And You Think YOU Had A Bad Day!
© 2015 by Roland
'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.' Oh who the hell am I kidding, it was the worst of times. It would be easier to say that my dog or cat died, but no... it's worse than that. My fucking GOLDFISH ran away. I'm not kidding either. One morning I left for school, then next thing I know... he's gone. No one else was home, and I really doubt there is some goldfishnapper out there. Tell me... how bad does someones life have to suck for the god damned goldfish to say 'fuck it! I'm outta here!' I mean, really?
So yeah, I'm sitting at home, Saturday night, nothing to do. No friends to go out with, no one to invite me to a party, nothing. At least my bitch of a mom ain't home, or throwing one of her all night orgies here. Those are always so much fun. Let me ask you this. How scarred do you think I'm gonna be when I grow up? Huh?
Most parents are the ones telling their kids to turn down the music. Me? I'm BEGGING my mother to turn the music UP, just so I can't hear her screaming 'FUCK ME HARDER!!!!' I swear I'm gonna make a shrink rich some day.
Oh yeah! DUH! You're probably wondering who this whiney ass little bitch is. Well the names Cole Brighton. Fucked up name huh? Well I have heard worse I guess. I mean the first name ain't bad, but Brighton... that sounds so... posh. And let me tell you something... Posh is NOT a word I would use to describe me.
Back to me then. Lets see, I just turned seventeen, even though I'm a fucking twerp. Five foot seven, on a good day. Hundred and thirty pounds... if I ate a lot the night before. I got glasses, acne, the whole nine yards. And by the way, what the fuck does that mean anyways? The whole nine yards of... Whoever came up with that statement needs to finish the damned thing!
Anyways... oh yeah, I to tend to get off track at times. They say it's a mark of genius, I say ADH fucking D Man! I mean come on, I got the attention span on an inch worm! HEY LOOK! OHHH SHINEY! Of course, just to prove to you how weird I really am. I can't sit down for more then a few minutes without wanting to go stir crazy. TV? HAH! Video Games... BORING!!! Movies. Hell I have more fun watching people make out then I do watching a movie. But now, put a book in my hands... the world will disappear for hours!
Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Fiction, non-Fiction... love em all. Hell I was bored one time and read the bible. Let me tell you, that was one the best fantasy novels I ever read! I mean people really believe that shit? Don't get me wrong, I know there's a higher power out there. There's gotta be. And he/she or it's got a HELL of a sense of humor. Just look at all this shit going on in the world. I mean could someone have written a better sit com? I don't think so.
But you wanna know the biggest fucking joke of them all? I'll tell you. Last weekend. Decided to get away from one of my mom's all night fuck fests. So I went out. Yeah I know... all the stories you hear about kids going out in the middle of the night. Meeting up with something that 'goes bump in the night'... bullshit. Or so I thought.
So here I was walking down to the park, middle of the night. Got my latest book with me, the fourth book in the Sword of Truth Series. Great set of stories. I don't know how many times I wanted to be Richard Rhal. Massively powerful War Wizard! Gets the most beautiful girl, and this cool ass sword. Yeah that would be the life.
Anyways, walking down the street, minding my own business, when BAM! I run into a brick wall. Or at least what I thought was a brick wall. But it wasn't... just a guy built like a brick wall. I looked up, and up, and up, and finally saw the face of this particular brick wall looking down at me with a huge grin. Not a humorous one either. The kind of one that makes you wanna shit yourself. I actually think I may have. Not sure, but I do know a bit of a trickle came out the front. You know that they say... "There's a guy I wouldn't wanna meet in a dark alley way." Well standing in front of me was the poster child for that saying.
So I backed up, stuttering out an apology of some sort. When he just grinned even larger. 'That's it... I'm dead...' Yup... that's what ran through my head. I tried to turn around, but the man was fast. He reached out, grabbed me, and laughed when I dropped my book. At this point, I ain't afraid to say it. I pissed myself. No shame. None what so ever. My asshole puckered so loudly I heard it, and my bladder said 'fuck this... everyone out!'
So there I was, being held by the bastard son of Andre the Giant and Atilla the Hun. When things got even worse! 'How could they get worse?' Well I'm so glad you asked. Let me tell you how they got worse. He grinned again, and I got the pleasure of watching his K-9s grow. Yup.. you heard me, his fucking teeth grew, until he had fangs!
'Hey lookie! LUNCH!' The guy said, or something really witty like that. Oh yeah.. this is about the time that I did shit myself. Which of course, just made the guy grin more. I think I tried to scream... I mean I wanted to, but... well I now understand the term scared stiff. And no, you sick bastards... I ain't talking about that.
So he leaned down to bite my neck... doing the whole Dracula... 'I Vant to suck your blood!' routine. Just about the time his fangs dug into my neck, I did scream. But I did something more than that. I guess my life wasn't fucked up enough before. Nope... not at all. When the dudes fangs broke my skin, I felt something inside me snap. Next thing I knew I was screaming in pain, not because of the fangs ripping my neck open, and drinking the vital fluids from my veins. No, it was worse then that. I felt my bones snapping, then reforming. I felt hair grow on places that should not have hair, and my ears... okay, with everything I got going on at this point, most people might think this is somewhat insignificant, but to me the most fucked up part was feeling my ears grow and then move to the top of my head. Hell feeling my face extend into a muzzle wasn't as bad. The tail popping out of my ass... that's up there on the WTF scale, but the ears... that was the most fucked up thing I think I ever felt.
Thinking back on it, I wonder who was more surprised, Mr. Brick Shit House, or me? Probably he was, at least till my claws... yeah I know... claws... but I had them. Anyways. He looked shocked till my claws came up and ripped part of his face off. No seriously! I ain't joking here. I felt my hand slash across the dude's face, and part of it came off. It was kinda gross, and kinda cool all at the same time.
Oh yeah. This would be a good time to mention another totally fucked up thing. I was looking down on the dude. I mean sometime during the time I started growing fur all over, my ears moving... shudder... and the tail coming out... I grew like four foot taller. And the muscles I got... well lets just say... eat your heart out Arnold. These fuckers are mine!
Anyways, back to the pointy toothed freak... no wait.. the OTHER one. You know that one I just took half the face off of? Yeah him. So anyways, he turned to try and run, and I was like. 'oh no you don't!' I reached out, grabbed the dudes head, and yanked.
You know, all the books I've read where someone rips the head off of someone else? Lets just say, I haven't found one that does it justice. I had expected a sick sucking sound like pulling the piece of fruit out of the jello bowl, but nope. It was more like a ripping of wet sand paper... then 'POP', off it came. It's was actually kinda gross now that I think about it.
So yeah. Thats how I found out I'm a werewolf. Hows that for a fucked up day?