by TA (Terry)
I'm holding David in my arms, pressing my hand against the stab wound, calling the cops on my cell phone, telling David that it will be okay and please don't die because he's my whole world. I'm covered in his blood, there's so much blood I can't stop it all. I can't stop it, but I finally hear sirens, then the cops are there pointing guns. I give them David and they're still yelling at me. The ambulance drives away with David…the sirens seemed to have never stopped. hey grab me, handcuff me, then put me in the cop car, and I can't stop crying. Why do I have to watch so many people die? Please God, not David, God, please not David.
It's was late that evening when the police released me. They checked me out six ways to Sunday before they reluctantly come to believe me. I understood their position ... I was the logical suspect. Even I would have arrested me. I fucking couldn't stop crying at the police station and I guess I weirded them out. I know that I weirded me out.
I've seen friends hurt and even killed before, close friends too, but when I saw David like that, man, that just really threw me. It was like I dropped into this other world. The thought of losing that little fucker just tore my soul in half. It scared me afterwards too. I mean, a few days ago I would have said that no one could have that effect on me and now.
I like belong to this other person and I don't have any control over the situation. No control… now that's scary.
I walked around before I went to the hospital. I mean I didn't know if I could handle this loss of control and the responsibility, but in the end I knew that there was no way I could resist going to David. The man had made a fundamental change in me, without him I would be always searching for the half of me that would be missing.
At the hospital David was still unconscious, but I was allowed to sit by his bed in the ICU and hold his hand. The knife had penetrated his liver, but the surgeons had been able to repair it and they were trying to replace some of the blood he'd lost.
I still hadn't changed clothes, but had cleaned myself up as much as possible in the john. David's face was bruised, but that was the only sign that anything had happened, at least that was visible above the covers. I talked quietly to him, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to respond and maybe not even hear me at all. It felt so good to just be able to hold his hand, it felt warm and, well… normal. He looked so peaceful and I marveled again at how handsome he was, how perfect. I told him that I loved him and I promised him that if he'd just get well that I'd see to it that no one ever hurt him again.
It was a promise that I meant to keep.
It was never even a question of whether or not I would kill whoever did this to David, it was only a question of time.
I must have fallen asleep with my head on David's bed. Near morning he was waking up and the cops came in and hauled me out of there. I understood that they wanted to talk to David before I got a chance to speak to him, but leaving him was hard to do.
About ten o'clock that morning they let me back in to see David. I walked over to him and took his face in my hands.
"I'm so fucking sorry, David, I'm so sorry." The tears were streaming down my face and I was on the verge of totally losing it again.
He pulled me down to kiss him. "Mark, please don't fucking cry. If you start, then I'll cry too. So let's don't go there." He looked at me and asked. "Why are you sorry? I mean I'll be okay. It's okay, Mark, really. Please don't cry." He was holding my hands as I held his face.
"I should have been there, David. If I'd been there this wouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry."
"Mark, if you'd been there it's true it wouldn't have happened, not then at least. But, Mark, it would have still happened, just not then." He was wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "God, I fucking love you. Mark, I need to tell you everything that happened that caused all this and a lot of other things."
"I can't tell you the guys name cause the cops made me promise not to. You know, those assholes still want to think you did this. Well anyway, I went to high school with this guy. Remember I told you that I went to two high schools and how bad the first one was - this guy was the reason. Anyway, when I was a freshman and just starting to understand that I was gay and how I was gonna deal with it this guy found out. Well, I told him actually. Anyway, he knew and I thought he was cool with it. I mean, he never said anything bad, at least not at first. I thought, 'Wow this is cool, my straight friend thinks it's okay that I'm gay.' Well that's what I thought anyway."
I'd been sitting on David's bed watching him talk and holding his hand. "Now, Mark, this is the bad part and I don't want you to go ballistic." He took both of my hands in his. "Remember, Mark, that what I'm going to tell you is over, it's done and it can't be undone."
"David, if you don't hurry up and fucking tell me, I will go ballistic."
"One day after PE class he raped me. I'm not going into the details because they're not important. After it was over, he apologized to me. He said he didn't know what came over him and he was really sorry, and I believed him. The weird thing is that the more I thought about it the more I was able to excuse it because, at least the last part of it felt pretty good.
Oh, don't fuckin' look at me like that, I was fourteen for God's sake! Anyway, I guess that I convinced myself that I was in love with him. I know it's fucking stupid, but that's what happened. My mistake was in telling him, because he just went crazy. A couple of his friends had heard me and they started making fun of him - it really got outta control. A few days later, they caught me after school. Well, you saw the scars on my back. That's where they came from."
I was forcing my mind into a place where this might not hurt so bad. "What did they do, David?" Why the fuck did I need to hear this?
"They beat me with chains. They beat me until apparently they thought I was dead. But I survived and I thought that it was over. I mean, I thought that after doing what they did and me not telling the cops who did it, I thought that it would be over. But it wasn't over, even after I changed schools. He would get drunk every month or two and come after me. I understand now what was driving him and it's pretty sad actually that it's haunted him for so long."
I had to get moving. The cops would know the guys name and if I couldn't get it out of them there would have to be something in the paper from the time it happened. If not that, then someone who had been in school at that time would have a name. That was all I needed … a name. I pulled my hands slowly from David's and began to back away. Thinking of it now, I must have been totally nuts to have even been thinking like that, but David does that to me still. I was almost to the door.
"Hey!" David yelled and put a hand to his side in pain. "Revenge Boy! Get your ass back here!" He was jabbing his finger at me. "You are not to fucking touch him!" I just stared at him, not sure what he really meant. "Get back here…now!" He was pointing at the bed. I walked back and sat down.
He took my hand. "Mark, I know what you're planning." And then with some exasperation, "Look, I fucking love you, but I don't want to be sitting at work wondering if my boyfriend is out killing the waiter from last night because we got bad service. I hate violence. I also know that you feel the need to protect me. Mark, I can't tell you how fucking good that makes me feel." David looked at me with tears in his eyes. "But the fucking way that you protect me best is to hold me in your arms and tell me that I'm not alone anymore … that you'll always be there for me." He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face.
"Can you do that?"
"Oh yes, David, I can do that. Honest to god, I can do that better than anyone."
"You feeling okay, babe?" I took the plastic bag full of David's personal stuff from him with one hand and pulled him to me for a hug with the other. I was trying to be very gentle because his incision wasn't totally healed and I was going to be treating him with kid gloves until it was.
"Yeah, Mark, I'm good." Then he smiled up at me and touched his forehead to my chest and said. "God, you smell good."
"Unnh uh." I put my hand on the back of his neck. "No sex stuff for you, buddy, not until you're healed. The most exciting thing we're gonna be doing for the next week is holding hands. Okay, and maybe kissing." I was rubbing the back of his neck and he kind of rolled his head back against my hand.
"I know," he whined, "you just feel so fucking good is all." Then more seriously, "I know, hun, I won't do anything stupid. the doctor told me all the crap that can happen. I'll be good. Let's just get the fuck out of this hospital." Then touching his forehead to my chest again, "If you're good, I'll show you my scar." He smiled up at me and those million watt emerald green eyes flashed with humor. God, could I love this man any more?
After the nurse wheeled David to the main entrance in a wheelchair, we walked out into a beautiful late June day. David was as happy as a puppy being out of the hospital, but he was walking deliberately and obviously very aware of his surgery. I had brought him fresh clothing to wear home, because of course what he had on during the attack had been covered in blood. His pretty little butt looked gorgeous in the Dockers I'd brought him. When we finally got in my car and had some measure of privacy, we turned to each other simultaneously and said. "I love you." We laughed, then David tried to bend towards me, but when he grimaced, I stopped him with my hand. "Just turn your head, babe, don't lean, let me do the moving." He did and we kissed, but I kept my hand on his shoulder, holding him from moving too much.
I knew that I could make too much of this moment and I didn't want to get too emotional, there had already been enough crying, so I just sat back and started the car. After we got on the road to my house, I put my hand over David's and squeezed it. He immediately wrapped his hand around mine. We stayed that way until we reached home. Because of the memories associated with David's house, we decided to stay at mine and decide later what to do about his. I know that I didn't care where I was living as long as I was with David.
I held the door for David and touched his back with my hand as he walked past me into the living room. He stopped, turned and walked back into my arms. I wrapped my arms gently around him as he laid his head on my chest.
"You're safe, David." I rubbed his back feeling him under the light shirt. "He's gone and there's nothing else to hurt you." I kissed the side of his head. I could feel his heart beating and feel his warm breath coming through my shirt.
"I know … I know I'm safe. It's just the whole emotional thing of the last week. A little overwhelming is all." He gripped me tighter and spoke into my chest. "I didn't want him dead. I mean even after all that's happened over the years. I mean he was sick, crazy, but I didn't want him dead."
"I know you didn't, baby." I was stroking the back of his head. "He made that decision, not you. What's important now is that you get well. We gotta get you all healed." I wrapped his head in my hands. "Right, baby?"
"Yeah, right. I will. I'll be good and get all healed." He pulled back and looked up at me. "Promise me something?"
"As soon as I'm well you'll fuck my brains out." A shy little grin and those flashing emerald green eyes again.
I took his head in both of my hands and kissed him deeply. "We'll fuck all night every night, sweetheart. You won't be able to fucking sit for months."
"Good. Then you must still think I'm hot."
"The hottest, babe. But right now we gotta put the thought of fucking outta our minds and get you settled. I don't think that on your first day home you should be on your feet this much. What I could do, if you promise not to turn it into a sex romp, is give you a back rub."
"Oh fuck, yes! I'd love a back rub!"
"Okay let's go into the bedroom and get you into shorts or something, then I'll do my backrub thing." I took his hand and walked slowly with him into our bedroom. I could tell that he was getting worn out, but the backrub wouldn't hurt, then he could sleep.
We both stripped down to our boxers and I got behind him on the bed and began massaging his shoulders. I wished I had thought to pick up some oil of some sort, but I hadn't. David didn't seem to notice. After about fifteen minutes he was beginning to nod off and I just lowered him gently to the bed. His head was resting on my arm as I pulled the sheet up over us. I watched him sleep for a while and then drifted off myself.
I woke up after an hour or so because David was whimpering in his sleep and fighting and unseen enemy. I guess I could figure out who that might be. I began stroking his hair and, as always, it calmed him right away. How long would the nightmares continue? I couldn't imagine. I still have mine occasionally.
When I awoke again David was lying kind of half on my chest with his arm around me.
"You awake, babe?"
"How are your stitches?"
"Horny." A little laugh and he hugs me tighter.
"I see, your stitches are horny, but how are you?"
"Horny." David licks my right nipple.
"Oh, babe, no! Come on! You know you can't do that yet." I turn his face up to mine. "You know how bad I want to do it too. But you have to have time to heal. You know what the fuckin doctor told you." I bend my head down and we almost get our lips to meet.
"I know, I'll be good." He smiled up at me. "But I'm still horny."
I sat up in bed and said. "Well, let me think about it. You know there's a doctor in the Army who's still a good friend of mine. I may have an idea." I jumped out of bed. "Where the fuck would I have his number. I think he was headed to Fort Ord." I walked quickly back to the bed where David was sitting up. "Sweetheart, I would feel lots better if you would try just lying there and resting." I held up my hand to silence his protests. "I know you don't fucking want to, but that doc scared the shit outta me with all the crap that can go wrong." I pushed him lightly back down with me kissing him all the way. "David I know that I may be being overly protective here but," I could feel myself choking up, "you're the most important thing in my life now, baby. Please do this for me, babe." I kissed his closed eyes. "Please!"
David looked up at me and spoke seriously. "I wish I had known you when we were both little boys. We could have fished together and gone camping." He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair. "We could have slept over at each others' houses and watched TV together and screwed around with each others' cars and learned to play pool together and then one night we would have slept over and things would have gone further. You would have kissed me and I would have kissed you back, then we would have beat off together. Eventually you would have made love to me while my legs would be wrapped around a seventeen year old Mark. We'd be in love and we'd have spent our whole lives together." I felt a tear running down my face, but I ignored it. "Mark, if you want me to rest, then it's a done deal. You said that I'm the most important thing in your life. I wish I could tell you what you've become to me. There wasn't even a me until you came along - you're everything to me."
There were tears running down David's face. I leaned forward and wrapped him gently in my arms. I kissed him and held him.
I few minutes later I got up and eventually found the doc's phone number, or actually the number that would get me his. Ten minutes later I was talking to him and he confirmed what I thought might be the case. David could have sex as long as he didn't use his stomach muscles. That of course ruled out fucking, but the doc had suggested something that would be safe and fun. He had been the only guy in the Army that had known that I was gay. I always kinda thought that he might be too, but it never went beyond that.
I went to the linen closet and got the two extra pillows there and then to the living room to get the pillows off the sofa. I took them all back to the bedroom.
"Okay, here's the plan." David rolled on his side and looked at me. "Paul, that's my doctor friend, says that it's not the actual getting off that could hurt where they operated, it's any movement of the liver itself. Apparently, while you're healing the tissue that was cut is mending itself back together and it's any shock to those delicate fibers that needs to be avoided. So anyway, this is what he suggested. We're gonna build a little platform out of pillows that you can lie on. Your own weight will then help to keep everything in place and stable." David was beginning to look excited. "You can put fucking out of your mind. Paul says that too many things are involved, including an eight inch dick going up your butt, to even consider it until the end of the week.
"Okay, move over." I piled up the pillows into a rectangular pile about eighteen inches wide and forty inches long and maybe twenty four inches high.
"You ready?" David was all but bouncing up and down.
"Your bet. What do I do?"
"Well, for starters, loose the boxers." David rolled slowly onto his back and stripped them off … he was totally hard.
"Okay you're gonna lay on the little platform we got here with only your dick and legs hanging off." David climbed onto the pillows. "Now rest your head on your hands and don't move. Remember, one of the keys here is that I'm gonna do all of the work. You just lie there and stay still."
"Is this right? Am I the way you want me?" David's voice was a little muffled
"God, babe, you look so fucking hot!" I was slowly jerking my cock. If I had wanted to I could have cum right then from looking at David's hot ass.
David started to rise up and I had to push him back down. "No, babe, absolutely flat and try to relax." And remember, no matter what you feel me doing, don't tense your muscles and don't try to get up."
I started by rubbing my hands over David, starting with the back of his neck, which I massaged deeply with both of my thumbs. Then I started sweeping lightly down his back with my hands making as much light contact as possible. David was beginning to make little sounds, not quite moans but getting there. Then I lightly rubbed his legs and finally started to focus on his beautiful ass. I lightly bit the mounds of his butt and started to slowly spread his cheeks, licking and blowing and going very slowly. David was beginning to make the 'David sound', but very softly. I continued to work my way in towards his hole, licking, blowing, and taking soft little bites. David's cock was sticking straight down and pressing against the pillows. I took a hand towel and put it between his dick and the sheets and then returned to his butt. When I finally zeroed in on his hole, I used only my tongue and licked in circles to the center of his hole. Then I started to lick down the back of his dick, nibbling just a little on the very sensitive skin.
The precum was running out of David's dick in a steady stream and I scooped up a bunch of it and coated my entire palm with it. Then I started to lick David's hole again and used my lubed hand to start stroking David's cock. "Annngh, annngh, annngh!" Were the sounds coming from David steadily.
"Mark, I'm gonna fucking cum. Oh, Mark, oh fuck, oh fuck."
David shot so hard that it splashed. I caught the following shots in my hand and used David's cum as lube to jack myself off. It didn't take much, especially knowing that I was using David's cum, for me to shoot myself. While David was filling the towel with his cum, I was coating David's ass with my cum. God, how I wanted to fuck him!
Once the aftershocks in David's body stopped, I helped him get off the pillows and lie on his back with a couple of the pillows under his head. I laid down next him on my stomach and looked into his pretty green eyes.
"So I take it that was okay? I mean you were shooting cum like a fucking firehose." I leaned over and kissed his chest.
"It was fantastic. God, I needed to cum. It's been a week, no, more than a week - anyway I was horny as hell.
'You're always horny as hell." I smiled at him. "Not that I'm complaining you understand. I like having you horny. But do you suppose I could get a real nap out of you now?" I climbed up next to him and kissed him. "Please babe? This is your first day home and I don't want you getting sick."
"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" David's black hair had fallen over his forehead and his emerald green eyes looked tired.
"I sure will, hon." David snuggled next to me. We were lying right next to each other, I felt his hand take mine and we fell asleep holding hands.
The next day David and I set out to do some food shopping and then a trip to his house to pick up some more of his clothes and a few other things that he needed.
We were shopping in our local supermarket, I was picking up some vegetables while David wandered ahead into the next aisle. When I turned the corner I could see him at the other end of the aisle. He was standing there examining a can of something, dressed in his favorite tan Docker's and a pale blue polo type shirt, and it just struck me that this guy belonged to me. I mean, I already knew that, but this was the first time that it really hit home. That handsome, sexy guy down there was mine. He wasn't a fantasy or a figment of my imagination, this was a real man, my real man and he loved me. He fucking loved me!
I pushed the cart up right behind David, leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Hey, buddy! Wanna fuck?"
"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not nice to tease horny guys?" David looked at me, tilting his head and shoving his hands in his pockets. "And isn't this 'thou shalt not fuck' punishment about over?"
We kind of ambled past the racks of soup and I said. "Well you know, actually tomorrow. Tomorrow is gentle fuck Wednesday, if you behave yourself and take it easy."
David was rummaging through the shopping cart. "Spinach! I can't fucking believe you're buying spinach! What the hell are you gonna do with that?"
"I'm feeding that to my boyfriend. I was gonna say my fucking boyfriend, but we still have to see how he behaves." David was rolling his eyes in mock disgust.
"Well, if you want me to eat that shit, you'd better drape it over your dick."
"I could do that. I could definitely do that." I walked behind David and discreetly palmed his ass. "Are you doing okay?" I asked seriously.
"I'm doing good. Mark, don't worry so much… well, maybe I'm a little tired." I could see it and something more in his eyes.
"Well hang in there, babe, this is our last stop. I just have to check out and we're gone. Do you wanna go sit in the car? Here, babe, take the keys. I'll be there in a second."
David took the keys and headed toward the car. I watched his ass as he walked away. Fucking incredible!
I finished up inside, carried the bags out to the car and put them in the trunk. David was in the passenger seat with it partially reclined. I climbed in and looked at him for a bit, then I reached over and put my hand on his crotch. He was hard and he smiled.
"You're not supposed to tease horny guys you know." He was smiling kind of a lazy smile.
"Would you believe that someone just told me that not ten minutes ago?" I turned in the seat to face him. "Sometimes, David, this is probably gonna sound really dumb, but sometimes I just have to convince myself that you're real."
He laughed out loud. "You too? I know what you mean. When I was getting out of the shower this morning and saw you standing there naked shaving, it was just like I had to shake my head for a second." He reached over and lightly touched my face with the tips of his fingers. "For a moment I just couldn't believe that you were real." He blinked his eyes and turned to face forward. His head was bent down and his black hair had fallen over his forehead. Then he said very quietly. "Don't ever leave me. I mean," he turned to look at me, "I don't think I could deal with that." Then he put his hands to his face. "Fuck, I can't believe I said that. Shit! How fucking needy is that?"
I reached over and took his hand. "David you're allowed to be needy with me. It's okay to tell me what you're afraid of, I won't use it as ammo, and how could I ever be bothered by you needing me? I need you too. Remember, I love you and that isn't going to change.
"Now do you suppose we could get the fuck home? I want a two hour nap outta you when we get home and no more whining."
David rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and turned forward in his seat. "You've got a deal." Then he looked at me kind of sheepishly. "Can I tell you something? I mean there's something that you did today…well, I don't think you've ever done it before." He stopped talking and had this weird look on his face like he wished he'd never started talking.
I looked at him. "What, David? Tell me. David, you can tell me anything." I was trying to think what I might have done that would have upset him and I was a little bothered that he hadn't said anything at the time. He was twisting his fingers. I reached over and held his hands. "Talk to me, damn it!"
"Oh fuck, it's not a bad thing." He turned to me and was smiling now. "You know that I'm not shy. I would have told you if you did something I didn't' like." David was actually beginning to blush and He ducked his head.
I was smiling now. "Then it was a good thing? A thing you liked?" I couldn't think what it might be.
"Okay, here it is." He laid his head back on the seat and was talking to the roof of the car. "I don't know why this is so hard to say, but anyway, when we were in there looking at the soup or some shit you came up next to me and you kinda grabbed my butt."
"And you liked that? That felt good?" I couldn't see the big deal. "Wait! Is that why you were hard when I got in the car?"
He nodded his head and laughed in an embarrassed way. "It made me feel, oh fuck, I don't know … like you were taking possession of my ass or some shit like that." He turned to look at me. "Can we not talk about this now?"
"Well, now you've got me hard too, but yeah, we don't have to talk about it…not right now anyway." I leaned over and kissed him. I whispered to him. "God, I wish this was Wednesday." I started the car and then turned to look at David. "You're mine, you know."
"I know, I know! Will you just fucking drive the car?" I don't think he realized it, but David was squeezing his dick.
I think we both deliberately kept the conversation light on the way home. David because he was still a little embarrassed and I, because I was thinking about what he'd told me. I knew what he was telling me, but I also knew that I had better go slow. I also knew that he had told me something very important, something that was key to the sexual side of our relationship, and I took it very seriously.