Castle Roland

Journey of Love

by The Journeyman


Chapter 13

Posted: N/A

We were out driving today when we came upon an accident. Not a serious one. More of a fender bender. But the people from one car were sitting on the curb and an EMT was looking after them. A couple of cuts it looked like. No big thing. But I had a panic attack. Absolute and total. I damn near wet my pants. I started to shake. The tears flowed from my eyes. I couldnt catch my breath. My lover pulled over and tried to calm me. He tried to get me out of the car. But I couldnt let go of the shoulder belt. I clung to it. I closed my eyes and just shouted "NO" over and over. He finally got back in and drove me home as fast as he could. In the driveway I finally let go, and when he opened the door I fell out onto the concrete. He just let me lay there till I could get up; it didnt take long. Then we walked back into the house. He put me in bed for a while and sat on the edge of the bed stroking my hair.

I thought I was making progress.


Kyle was the first one awake. He didnt let the rest of us sleep.

"Wake up, you lazy butts," he called out, standing in his boxers and nothing else. The rest of us told him to shut the fuck up. Charlie didnt. He would soon enough, though. He just didnt use "fuck" yet. But there was no sense trying to sleep now.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Seven-thirty," Kyle answered.

We rolled out. Danny had the most trouble. He was sore again from what wed done. I hate it that love is painful like that. One person is experiencing overwhelming joy, and the other is under all the weight, legs spread open at an uncomfortable angle, with something inside that his body doesnt really want there. But he had insisted. He held me as I came down from the orgasm. He came, too. He kissed me and stroked my hair until my heart slowed. He wrapped his legs around me holding me inside him. I got what I needed, and I hoped he did, too.

It was chilly out and we all threw on sweatshirts. We took everything out of the tent and were getting ready to take it down, when the smell of bacon wafted into the back yard. Four teenage boys can raise a lot of hunger, and we forgot about the tent for the moment and headed inside. Mrs. Shaw was up, frying bacon and mixing up pancakes.

We laughed a lot during breakfast, just as we had last night. I was having a great time. Danny and I sat at one end of the table, and we were playing footsie. I was hard, and I bet Danny was, too. Greg finally stood up and said he was going to start taking the tent down. Danny, Kyle and Charlie had all asked for more pancakes, so I said Id come help him after I went to the bathroom. I had to go there to let my hardon go down a little.

In the back yard, Greg and I started taking the poles out of the tent sleeves and let the fabric fall to the ground. Then we each grabbed a hammer, and with the claw end started pulling up the stakes. We worked in silence, but I thought I caught him looking at me a couple of times. After we pulled up the last stake and had gathered them in one spot, he went to straighten out the tent fabric before folding it. He zipped the mosquito netting closed, then the front flap. He looked at me again.

"Did you guys go out last night?" he finally asked quietly.

I didnt answer for a moment. "Yeah," I said finally. "We couldnt sleep."

"I thought I heard someone get up, but I was whacked. I didnt know if I dreamt it or not. What did you do?"

"Looked at the stars." Not a total lie. But I was beginning to hate this. Greg, Kyle and Richie were almost as good a friends as Danny, or they had been. I hated lying to them.

"Thats all? Just looked at the stars?"

"Yep. They were beautiful."

"Why didnt you come wake me? I love the stars."

"I didnt know that."

"Yep. Its true. Sometimes I lie out on our picnic table at night watching the stars. Ive fallen asleep out there. Remember at your birthday party? You and Danny and I looked at the stars before you told me...."

"How come you never told me?"

"I thought I had. Anyway, when did you come back in?"

"Didnt you hear us?"


"Huh. I thought we made enough noise to wake the neighborhood."

"Not me. I didnt hear a thing." He looked at me and sorta bit his lip.

We folded the tent and had it in its carrying case by the time the rest of the guys came out. Mrs. Shaw came out too and said that since Greg and I had put the tent away, the other three had to police the back yard. They started picking up everything while Greg and I watched.

"Whats this?" Charlie asked, bending over. He came up with a tube of Vaseline. Oh, shit.

"Thats mine," Danny said quickly, grabbing it a little too forcefully from Charlie. "Ive got chapped lips." He squirted a bit onto his finger tip and spread it around his lips. I envied that finger at the moment.

When it was all picked up we all went home. The pickles had all been picked up. I mowed the lawn, washed Dads car, and picked up my room under strict orders from mom. About 3:00 I wandered back over to Dannys. He was picking up his room. Mrs. Shaw said he was in a pretty bad mood, and asked if I could go change his attitude. I just smiled at her.

"Fucking pig-stye," he said to himself as I let myself in.

"Hi," I said.

He grinned. Then looked around and frowned again. "I hate cleaning my room. I never know where to start."

"I do," I said, and rubbed him across the front of his shorts.

"Oh, yes, you do," he said, and I pinched a nipple lightly. He leaned in to kiss me and wrapped his arms around me. "Yes, this is a lot more fun."

"But it wont get your room cleaned, and then youll be grounded. And I cant stand that," I said breaking off the kiss. "That will be your reward for getting done."

"You prick," he said. "You cant come in here and tease me, then take it away."

"Im not taking it away. You can have it as soon as youre done. And Ill help."

"Shit," he said, but he went back to work. It was really a mess. It took both of us an hour, but we finally finished. We collapsed onto his bed, tired from the chores of the day and the lovemaking the night before. But not too tired. Once again we had to be quiet, but we did it. Using our mouths, we sucked each other to a quiet, satisfying orgasm, and fell asleep next to each other.

Sunday was church. We played a few games with Charlie, Kyle and Richie, and went to the movie in the late afternoon.

Monday was school. Uneventful. I got horny every time I saw Danny. By the end of the day, I wanted his cock in my mouth. I wanted to kiss him and squeeze him. Tuesday was horny...I mean the same except for one really cool thing. It happened. In gym class. Remember? Right after lunch? Mr. Dwimmer? Mr. Charles Dwimmer? Chuck? Up-chuck. Well, it happened! Im not kidding. They had Swedish meatballs in gravy, or whatever they called it, and Im telling you, they looked like small cannon balls. I didnt eat them. Neither did Danny, Greg, or Richie. Kyle did, but he eats anything. Anyway, this junior kid mustve eaten them too. Dwimmer had us jogging on the track in back of the school to get ready for some fitness test, when ERP! Clean-up in Lane Five. Hahahaha. It happened about 20 minutes into class, and we just went in a showered after that. Even Mr. Dwimmer stopped, and hes a runner.

We were still laughing about it after school. As we left the building, Becky came up to us and asked if wed like to come to her house Saturday night. It wasnt going to be a big party -- just some friends and their dates to watch a movie and play some pool. We all said it sounded like fun. She gave Kyle a quick kiss. Then she squeezed my hand and winked at me, and pulled me to her for a hug. With her mouth next to my ear she whispered, "You guys are doing great!" We broke the hug and I smiled at her and at Kyle. Danny and I didnt have weight training, and the five of us -- Danny, Kyle, Greg, Richie and me -- all walked home together. Danny kept bumping into me, acting goofy. But we were all acting goofy, which was weird for a Tuesday. Danny was making me horny. I mean, I already was horny, but he got my juices flowing and I was gonna pop a bone if I wasnt careful.

Ooops! I wasnt careful. "Hey, Justin, why are you carrying a banana home in your pocket? Forget to eat it at lunch?" "Wow, must be having some "growing" pains, huh?" "You happy to see me or is that a pistol in your pocket." All the juvenile things we said to each other. But this time it was evident. And they were merciless. Kyle, though, was silent. I decided I needed to talk to him.

His was the first house we came to. He said good-bye to the rest of us, and started up his driveway. I followed him.

"Kyle, man, wait up. I wanna talk to you."

He didnt answer.

"Kyle, man. Wait up."

"What do you want?" There was an edge to his voice.

"I wanna tell you its not what it looks like."

"Whats not what it looks like?"

"Becky and me."

"Really? She spends the day with you a couple of Saturdays ago. You talk to her on the phone. She gives you a hug and whispers something to you. What was that -- how shes about to break up with me? She wants you to wait for her? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Im not doing anything. Thats not what she said. She kissed you back there. She only hugged me. Kyle, she and Ive been friends since the second grade."

"Yeah, and you dated, too."

"We did not date, Kyle. We went to a few movies together. Hell, I used to play at her farm. But we arent dating and we have no plans to date."

He looked at me, and sat down on his doorstep. "Justin, she wont talk to me about you. I mean, she says shes talked to you on the phone, but she wont tell me what about. I really like her, Justin, and Im afraid Im going to lose her. To you."

"Youre not, Kyle," I said, with some sadness in my voice. "She wont tell you what we talk about cuz I asked her not to. Shes helping me through some really tough things. Weve always talked to each other, and shes one of the best friends I have. Almost as good as you guys are. Almost.

"Kyle, I wouldnt do that to you. Ive known you too long, and I like you too much. Becky is a friend, not a girl friend. Dont worry, Kyle. Youre doing fine with her. She likes you."

"She does? Whatd she say?"

"I cant tell you. But she likes you."

He smiled. "Thanks, Justin. I was getting worried."

"Go do your math homework." Kyle hates math. We both laughed.

As I walked in the house mom said, "Danny called. Said he needed some help with an English assignment."

English. Hmmm. That didnt make sense. We didnt have any homework.

"Okay. Can I go over now and help him?"

"Sure. Were going to eat about 6."

I ran over to Dannys and knocked on the door. No answer. I opened it and called his name.

"In my room, Justin."

I walked down the hallway and pushed his door open. My lover was standing in a pair of gym shorts, his hard cock pressing against them.

"Close the door, Justin." He didnt need to say it. I closed and locked it, then came to him, grasped him in my arms, and kissed him. We stood there kissing for several minutes, tongue wrestling. I could feel his lips and teeth, the inside of his cheeks and his tongue. I suddenly noticed that it felt coarse, something Id been too preoccupied to notice in all the times wed kissed before. I was trying to notice more about his body, the way hed noticed about mine for years. My arms were around him, and we kissed, moaning into each other's mouths as our heat increased. It took only moments for me to get as hard as he was.

When we broke the kiss his mouth went to my ear lobe. He sucked it into his mouth, and the tickle-thrill jolt went through my shoulder, to the small of my back and then zapped to the tip of my cock. Jeezuz it was strong. He did something with his teeth and tongue to my ear that had me leaking so much anyone watching would have thought Id cum. But I hadnt. He had me hot. Goose bumps covered my body and I wanted him to touch my penis.

His hands worked up the bottom of my T-shirt and he broke contact with my ear only long enough to whip the shirt over my head. Then he clamped back down and began his work again. His hands caressed my stomach, and then he slid them up until his thumbs found my nipples. The moment he started rubbing them my knees buckles. But Danny caught me, just as he had before so many times, emotionally if not physically. He lifted me over to the bed and laid me down. Then he took off my shoes and socks, sucking on the pinky toe of each foot just for a moment, slipped his hands under the waistband of my shorts to untie the draw string, and slowly pulled the shorts and my boxers down. He stared at me as he did, first at my eyes, then, as my pubic hair and cock was slowly revealed, he watched it appear. His eyes held love. He was mesmerized by my teenage hardon, and he kept staring at it as he slipped the shorts over my feet. He ran his hands back up my legs then around to cup my butt. Slowly he lowered his mouth to me, and I spread my legs to let him. But he didnt take my cock. Instead he licked down the length and sucked my right testicle into his mouth. He played his tongue over it and rolled it around before releasing it and taking the other one. All this time his hands squeezed my butt, ran up my rib cage (firmly so as not to tickle me -- geez, he knew me soo well), pinched my nipples and then ran back down to my butt. He licked my left nut and poked at it with his tongue, playing with it and teasing it, before also taking it into his mouth to taste. When he was done, he spit it out through his pursed lips. Then he grabbed me behind each knee and pulled up, so my knees were raised and my feet were near his head.

It wasnt my feet he was after. He pushed my knees back toward my chest, and licked down that ridge from my balls to my hole. He teased me again, running his tongue back and forth along that ridge. I could see my cock, hard, straining, glistening with precum, within my reach, aching for relief. The anticipation was killing me. I could feel his tongue working its way down. I anticipated him touching me in that very private spot. Almost there....but he started back up. I whined like a puppy, and I could hear him holding back a giggle.

I grasped my knees to pull them back further, opening myself to him even more. I wanted to encourage him. I wanted to feel him. He inhaled, and his tongue started back down long the ridge. Closer....closer....I was sweating with suspense, and I knew Id die if he didnt finish the trip this time. Almost...just....a.....bit.....more......

POW. His tongue touched my hole and I shouted as cum spurted onto my chin, across my left nipple, onto my belly and into my bush. His tongue lashed at my hole the entire time, through seven spurts at least, trying to push its way past the muscle around the hole. He had me wet with saliva, and as I came down he worked a finger into me, and came around to the side to kiss me. I wondered if it would taste gross, but it didnt. He didnt use his tongue in the kiss. He positioned himself between my legs and pushed my knees back again.

"Im not going to fuck you," he said. "I just want to..." He didnt finish. I think he was a little embarrassed, but he just put his cock at the entrance and slid it back and forth. He didnt try to force it inside, even though I scrunched down on the bed and tried to force him in.

"No. Not right now. Not here. I want it to be special," he said.

"It wasnt special when I did it to you. It was quick and it hurt you."

"No it didnt. It didnt hurt at all," he lied. "And we both needed it right then and right there."

"I need it now," I whined. "I want to feel you inside."

"We dont have enough time to do it right," he said. He was still moving his sweet tool against me, and his breathing was becoming ragged. "I....uh......I....uhhhhh....dont want....uh, rush....OH GOD....JUSTIN.....FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCkkkkkkkkkkkk...." He blasted a load against my butt and collapsed onto me, smearing the cum already on me between us. We held each other in a bear hug as his orgasm died away, our hearts pounding a counter rhythm to each other.

We lay there panting, holding each other, kissing lightly, squishing the sticky fluid between our bodies. Our feet played with each other, and our fingers were intertwined. And then the doorbell rang. We sprang out of bed and heard the door open.

"Danny? Justin?" Shit. It was Greg. We flew to find our clothes as we heard him in the kitchen call our names again. "Where are you guys?"

"Down here, Greg, in my room," Danny called out. I gave him a glare.

"What?" he whispered. "I gotta say something." I had my shorts on and the T-shirt coming over my head as Greg tried the door knob.

"Its locked," he said.

"Ill get it," Danny said, pulling his shirt on. We were both still barefoot, and the cum on our bellies and chests was still wet, but at least the incriminating evidence was covered. Danny flung the door open and Greg stepped in.

"Phew! What have you guys been doing?" he asked.

"Uh, wrestling," Danny said quickly.

Greg looked at both of us. "Well next time leave the door open and so you can let the air circulate. It smells strange in here."

"What dya need, Greg?" Danny asked.

"I was looking for Justin. His mom said he was over here."

"Yeah, Danny said he needed help on some English homework." Damn. I realized after Id said it Id made a mistake.

"We dont have any homework in English," Greg said. "And why was the door locked?"

"I guess I bumped the button when we were wrestling," I said.

"Oh. Whyd you need help in English, Danny?"

"Greg, I didnt need help. I just wanted Justin to come over for a while and I thought Id give him a good excuse to use on his mom."

"Why were you looking for me?" I asked.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Its sorta personal."

"So personal you cant ask in front of Danny? Hell, weve always told each other everything."

"Yeah. Almost everything."

"Man, I told you my deepest secret, Greg, the night of the camp out. Why Danny and I are so close. Danny knows everything I know. Were a team. You and us. All of us, Greg."

"I cant ask both of you."

"Why not?"

"Cuz I dont know how."

"Just ask."

Greg walked over to the bed, with the covers askew from our earlier activities. I turned to follow him with my eyes, and as I did I looked at Danny. Id been paying attention to Greg for a few moments, and hadnt even glanced at my lover. Danny stood stock still, like a statue. He was staring at the wall, not moving, his eyes fixed and glazed. He was breathing heavily. I wanted to rush over to him and squeeze him in a reassuring bear hug. But that would give us away.

Greg sat on the bed looking at the floor. At my shoes, actually. Then at my bare feet.

"Why are you barefoot?" he asked.

"Thats what you wanted to ask?"

"No. But why are you barefoot?"

"So I wouldnt knock Danny in the head while we were wrestling."

"You didnt leave your socks on."

"Greg, geez. Okay, I hate socks without shoes. If Im not going to wear shoes, Im not going to wear socks, either. Okay?"

"Sure. Okay"

Something wasnt right. I glanced at Danny, who was now staring open-mouthed at me. I could feel the drying cum on my chest. The scent was still heavy in the air.

Then I looked at Greg. He was totally lost. I walked over to the bed, sat down beside him and put my arm around him.

"Greg, Im sorry. Somethings eating you. What is it, bud?"

"He looked at me, and then at Danny.

"You kissed him," he said to me.


"You and Danny. You kissed each other. Last night. Didnt you?" It was a question now, not a statement. It gave us a way out. I know we were in shadows. I know he couldnt have seen clearly. I knew he was guessing. We could lie our way out of this. I didnt move my arm. I looked at Danny, who was staring now at Greg. But his eyes werent glazed like before. They had a light in them that Id seen before. Determination. He moved onto the bed beside me. Greg was looking at me for an answer.

"Yes, Greg, we did," Danny said quietly. We did kiss each other." I snapped my head around and stared at him. "Justin," he said, "weve never lied to each other. Not big lies. Fibs, maybe, but not lies. I cant lie to Greg."

"Greg?" I said, my voice cracking. I didnt want to cry. I wouldnt cry. But tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes.

"Why?" He asked it looking at Danny, but then shifted his eyes to me.

"Because, Greg, we love each other."

"Love? Like brothers? You said you were almost brothers."

"No. I mean we love each other. Like boyfriend-girlfriend, but boyfriend-boyfriend."

"You mean you guys are....queer?"

An arrow shot into my heart. I doubled over in pain. Why was Danny doing this?

"Gay. Were...well, Im gay, Greg. I cant speak for Justin."

Greg put his hand on my back.

"Is it true? Youre, gay?"

I could only nod. Thats all. I felt Danny take one of my hands. There was total silence. My tears plopped to the floor. Silence. For several moments.

"Greg? Say something," Danny asked.


I could only sniffle and try to wipe the tears from my eyes. I wanted to call Becky. I needed her. I was too confused and Danny wasnt helping. I needed that rock, Becky, to cling to. I wanted her to hold me, rock me, stroke my hair and tell me everything would be okay. Danny wasnt the person to do that right now. I didnt know him very well just now. Becky I knew. She didnt change. Danny was....oh, god. Why?


I thought Id die. Then I felt something. Gregs hand on my back. It moved. He began rubbing my back. Up and down. He put a firm pressure along my spine, slid off to one side, then the other as he rubbed me. It was a friendly, reassuring pressure. I turned my head and looked at him. He was looking at me, no expression on his face.

"Its okay, Justin. Really, its okay."

"When did you see us?" Danny asked.

"I woke up when you closed the netting last night. I didnt think much about it. I figured you were going into the house to use the bathroom. But I never heard the door. Then I thought you just couldnt sleep and were going to go talk and look at the stars. So I thought Id join you. I opened the netting quietly so I wouldnt wake Kyle and Charlie, and eased out. I stood there looking for you, and I thought I saw you back in the corner."

He looked sheepishly at both of us, took a breath and let it out. "I know I told you this morning I only heard you get up, and that I went back to sleep. But I didnt. I got up. Anyway, when I looked closer, you guys were hugging each other. And then I saw you kiss. I didnt know what to do. I dove back into the tent. I made so much noise I thought Id wake up the other two, or that youd hear me."

I had heard him.

"Justin, dont cry, man," Greg said. "Its okay."

"You dont hate us?"

"Hate you? Youre my buds. Weve been friends forever. Youve done everything for me. This doesnt change anything."

"There are a lot of people who wouldnt agree with you."

"Guys, when I lost my dad I lost someone I loved more than anything. I know what its like to want love. If you two have it, Im happy for you."

"How can you understand so easily, Greg? Im not sure I even understand yet," I said.

He chuckled a little. "Im not really sure I do, either. But Ive surfed the net, and Ive seen things there, and Ive had to think about some things, too. My folks brought us all up to love people, whatever their skin color or nationality or religion. I just figure who they love falls under the same category."

"Greg, no one else knows about this," Danny said. "I wish you didnt know this. Greg, youve got to keep it a secret. Kyle and Richie dont know. No one knows. Our parents dont know. If were friends, you gotta do this for us. You cant tell anyone, Greg. No one." He was getting a little worked up.

Greg was still rubbing my back. "I promise, guys. No one. I can keep a secret. Besides, you and Justin did so much for me when my dad died. Ill never forget it, and Ill never be able to repay you."

"Greg, what we did for you was out of friendship," I said. "Out of love, but we didnt know to call it that then. This isnt repayment for that. You dont have to repay us for it. This is something new."

"I dont care. I wont tell. But thanks for being honest with me."


"Can I be honest with you guys?"

"You better be." Danny said.

"Well, um, whats it like?"

"Whats what like?" I asked.

"You know. Kissing another guy."

I could finally undouble, and I lay back on the bed. Fuck.

"A lot like kissing a girl," I said. Cuz I had. "Why?"

"Just curious," he said in a whisper. I looked at Greg.

"When you were out surfing the net, you were curious?" Danny asked.

He nodded, not looking at either of us.

"Have you guys, you know, done more than kiss?"

"Greg, I wouldnt tell if we had," I said. He chuckled a little bit again.

"How did you know that you were..." He left the question unfinished.

"I dont know," Danny said. "Ive loved Justin for so long I dont know when I figured it out. It just felt natural. No girl ever made me feel the way Justin did. It was so hard being around him, and sleeping with him and not being able to tell him. I just tried to show him in little ways, until I could finally tell him."

Greg looked at me. "I didnt know till, well, I dunno. I mean, Danny told me how he felt, and we, um, kissed, and we talked about it and hung out together and, uh, had that fight..."

"Thats what the fight was about? Him telling you?"

"Well, sorta. There were some other things involved. But basically, yeah. Not that I was mad at him cuz he told me he was gay, or even that he loved me. I mean, I was confused and all, but he...I mean I, I mean...I mean, no. No. I mean, we had the fight at the same time he told me, but that wasnt the cause of the fight. It was something else. Anyway, during all that time when we were mad at each other, I mean, I was mad at him, I mean, I THOUGHT I was mad at him, I mean, I WAS mad, but.."

"Get on with it," Greg said.

"Okay, Im just trying to answer your question. Anyway, during that time, I realized how much he meant to me and how much I loved him and wanted to be with him. And here we are."

We talked for about 20 more minutes, till I glanced at the clock and realized I was about to miss dinner.

"I gotta go. Momll have dinner ready." I sat on the floor to put on my shoes and socks.

"Before you go," Greg said, "tell me something. When I knocked on the door this afternoon, was I interrupting anything? He took a deep breath and smiled.

Danny smiled back at him. "Yeah. Wrestling."

Dinner seemed different. It was good. But mom and dad were quiet. They asked about my day at school and I told them about the upchuck incident. Mom said not at the dinner table, but dad got a giggle out of it. Other than that, it was pretty quiet.

I did my homework, surfed the net a little bit, and went to bed about 10:30.

I woke up 10 days later in a hospital room with the worst headache in the history of mankind. Dad was there. So was Danny. So was Greg. They were holding hands.

I think that was the scariest day of my life. Or was up to that time. Im going to try to crush my lover tonight with a hug. I need to feel his solid body.

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