Never Give Up
11 Years on.
"Well you can go to fucking hell," I heard Tim scream followed by both the front door then his bedroom door slamming.
I gave Dan a shrug.
"I'll go and talk to him Codes, something's got him hot under the collar, my guess it's Donny again." He put his notes down and rubbed his arms, it was starting to get chilly and his ankle will be aching soon if not already. I gave him a concerned look then touched his face and whispered, "Be gentle with him." My shoulders gave me away as I was having silent fits of laughter inside, I grabbed his hand and dragged him outside then we both burst out laughing, I couldn't contain my tears. Dan was just as bad as we held each other crying over yet another Donny and Tim moment. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and every-time I looked into my beautiful man's eyes I started again. "Let's take a walk Codes," he said.
Taking my hand we headed off down the beach, I was trying not to piss myself and when I thought about it, it was what I was about to do so I headed for the tea trees that framed our beach protectively. Letting it stream away soaking into the sand I felt a hand move and push mine out of the way, Dan was 'helping' me. "Better Codes?" he said as he nuzzled my neck.
"Umm," I replied.
We could see Tom and Trent coming our way so sat down outside Rory and Bobby's place to greet them, they, by the look of Trent had the same idea as us. He was leaning into Tom and laughing his ass off.
"Hi guys, how's your son today?" Dan chuckled.
"Probably the same as yours Dan, he's throwing everything Tim has given him in the bin and threatening to repaint his room any color than the bright peacock green that Timmy made him paint it," Tom said, holding his stomach still.
"Not such a bad idea Codes, it does look shocking," Trent howled.
Tom and Trent had got the same deal as Bobby and Rory. Dan and I had sold them some land down the beach nearer to town, they did a magnificent job on the house and it looked like it had been there for years. Jamie had designed it for them and as Tom had only played three seasons with the club they both settled down into their new lives with no problems. Trent still doing great things with websites and Tom now working at the foundation as mums second in charge, he was doing magic things for the kids there.
Donny and Timmy had a love/hate relationship. Tim loved to push Donny around and Donny hated being pushed. When Donny started school Tim would make him play hooky just so he could come and see if Tim was okay at pre-school, but that all changed when Tim started school. Donny was in so many fights he was threatened with expulsion three times and he was only in second year. Tim had him by the nuts and wasn't going to let go, which means when Timmy said jump, Donny would say, "How high sir?" The number of times we were called into the principal's office was staggering compared to the other students, we were constantly coaxing Tim to be a better person and not to rely on Donny all the time. We would go a few months of pure bliss but then something always happened and it would be on again, this was one of those times.
Trent burst out laughing again followed by Tom, I had to stop as my ribs ached but Dan still chuckled.
"He got the wrong colored apple Squirt," howled Trent.
"The wrong apple!" he said bending over holding his stomach.
"What?" spat Dan.
"At lunchtime Donny got Tim the wrong colored apple from the canteen," he screamed.
"You're fucking kidding," I said.
"True, Donny told us before he went ballistic in his room." Pure pain was showing on poor Trent's face from laughing so much. "We had to get out of there before we cracked up completely."
"Same here Tom. Dan do you still want to talk with Tim?" I smirked
"Ah, no Codes, I don't think I will," he started to wail.
We sat on Rory's porch for an hour collecting our composure, then decided to go home and start dinner, thank god the kids weren't home at the time, they would think we had all been on weed.
Saying our goodnights to Trent and Tom, Dan and I strolled back to the house not completely sure of what lay ahead of us.
I turned the oven on while Dan went back to his football magazine and as I started peeling potatoes Tim appeared red faced and full of purpose. He strolled over to the sofa where Dan had sat down using Dan's legs for a cushion. `Here it comes,' I chuckled to myself.
"Daddy Dan's?" Tim started.
He always called Dan `daddy' when he wanted something and he called me daddy when he couldn't get it off Dan.
"Yes little pumpkin?"
"Dad, can I change schools?"
"Why honey, you love your school don't you?"
"Well, I was thinking, just thinking mind you, that maybe I would excel academically if I changed school, it would be like fresh and new and the teachers would be more interesting, maybe a private school, maybe."
"Tim you are already excelling at school and as far as I can see moving you would undo all that good work, you would have to make new friends and travel a long distance to get there on the bus, it doesn't make sense."
The room went silent except my dicing the potatoes into cubes for stewing. I looked up and my five foot eight fifteen year old son started walking over to me in the kitchen. Here it comes Codes, be strong, don't laugh.
"Daddy, what's for din din?" he shyly asked me.
"Casserole baby, would you like to help me?"
"No thanks Dads Codes, I think I'll watch a little TV."
"Okay honey, apple pie for dessert is that okay?"
"Sure dad, that's fine."
I went into the fridge and took out two apples.
"Which color would you like in your pie baby, this green or this green?"
I couldn't take anymore, I howled with laughter. I could see Dan wasn't much better. Timmy's face was filled with rage and he stormed off slamming his bedroom door for the second time today, he had lost the argument.
I grabbed Dan and we hung on until the tremors relented, tears were exchanged as I kissed his beautiful face, and then our laughing gave way to passionate kissing.
"Let's skip dinner Codes," Dan whispered.
"Later Dan, later," I replied into his glistening grey eyes.
Just a typical after school tiff, that's what I would call it. Tim wouldn't be upset that Donny got him the wrong colored apple, there's more to it than that and I was about to find out later that night when I went to call him for dinner.
I knocked on his door and when he said, "Come in," I went and laid on the bed with him, pulling him close to me like we had done a thousand times before. I said stroking his beautiful shoulder length black hair, running my fingers through it trying to get that imagined knot out, "What's really the problem baby?"
"Oh dad, I feel so foolish, I was being a royal pain in the ass, and I don't know why."
"Well tell me what happened and between the three of us we can work it out."
Dan had moved from his couch and followed me in; he was now doing what I had done.
"I don't know why I got so upset Dads, we were sitting there having lunch and Becky said she had forgotten to get her drink and Donny got up falling over himself and said he would get it for her. They were smiling at each other like they were all warm and gooey and as he left I said, "grab me an apple too Donny."
That's all that happened but when he came back he had a red one and he knows I like the green ones. He had a drink opened with a straw in it for Becky and threw the apple over to me then they both made goofy eyes at each other. I've no idea what happened but I think I told him off for getting me the wrong colored apple."
"Do you think Donny likes Becky a lot Tim?"
"Maybe, he's never said anything but I suppose it's possible, she's a nice girl Dad. We have been friends for a long time but he's never ever said anything."
"Okay honey come and get your dinner and dad and I will get whatever it is sorted for you, and I promise no apple jokes," I smiled as I kissed his forehead.
He smiled and giggled. "Good one Squirt, I reckon that was your best comeback in a long time," he laughed.
"Private school?" Dan lifted his eyebrows.
"Nah, only kidding dad," he replied.
I dished up heaps of beef stew for my growing boys. Do you believe that last statement? (No of course you don't). They had a little stew and a lot of salad, Dan was put on a strict diet five years ago when I discovered he was changing sizes, everything's back to normal now but it did give me a terrible fright lolol. Nothing much has changed in our lives in the past eleven years, Rory, Adam and I now have seventeen outlets. One in Milan and one in Paris and they do very well. We are still working for Armani and I'm still very much in love with my Dan, my scars had been attended to and although still there, they were much less noticeable. Thank god Timmy's scars faded to micro nothings and after Dan's talk to him about them, he never mentioned it again. My Dan is in his last year of league football and his foot gives him trouble in winter but that's when football is played, but strapped and taped he still kicks ass on the field. This year he wants to retire and he's been getting offers from networks and newspapers and is thinking about it. In reality he's going to float from my business to the farm to the charity, modeling is still an option, his skin is still youthful and his body still iron hard.
Tim is gay did I mention that? Well he is, we had a big talk about it when he was thirteen and it was decided that he wouldn't tell anyone, not even Donny. We never told the family, not that they would mind, it's just that at thirteen he was very sensitive about it so we promised not to tell, now it doesn't seem that important.
He did eventually tell Rory and Bobby and I'm convinced that he goes there to ask questions about it. I once collared Rory about it but all he said was, "It's sorted Codes, he just feels more comfortable talking to us but if there's anything we feel you and Dan should know, we will tell you instantly, I promise, but up to now it's just kids stuff," he smiled.
I know the boys also think of Tim as their son and I know he's in safe hands.
Well my George and Harry never turned up, I think about them often. Bobby said he didn't know why but he is convinced he saw them in one of his dreams and they are still waiting for us to pick them up. That sent chills up my spine thinking they were out there waiting for Dan and me.
I am now at the stage where I think maybe it will never happen.
Mike and Debs had another baby, a boy called James Robert and they call him JR for short. He's now six years old and full of beans and the image of Mike. Daniela is a striking blonde of eleven, she's very much into her horses and helping on the farm, which is going great guns with `The Farm' stay fully established and very popular. Mum and Rob are still the same, only older, they sit on their porch often and are more advisers nowadays. My Mike is so beautiful, many, many weekends we would sit with him, he is on top of the world and very happy with his lot, he still gives Lukey and Jamie a nudge now and then.
Barry and Peter finally came out to everyone and have turned into the most beautiful young men I know, they are still helping Mike and still loving the solitude that the farm affords them. They still basically run our website and the farm while Mike concentrates on the guests.
Now to my most important people, my beautiful Luke and gorgeous James, it's been a hard battle but they both got there eventually, they still live with us and Luke now has a practice in town. They never built a house but put their money into the clinic that Luke opened with a fellow doctor, it had almost everything that a large town hospital has, even beds for overnight stays. Luke, what do I say about this man that I haven't said before. Doctor Lucas Lawrence my savior, my brother and my best friend, he got more handsome as he got older, when he walks into a room people go WOW! He commands the respect a country doctor gets without asking for it. People are drawn to him like bugs to a flame. He's treating more and more farmers on the land for depression and his passion is treating children, he has a good reputation amongst his peers as a leading pediatrics doctor.
His hair hasn't changed but it has got a little darker and his body is a man's body, hard and perfectly shaped. Unlike Jamie's solid muscle, Luke is hard toned but elegant, so fucking elegant, if only.
Jamie retired from football five years ago and started on his business full time and he still runs that from home in our workshop. Bobby still paints and commands big prices for his work, he relented and does a few private commissions. His name is known worldwide and has been nicknamed the ghost painter by his peers, he and Rory never lost their childlike looks and pranks, they still do the fun parks, camp on the beach, scream at the moon while swimming naked at night and give Barry and Peter curry when they are at the farm. After two years Julie went back to carnival life but calls in every now and then and the kids also go to see her.
Jacques returned to Paris three months after the funeral and I took over his job, it isn't hard and Armani are more than pleased with my work but it means travel now and then however Dan always comes with me when he's not busy with games and training.
My boys still use the beach for training sessions, there's quite a few new recruits passing through and some very fine eye candy on our beach each sunday.
The transportables have been left empty and only used twice a year for training camp.
"What are you writing Squirt?" Dan inquired.
"Just my thoughts Dan, how's Timmy?" I asked
"He's fine Codes, he's just doing homework and is going to have an early night."
"Well I had better go in and hug him before he does."
"Okay Squirt, meet me in the shower," Dan's eyebrows were at it again.
"Okay beautiful," I kissed his lips and went to say goodnight to our son.
"Hey baby how are you feeling now?"
"Okay dad just a very little bit pissed off with Donny but it will be fine, I have loads of friends to hang with," he replied.
"Honey, can I ask you something? It's a bit out there but I want to know for your sake."
"Okay dad, anything."
"Are you in love with Donny?" I whispered.
Tim looked at me shocked then he seemed to soften a little, then the tears came. I had my answer.
"It's okay baby, I know it hurts, boy do I know, you don't need to tell me anything more." I knelt on the floor by his bed and held him close; I've always loathed it when he cried, right from the start I hated it. It wrenched at my heart and my guess is I can't fix it this time.
"From the very moment I saw him dad, I have loved Donny with all my heart. I still remember the day he showed me how to make sandcastles, he was like a burst of beautiful sunshine and I was immediately drawn to him. I don't know why, I don't remember much else when I was younger but I do remember that and ice cream and cake. I thought I was in heaven, it's like I'm alive when he's around, he's my life and my solid rock. I don't know why I got so upset today but I am going to try to move on, there's plenty of guys out there for me but I really don't want plenty, I only want one, that's not too much to ask is it dad? Just the one."
"No baby if that works for you then its perfect, just try not to miss out on anything in the meantime. There's someone out there waiting to meet you and excited to embark on a loving relationship," I smiled adding,
"Donny's got to find his own way in life baby, he's maybe a late bloomer like his father but I do know that he has loved you since you both met, but maybe its a brotherly kind of love."
"I don't know dad but it hurts and I'm so lonely," he replied.
"Give it time honey, give it time."
My guess is that's why the sleepovers stopped when he turned thirteen. Donny had been very pissed off big time but he went along with Tim's story, that they weren't babies anymore.
I kissed my boy goodnight and went to find Dan he was already in bed.
"You didn't wait for me," I pouted.
"I figured you got caught with the boy so went ahead, now hurry up," he said as he lifted the sheet with his boner.
I ran to the shower quickly rinsed and was in bed with him within five minutes.
After polishing his manhood thoroughly I proceeded to give him one super dooper blow job, he flicked me around and made love to me also. Finishing in a mind-blowing orgasm it's got better and more intense for us because we both know exactly what we both like.
Exhausted Dan pulled me into his shoulder and said,
"He's in love Dan."
"Already Squirt, who with?" he quizzed me.
"Who else baby, Donny that's who with."
"Oh dear is it mutual Squirt?"
"No, I don't think so Dan. By the sounds of it Donny's hooked on Becky, he will be seventeen soon and driving, I'm guessing Tim will be forgotten."
"Well he's a very good looking kid Codes, he won't have any trouble getting a boyfriend," Dan said.
"He only wants the one Dan, it's breaking his heart," I replied.
"Please don't tell him about the legs at the bar trick, please."
"No way babe, it isn't going to happen."
"Okay, you can kiss me now."
We kissed deeply and started rubbing our goods together and it was on again in three minutes, there's something I absolutely adore with my Dan, he never disappoints me.
"Night, night Dan."
"Night, night Codes."
No not yet.
"Codes you still awake?"
"Do you think Tim will find a boyfriend soon?"
"I hope not Dan, why?"
"Well, he might and I hope he's tall enough to clean out the gutters, I hate that job."
"You never do it Dan."
"Yeah, but if I need to he could do it for me," he chuckled.
"Goodnight Dan, I love you."
"Goodnight Codes, come here I need your boy smells, I love you."
I snuggled into him and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning Tim was in a better mood. I noticed he had his favorite hipster jeans on and a great striped shirt, he usually wore his hair in a ponytail but this morning it was dead straight and falling past his shoulders. I caught a waft of aftershave and a cool `Cody Mitchell' leather strap on his wrist.
The local high school was very liberal with the students, they could wear anything within reason which made for a very relaxed classroom.
He looked a million dollars and definitely had the wow factor (now where did he get that from?). He will turn sixteen in a couple of month's time, we are so proud of him.
Slinging his bag over his broad shoulders he gave Dan and me a kiss goodbye and headed down the drive to the bus stop, normally he would walk to school with Donny down the beach but today I think is the start of a new life.
It wasn't more than a week after the apple incident he came up the drive in a beat up old car blowing smoke like a chimney.
"Hi dad this is Beau, he gave me a lift home."
"Hi Beau, would you like a coke?"
"Yes please, Mr. Mitchell."
Just then Dan arrived home from his meeting with his coach.
"Whose beat up old car is in the drive Codes?" he said not looking at anyone.
Tim introduced Beau and a red faced Dan grabbed a coffee and sat on the porch. Beau slowly made his way out there leaving Tim with me in the kitchen.
"Beau's on the football team dad, do you think he's cute?"
"Yes honey but isn't he a little old for you, how old is he?"
"He's only just eighteen dad and he just got his license. I know his car is a bomb but he works for the garage in Wilson street part time, he's going to fix it up.
He moved out with the boys and sat bored out of his mind for the next hour they were talking football.
When Beau left, Dan was exhausted, boy did that kid pick Dan's brain on the ins and outs of football. He barely noticed Tim sitting there and of course it was the last time we saw him.
Donny had rung several times trying to find out what was wrong but I said only that Tim was going through some issues to be patient. He wasn't buying it after the thirteenth call, Timmy was ignoring him at school and Donny didn't like it one little bit.
The night Beau had bent Dan's ear off I spotted Donny jogging up the beach, he looked a little pissed off by the time he reached our place.
His red curls were dulled by his face, Tom had him in the gym every other day so he was already showing the signs of having a powerhouse of a body, he had his learners and a car but couldn't drive without supervision.
"Where's Tim, Dads?" he puffed out.
"In his room Donny, do you want me to call him?" I replied.
"No it's okay, I know where it is," he gave a slight smile.
The fight that followed moved from the bedroom to the kitchen to the porch then onto the beach and by this time I'm sure the neighbors were recording it as I caught a sparkle coming from Rory's lounge room.
"I said he's too old for you to be hanging with, why aren't you listening to me you dip shit, all he's interested in is football, football, football," Donny was shouting and pissed.
"So what, he's a good mate, he drove me home from school today, you don't want to hang with me anymore, you've got Becky now and I've got no one," Tim's tears flowed, he was hurting. Dan moved to break it up but I grabbed his arm and made him sit down.
"Let them get it out Dan, it's hurting me as much as you."
"You can still hang with us, I'm not dating Becky, she's a good friend. I don't even look at her that way, you are making me crazy Tim, why are you being such a stupid fuck?"
Tim moved back onto the porch where there was safety in numbers, he turned around and said,
"I'm gay Donny and I've been in love with you forever but you don't want me, you want girls so I have to find a boyfriend who likes me. I'm lonely and hurt and I love you," he screamed.
The silence was deafening, Donny swayed back and forth.
He looked blankly at Tim, you could cut the air with a knife then he answered taking a large breath, "I know Tim, I've always known," a single tear dropped from his eye.
Then he turned on his heels and started walking towards home.
Tim stood there stunned; he let out a loud sob then moved into Dan's arms, total anguish crept across his face. I knew the signs, I had been there some lifetime ago and I know how much it hurts.
I pulled them to me and whispered, "It's going to be okay baby, Dan and Codes are here, your safe now. We stayed like that for ages, then I made him go take a big bath, Dan and I washed his hair and lit some candles, Dan sang our song for him and he finally relaxed enough to dry himself and eat a small meal, then he went to bed.