Then they kissed and went back to the castle to see their son Prince Timmy.
"Dan he's asleep," Luke said down the phone.
"Night, night Luke, I love you," Dan said.
Then he hung up the phone.
"Now where were we," he looked at me.
"Come here big boy."
I held him and kissed his face like no tomorrow.
We slept soundly that night and as morning poked its head above the horizon I could make out shapes in the room, my eyes were better than yesterday and Dan told me there were no spasms overnight .
"Did you stay awake all night Dan?"
"Yes Codes, just in case you needed me, I got some good pictures too."
"Oh god don't tell me you sent them to everybody in your phone book," I sighed.
"Umm yes Codes, they were so nice I thought I would share," he giggled.
Breakfast for two arrived then the doctors.
More examinations and questions and I was in a wheelchair ready to go home.
Dan got me to the car and buckled me in then we drove home holding hands and talking about the immediate future. I had enough designs for Armani in storage, my shops were covered and our little boy was organised.
The house was empty when we got home, it was a beautiful day so Dan led me to the porch, he got drinks for us both and handed one to me but it slipped from my fingers and shattered on the floor, I couldn't hold it, my left side was weak. I started to say something but Dan just ignored me, he got another glass of juice and pushed it to my right hand, a tear escaped from my eye.
Luke arrived an hour later, he had left university earlier today, he held my hand and we talked softly. Dan said,
"I'm going for a run Codes, I won't be long."
"Okay Dan, see you soon." I replied.
When he took off down the beach I turned to Luke and said,
"Give him a half hour then go after him, I think he may need your cuddles at the moment, I don't help by being so fucking negative."
"Okay Codes, are you feeling all right or still a bit off?"
"No Luke I feel fine, I just can't grip with my left hand, my eye sight is slowly returning I think, it was a lot better this morning and no spasms at all last night or today. Dan was up all night watching me."
"Well I'll get started on some sandwiches for lunch then you and Dan go have a lay down for a couple of hours. I'll talk to him again, it's unlikely you will have another stroke but at the moment your eyesight is a concern. You may end up with glasses my friend but if that's all then that's a good thing and I think you will look quite sexy with them on," he giggled.
I kissed his cheek and he left to make some lunch, when he returned he said he was going for a run and would be back shortly.
I waited but felt quite tired so I found my way to our bedroom and laid down.
Dan's sobbing woke me, he had wrapped himself behind me and was crying into my neck. I turned around and hugged him to me all the while saying positive things to him and telling him how much I rely on him and love him deeply, he settled down and drifted off to sleep. During the afternoon he turned so I spooned him, he took my hand and squeezed it and I could actually see the hair on his head but fuzziness was still looming around the edges.
Timmy came home and Trent helped me to get him sorted with a biscuit and juice, he and Donny started to watch 'Shaun the Sheep' cartoons on TV.
Dan arrived and whispered, "Can we have a shower Codes?"
"Sure Dan after you."
I followed him into the bathroom and undressed him slowly all the while running my hands over his tight torso which was doing a good job on my cock.
I got him under the water and soaped him up remembering our first shower together when he wouldn't let me even touch him. I knelt and took his member in my mouth and started to blow him, he leaned back and moaned through his lips, I came when he did then I proceeded to wash his hair, I got in close and looked into his eyes, I could see the puffiness and red streaks I said,
"Tonight Dan we will both take a sleeping pill and have a good nights sleep, you will need all your energy in the next couple of days because I can't do anything yet, we can spend our days in bed, deal?"
"Deal Squirt," he answered and smiled.
Feeling slowly returned in my left arm and my eyes didn't have any fuzziness about them, the doctor gave me a clean bill of health but I still had to take a small pill each day that apparently thinned my blood out a little.
I tried a few pairs of glasses, the ones I had were too strong so I settled on number ones, I could see really well with them.
Rory and Bobby helped when they could and took Timmy to watch movies every other day, they were brilliant, one day about a week after my episode I took Dan for a shower before we had a nap.
I took the lead and kissed Dan all over, I rubbed my cock up and down his ass and whispered to him, "Think I'm going to teach you how to fuck Dan, maybe tonight."
"Oh okay Codes but I was thinking I would have a headache tonight."
We laughed ourselves silly then I gave him a massive full on kiss that ended with an explosive blow job, he slipped down the shower stall, no more energy.
He did my smells and kissed every part of my body, I turned to him and said,
"I'm going to get my scars done Dan for me, my new range is awesome and if I get them done I can wear most of it."
"Okay Codes, only if it's for yourself."
"Well for me and for you and especially for Timmy I don't want him to have to ask difficult questions when he starts to notice them."
He held me tight but I suspect he was checking my ass out in the mirror because he was turning me every which way.
We exited the bathroom and of course there were two little boys with a camera on the bed again. I screamed, "Rory, now we talk."
I ran into the sunroom catching sight of Rory scooting down the stairs, he started running down the beach so I took off after him and caught up. He tripped, I fell on him and we wrestled around in the sand. "We need to talk Rory, now!"
He looked at me and said with a sincere face, "Welcome back Cody Mitchell, we all missed you so much."
How the fuck could I argue with him so I kissed him and told him I loved him but said, "This is not over by any means."
He kicked me off and took off towards our house, the coffee and sandwiches were ready and I was puffed, Dan looked at me and said,
"The diet starts tomorrow," as he pinched my belly. "Ouch," I replied.
I sat on Dan's lap and Timmy sat on mine while Rory was taking pictures with that damn camera. Timmy whispered something to me so I smiled and said, "Ask uncle Rory Timmy."
"Uncles Rory wheres does the little scool kids live?"
"Yes Rory, where does that friend of yours live? Explain that to your nephew."
Rory looked stunned so he yelled out, "Bobby help!" Then took off again. "Sorry Timmy, gotta run," he said. I couldn't stop laughing .
I said to Timmy, "Ask uncle Bobby tomorrow Timmy, maybe he knows."
I had no doubt in my mind that he would ask, payback is a bitch sometimes.
"Fuck I love my family," I screamed.
"Daddy naughty word."
"Whoops sorry Timmy."
I was still on a high when we went to bed and after Tim's story I snuck outside and when Dan came to the bedroom I knocked on the window, "Mister, mister are you alone?"
"Surfer Dude come in, yes I'm alone."
"I missed you mister. Can you show me how to hang five?"
"Don't know about hanging five Dude but I can show you how to handle a hanging eight."
"Bragger." I hit the play button then proceeded to do the bum dance, it was Dans turn to take the photos. His phone was running hot but I think he didn't realise it and was sending them to everybody in his phone book, I didn't care, I was back.
We became very athletic that night and all my cares and worries went. I did get a bit of one finger in Dan but he faked a headache, it was so funny so I took a photo of him dying. I sent it with the caption, 'after all my efforts big butch Dan gets a headache, go figure.'
There were plenty of messages coming in and most wanted to see more but Larry's said, "I'm all good to go Squirt, no headaches here."
April's said, "He's dreaming again Squirt xx"
Luke's said, "Your glowing again Codes xx."