Never Give Up
Rory and Bobby appeared and surprise so did Luke and Jamie. It felt like ages since I had seen Luke, he works so hard, I see Jamie every day in his office, I hugged my Luke and smiled, "You look tired beautiful brother."
"Doctor's life Codes but I'm hoping it will settle down soon after the whole city have been to see me, but I am getting a little sick of mums bringing in their obviously embarrassed sons to meet me," he laughed.
Jamie looked at Luke and said, "Well maybe I should come to work with you every day."
"It's only a bit of fun, the men aren't serious but there's some very keen mums out there," Luke chuckled.
Jamie pulled him in and started kissing his neck.
"Let's go home Jamie," Luke moaned.
They had coffee with us and Rory leant over and said, "I deleted it Codes, it looked like fun at the start but I could tell it wasn't going to end well."
"That's okay Rory, he's hurting and he's lonely. It's just teenage blues hopefully and it wont last long."
Just then Trent and Tom came through the house, they looked pissed off. Tom handed Dan some keys and said, "Put these somewhere safe for me Dan, Donny no longer has a car for a month."
"What the fuck happened Tom?" Dan asked.
"Let's just say there's two bedroom walls that need repairing, a chest of drawers out for the count and Trent's salad is all over the kitchen walls."
"My god, he was pissed," I giggled.
"That's my son." Trent said and added, "Doesn't do anything by halves."
"Where is he now Tom?" Luke asked.
"Working it off in the gym, he's going to be very sore tomorrow me thinks."
"Do you want me to go talk to him?" Luke asked.
"Maybe later, let him cool down a bit, he won't talk to me and Trent, he's furious the car isn't available anymore and don't anyone of you lend him your cars, he isn't allowed to drive."
"Okay Tom, all's good we won't, hopefully when he starts full training at the club he can work his excess energy out on the field."
Donny, like his father was a great footballer and the club has taken him on under the father and son rule, he's going places but I wonder about his angry moments.
"How's Tim, Codes?" Trent asked.
"Hurting Trent, he's lonely, hurt and in love with Donny but he understands Donny is different. Tim's so hell bent on getting a boyfriend we are a bit worried he might just give it up for anyone whose nice to him. He listens to us but there's only so much we can do, they have to sit down and have a long conversation, not an argument."
"Donny just might surprise you Codes, give him time."
(Fuck, where have I heard that before?)
Just then Tim came out and said hi to everyone, he had been crying again, he handed me a piece of paper with a list of names on it and said,
"This is my revised birthday guest list."
I looked down the list, no Donny and no Becky.
"Are you sure honey?"
He kissed Luke as he passed and finally went back to bed.
When everyone left we heard the sobs that was always his signal he didn't want to be alone. Dan and I crawled into bed with him and cuddled him while he went to sleep.
The next morning he emerged for breakfast looking just as good as he did the day before he had pulled his hair back and tied it into a small bun, which I might add looked fantastic on him.
"What would you like Tim?" I asked.
"Just toast and tea dad, thank you for last night, I slept well."
"Tim, that's okay, we love a family cuddle now and then but you have to know Donny's hurting just as much as you are, he nearly trashed the house last night when he got home, he's very angry."
"Yeah, he's angry I'm gay and I won't be friends with him anymore. His decision dad, you heard him, he knew I was gay and it pisses him off, I'm not even going to talk to him anymore, he doesn't exist."
"Oh Tim you don't mean that, he's been your best friend since you were little, you can't shut the door to him, you have to sit down and talk like adults, not kids," I replied.
"I know dad but there's no room for him anymore, I need to make myself happy and I'm going to, with or without Donny," he said rather offhandedly.
Everything went quiet. Dan and I went to the club Thursday night to see the boys, it was a mad house as the season would be starting soon. We noticed that the regulars had dropped off, we only saw Matt and John Sundays but they quite often stayed for dinner. Larry and April have a little boy who they dote on so Larry stays sometimes and meets April and the baby and they stay for dinner but not as often as Matt and John.
We were a bit bored so decided it was all coming to an end for us, things change and the boy's bar was also, we almost felt like strangers even though Dan was still a star, his office crammed with awards attests to that.
Arriving home there was no Tim around but a scribbled note was on the counter which said, 'Gone to the movies with Peter, he's driving. Be home at eight xx.'
We didn't meet Peter he dropped Tim off and sped off down the road.
"Tim can we talk to you please?"
"Yes dad what's up?"
"Tim, we are so not happy you went out, you're still only fifteen and it's a school night, who's this Peter?" Dan said.
"Dad, I'm nearly sixteen, it was a spur of the moment thing, Peter is Becky's older brother he asked me to go to the pictures after school, I don't think he's gay but I'm dying to find out."
"Why?" Dan asked.
"Not what Tim, why? Why did he invite you out?"
"I don't know Dad, maybe he likes me."
"How old is he Tim?" I asked.
"I think he's twenty one or two dad, he's so cool he bought me popcorn and chips," he responded.
Then it happened.
Dan blew his stack, I've never seen him so angry. He got in Tim's face and called him all the stupid names he could find and then some, I watched as he made a fist, Tim cowered."
"Dan no! Leave it," I shouted.
Dan looked at me tears in his eyes, he said in a low voice looking Tim in the eye,
"Why would you put yourself in that kind of danger, how could you do this to us, we could have lost you tonight, we know nothing about this man for fucks sake asking a kid out on a date, a fucking movie date, what were you even thinking?"
He then moved to the porch grabbed his phone and was talking to someone.
I heard him screaming at someone then he came back into the house.
"Get to your room, you are grounded for a month and don't move out of this fucking house unless it's to go to school. Cody or I will drive you there and pick you up.
Tim moved to his room and slammed the door, again.
"I'll be back." He said tears were streaming down his face.
"Dan please stay here we need to talk, please stay with me," I pleaded.
While this was going on Jamie and Luke had heard the ruckus and had made it halfway up the stairs, they were waiting for us to finish.
"Dan, do what Cody says, stay here we have to talk," Jamie said.
Dan was ropeable, he looked me in the eye and said, "Not this time Codes, I'm not going to ignore this one. Every minute of every day I curse the day I let you go to your apartment and every day I feel your pain. It's not going to happen to our son Codes, not ever going to happen."
He grabbed his car keys and headed for the front door.
He paused outside Tim's room and pulled back his arm, his fist went straight through the door making a booming sound.
"Don't you dare move from that room Tim," he bellowed.
"Jamie, go with him please," Luke said.
I picked up the phone and called Tom. He said Dan had rung and Donny sent him Becky's address under duress, he said Donny had a mate there and they have just driven off.
"I'm worried Cody, very worried, I have to go after them, will call you back."
I flopped down on the couch. "It's a dream Luke, this is all a dream," I whispered.
Tim came out and was crying, he folded into my arms sobbing loudly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry dad."
"I am not going to say it's all right Timmy because it's not. What you did was dangerous, my god we don't know this man, we don't know what he's capable of, my god Tim, your father, please god protect him," I trailed off.
I tried to calm Dan down by talking about anything but the elephant in the car but he wasn't listening.
"What do you intend to do Dan?" I finally asked.
"I'm going to kill the cunt," and he meant it.
"Dan, maybe it would be better if you let me talk to him, it may be an innocent gesture on his part, he sort of knows Tim through Donny and Becky."
"He's sniffing around Tim because he's heard he's gay and he wants some, you can put a dollar on that statement and win a million, well he's not going to hurt my son in that way, I guarantee it."
Up ahead I could see a cop car, all of a sudden it's lights went on and they followed us, thank god.
Dan pulled to the side of the road, he had been speeding, they told me to drive they could see that Dan was agitated and were not happy with his attitude. I followed the divvy van to the police station where Dan and I made statements.
As we were talking to a detective we spotted a red faced young man being brought into the station. Dan guessed who he was and began to attack him verbally calling him all the mangy bastards under the sun. Cody had turned up by then plus Donny and his mate.
The cops let us go into Cody's care.
Dan had settled down considerably, he and Codes spoke to the cop doing the investigation and all he was told was, "Your son is a very lucky boy."
Dan made another fist however Cody calmly took hold of his hand and put it to his heart saying over and over,
"Let it go Dan, let it go. Cody's here to take you home to your family, let it go."
Dan looked blankly at him and sighed, his shoulders slumped, he apologized to the cop and we left.
Donny stayed with his mate, my guess is he was trying to make sense of it all then Tom and Trent arrived, they sat and were talking at length to them.
We arrived home and Luke and Tim were on the porch; Lukey was stroking Tim's back and whispering in his ear. They acknowledged us as we sat down at the outdoor table. I couldn't read Dan's face but he seemed calm, he wouldn't take his eyes off Tim who said quietly,
"I'm sorry Dad, I'm so sorry."
Dan took a deep breath and said,
"It's time you grew up Tim, cuteness isn't going to work anymore, you need to start being a man, have you any idea how much we worry about you?"
He looked at Codes and said, "It's time to tell him Codes, we need to tell him."
Cody knew what he meant and nodded his consent then went inside to get something.
"What's going on dad, what do you need to tell me?" Tim asked.
"You need to read something and then go to bed, there will be no cuddles tonight I will be with Cody, I cant protect you both not tonight."
"I'll stay with him Dan while he reads it, you and Codes go to bed, can you try and get Cody to take a pill?"
"I'll try Luke but you know him, he will want to be with Tim."
"Dad I'm scared what's going on?"
"It's time for you to know something and in the process grow up."
He looked at Luke and then me perplexed and confused.
Cody came back with papers in his hand, he was hesitant to hand them over to his beloved son but he would soon see why they were so upset.
"What you are about to read is a witness statement I made many years ago, in it you may find the answer to why we are so upset with you at the moment, but know this Tim, I will not talk about it with you I don't want to start thinking on it again, but if you have any questions ask uncle Luke. Also, I will add that your dad and I love you so very much and only want the best for you. Goodnight son." Dan and Cody kissed Tim and us goodnight, I left Luke to sit with Timmy while he read the letter, he's going to be bloody tired in the morning, it was already eleven pm.
I stroked Tim's hair while he read the statement, I remembered the time I had read it not knowing what it was about until I saw Cody's signature. I could feel Tim tense up then he started to weep, he put the papers down and looked into my eyes. I said to him,
"Every minute of every day Dan has blamed himself for letting this happen, you see he was in love with Codes but too scared to tell him because he wanted to be straight. Cody suffered badly mentally and medically for years after and Dan's still suffering, there's nothing we can do for him. But there's something you can do and that's grow up a little and stop putting yourself in danger like you did tonight. Love will come to you Tim when it's ready to blossom, don't be so eager to give away something that is so precious to a lot of people. Now can we get some sleep honey, if you like I will stay with you."
Tim sniffled and said, "Thank you uncle Luke but it's just me tonight, I have a lot to think about."
"Night, night beautiful nephew,"
I said as I kissed his forehead, then I moved downstairs, undressed and crept under my beautiful Jamie's powerful arms crying. Jamie began kissing the back of my neck until I drifted off to sleep.
It started out a drizzly morning bleak and damp and everyone was feeling depressed, except Cody. At breakfast he announced that Tim was taking the day off school and the three of them were going to the store to have a look at Rory's new designs. Dan said he had to replace the door but he couldn't help but notice Cody playing non-stop with his little heart. Cody hadn't had a seizure for years ever since the stroke but he was forever on alert for signs of it returning. Today was no exception.
I wasn't feeling the best but I think it was because I hadn't slept much. I so wanted to hold my son and make him safe but Dan wouldn't let me, he watched me until I fell asleep sometime early in the morning. So I put my silly mood up to lack of sleep. I couldn't stop playing with my little heart, it was like a nervous twitch and I was addicted to just moving it back and forward.
Dan went to see where Luke and Jamie were and I was left alone with Tim. He looked at me with pleading eyes and said, "I'm so sorry dad, I'm so sorry."
I took his hand in mine and stroked it.
"It's all right baby, we are the Lawrence's so we get it sorted sooner or later."
Luke and Jamie came up looking refreshed.
Luke absentmindedly put his hand on my forehead and kissed my cheek while Jamie fussed about making them some scrambled eggs. Breakfast at our place never changed.
There was a knock on the porch door, it was Donny and Trent. Donny was a mess, he looked at Tim and started crying. Tim got up and took his hand and they walked out the front and sat on the swing. They were talking at least and after awhile I spied them hugging then Donny got up and walked down the beach.
Tim just sat there watching him. I noticed that night Donny's name was re-added to the birthday list. Trent pulled Dan aside and they were deep in conversation then Dan got Jamie involved. They were looking at me like I didn't exist anymore then the penny dropped, I realized they were all watching me and I felt uncomfortable. I went to use the bathroom and while I was washing my hands Tim came in and asked what was wrong. I replied,
"Don't worry sweetheart, they think I'm going to have a meltdown. One day we will sit down and I will continue the story you read last night because that's all it was honey, a story. It happened but it's over now and has been for a long time, now why don't you go get your jacket on and we can go see uncle Rory at the shop."
I walked out grabbing my coat from the oak hallstand then walked over to Dan to say goodbye.
He pulled me down onto his lap and started kissing my neck while he whispered in my ear, "You going to be okay Squirt?"
"Yes baby, we won't be long, maybe we can go for a nap when I get home, I think we all need one." I wiggled my eyebrow.
He smiled and said, "We need to talk later."
"Okay see you in a couple," I said.
I started the car and drove into town where Tim and I had a great time trying on Rory's new range of clothes, we ended up with three outfits each and two for Dan that I thought he might like. He smsed me several times with silly questions and I knew he was just checking up on me.
Rory was his same old self, we had coffee while Tim had his hair trimmed and I got him up to speed on what happened. He apologized for not being there but they had a visit from some school kid. I started to laugh because out of all the silly things Dan and I did, the school kid just kept coming back. (Oh, and that bloody surfer dude guy.)
He was very supportive when I told him about the letter and concerned when I told him how it came about. "My god Codes he's so gorgeous, he's a sitting shot for predators, he's too trusting."
"Well, he has to grow up fast if he's going to survive the gay scene Rory, I am terrified something's going to happen to him."
"It won't Codes, it's a bugger that Donny isn't gay, there's a lot of protective muscle in that kid," he giggled.
"Well apparently Donny knew Tim was gay, I'm guessing Donny's not so we have to try and steer Tim in another direction. Dan's pissed off big time, if we had known earlier about Donny instead of assuming they would become boyfriends we could have maybe stopped this crap before it started."
"Well Codes, give Donny some more time, he may surprise you." (What that's the second time I've heard that statement.)
"Oh no you don't Rory, don't make that remark without elaborating on it, what do you know?" I replied.
"Nothing Squirt, just a feeling that's all."
I left it at that but couldn't help wondering what he meant by that little snippet of news.
Driving home I told Tim to give Donny a chance, friendships are for life and whatever the outcome he will always be there for him. He changed the subject by saying he remembered the burns on my back but only slightly remembered the scars. He was talking about his back but we never told him that story only that his mum had passed away and she wanted us to look after him.
He seemed happy with that at the time so we never pushed the subject with him. I looked over and smiled gripping his hand in mine.
We cooked toasted sandwiches when we got home. Tim helped and after eating we showed Dan our new outfits then I suggested we all have a nap. Dan was first to leave and when I arrived at the bedroom door he was under the doona leaning on one elbow and patting my side. I very quickly stripped off and was in his arms in no time, he made love to me gently and I was just about legless by the time he finished. His afterglow radiated warmth and love, as we drifted off to sleep.
He told me later that Donny had stayed at the police station with his mate whose brother worked there. He eventually spoke to them and said Peter and his mates had a small history of gay bashing, he told them he liked Tim and just wanted him to be one of his mates. Becky had told him that Tim was feeling a bit alone so he thought he would cheer him up, he didn't know and doesn't know Tim was gay, it really wasn't on his radar. The police warned him to stay away from minors or he will get a reputation he didn't ask for.
It could have been so different though. I was relieved but Dan and I still drove him to school some days and Donny walked him home to our door. They seem to be back on track even sharing a joke or two. Donny was looking happy again, his aggression had disappeared overnight and Tim got the spring back into his step. But I could still tell he was lonely, many nights we held him and tried to convince him his knight in shining armor would turn up.
A funny thing happened when Tom and Trent were over for dinner to discuss some charity business, the boys were playing a game on the computer when I called them. Tim went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and he opened his legs right in front of everyone and leant over the breakfast bar. He was looking for the dish cloth to wipe up a small spill.
His shorts fell below his crack and gave everyone a photo moment. I heard Donny hiss and he said very firmly through gritted teeth, "Tim."
"What Donny?" Butter wouldn't melt in my kid's mouth.
"You're doing the leg spread thing again, cut it out, everyone's just had a good look at your crack."
Tim giggled pulling the back of his shorts up and said, "Sorry everyone, it wasn't deliberate."
"When you did it in the canteen at school the other day everybody was talking about you."
"Let them talk, I didn't do it on purpose," he replied.
"Well cut it out," Donny growled.
He turned to me and said, "He thinks it's cool to show his crack to all the kids at school, it gets a bit boring after awhile."
I could see Donny was pissed off and before he blew his stack I realized there was something there I hadn't seen for a long time, a certain footballer gave me a really bad talking to over much the same thing years ago, he was jealous and wanted me to cover up, I smiled at Donny and said,
"I was told once that it was a gay thing Donny, he needs to shock people."
"Well it's still not right."
I looked up at Dan and he was smiling and winked at me.
We had a great night and after everyone left we had another talk to Tim.
He said it was for Donny, he wanted to show him what he's missing out on and then he giggled.
"Only teasing him dads, he gets really mad when I do it at school. When I did it the other day he never said anything just threw a chair across the canteen."
We told him that maybe it's not a good idea to do that at school, people will get the wrong idea like they might think your a slut or something.
Tim always had Donny to fight his battles but he's got to realize that Donny won't always be there for him, he's got to pull himself together.
While I was getting ready for bed I bent over to untie my shoelaces and gave Dan a great look at my crack. He groaned and pulled me onto the bed where he proceeded to tickle me with his ample one eyed monster. Feeling well and truly fucked I nestled into my man's big arms, he was kissing my head and I was playing with his awesome ass, running my fingers up and down his crack.
"Codes, you've already fucked me like about ten times and you want more?"
"Not really Codes but if you want to then you can, but I'm really tired at the moment, I just need to be kissed."
"Okay Dan, maybe tomorrow."
"Sure, tomorrow Codes."
"Codes you awake?"
"Umm, yes Dan."
"Can you fuck me the day after tomorrow, I got to do a photo shoot tomorrow."
"Sure Dan, anytime you want it I'm up for it."
"Dan, you still awake?"
"Whose the photo shoot for?"
"I think it's for a bedding company."
"Oh underwear shots again Dan."
"No Codes you know I don't do them, they want me nude with towels and sheets draped over my body."
"Oh that's okay then Dan."
"Cody did you hear what I just said?"
"Yes Dan, I love you, go to sleep."
"Goodnight Codes, I love you more."
"Fucking nude shots, what a dreamer," I mumbled into his ear.
My giggles started as I tickled him.
He started then.
Sleep came late that night.