Published: 23 Mar 2026

The beginning of reality;

It had been a long stressful day for both Biff and Grady although retired to bed with their thoughts sleep remains elusive.

Grady glances across to his alarm clock.

The alarm isn’t set as Monday’s public holiday approaches.

Instead of being home in the comfort of bed they should be back camping besides Davies Creek with their mates and Grady’s head is full of concern for Ron’s chances of survival, more so for Biff. If Ron doesn’t recover it would, although Biff would never admit to it, leave Biff without his life’s mentor. Grady recalls the previous Saturday when he enquired about Biff’s mood, with Biff saying he had a feeling akin to someone walking across his grave, could it have a premonition towards Ron’s turn or nothing but coincidence.

Fleeting memories in the dark as Grady winds back through happier times. Grady recalls the many laughs he had with Ron, also earlier times before the birth of Lewis and Robyn when his parents needed to travel due to sickness in the family, Grady would be left with Ron and Veronica. There were times when he wished those visits would never end. Also the wisdom Ron offered when his own father would offer none. Not excluding the many sleepovers at the Bastian house, being allowed to stay up well past the turning hour, even sharing a shandy with Ron and Biff, with Ron saying, don’t tell your father;

Grady recalls when he and Biff were caught smoking Ron’s cigarettes in the equipment shed;

Instead of punishment the boys were sat down to a bout of reality on cause and effects; followed by, if you are going to do such a darn stupid thing, that in reality I can’t prevent but you will have to get work and buy your own.

The wisdom Ron offered being don’t as the weed is slowly killing both he and David as they started the habit at the tender age of nine.

Their fathers were mates back then but as maturity developed its hormones they became rivals.

‘What caused the rivalry?’

‘How could anyone not like Ron Bastian?’

‘If Ron dies,’ Grady thinks.

His eyes are open to the darkness in the room.

The curtains are drawn with soft moonlight entering at the edges.

Outside he can hear the dogs grumbling about who has the softer bed and in the distance comes the slight tinkle of milk bottles in their crates.

‘Is it that late?’

Another glance at the clock it is four-thirty.

‘I must have dozed.’

A short distance away is the single bed.

Biff is nothing but a mound of darkness.

‘I would dearly miss Ron.’ Grady thinks.

‘Stop thinking negatively,’

Grady peers through the darkness towards Biff, he believes he can see movement.

“You awake Biff?” Grady softly whispers.

“I am.”

“What are you thinking?”

Biff draws a slow and deep breath.

“Mostly if Ron doesn’t pull through, where will I live?”

“You have the house.”

“No it is rented and Ron didn’t bother buying it when we had opportunity and he got that small inheritance from Grandad Bastian, Instead of putting the money towards buying the house he bought the Ford Zephyr.”

“That you rolled on the Dimbulah Road.”

“All Ron did was take a deep breath with the words don’t worry at least you are alive and the future will look after itself.”

“Yes Ron often said that,” Grady agrees

“But it doesn’t – does it?”

“You could live here.”

Grady’s words may be hopeful but he knew David and Biff were like oil on water and could never be.”

“I like Karen as I would my own mother but David would never agree to me living here.”

There is movement outside the window in the oleander shrub, then one of the dogs commences to growl.

‘Marshie has cornered that bloody possum again;’ Grady thinks;

Grady is quickly from his bed;

He opens the window, “cut it Marshie,” he loudly whispers.

The dog quietens as the possum scurries across the roof, its tiny claws creating a scratching sound as it passes over the metal roof.

Grady leaves the window open and the curtains drawn;

Outside the morning is becoming apparent.

“It’s hot in here,” he says.

“It’s always hot, that’s why I usually sleep naked,” Buff admits.

“Doesn’t that cause a problem?”

“A problem, in what way?”

“I think I’d have a permanent woody if I didn’t at least wear my undies’ to bed.”

“You may for a night or so but clothes in bed feel as your bits are being strangled.”

“You wore your undies’ last night?”

“I do when I’m sleeping elsewhere.”

Grady is obviously thinking;

“What if Ron was to walk in on you?” he eventually questions.

“Ron also sleeps naked, it always been that way.”

“You’ve seen each other naked?”

Biff releases a soft chuckle;

“So? I’ve seen you naked and you me, what’s the dif’?”

“That’s different, besides I could never imagine seeing dad undressed; he even locks the bathroom door when he is showering.”

“You’ve never seen David undressed?”

“Never.”

“I suppose we are all different.”

“Biff that’s a whole new side of you I never knew existed.”

“Does it worry you?”

“Not at all it’s just as you said different.”

The conversation dies for a while.

It is obvious Grady is mulling over Biff’s confession. It isn’t Biff and Ron about the house starkers that concerns but a more compelling problem. Eventually Grady has to ask.

“Biff, I have a question.”

“Go on.”

“What happens if you crack it?”

“Crack what Grady?”

“You know get a woody when Ron is about. I think I would die from embarrassment.”

“You just don’t.”

“I would.”

“Do you get a woody in the sports dressing room?”

“No.”

“There’s your answer, when it becomes common practice you don’t. Besides Ron and I have a joke about it. I am now bigger than him.”

“You actually talk about it?”

“Not as such maybe mentioned in passing. Mind you we don’t walk about the house naked all day, possibly when changing, or if Ron needs to piss when I’m under the shower. He loves to flush the toilet when I’m under the water as the pressure is so bad the shower stops.”

“I don’t know if I could walk about naked even if you and I shared a house.” Grady admits.

“Why not? Besides I think you look better naked than dressed,” Biff suggests.

‘What did Biff mean?’

The thought remains but Grady dozes through the early morning before he can suggest an answer.

Six o’clock and David’s bedside alarm sounds, as his room is next to Grady’s the buzzing is heard through the thin dividing wall.

Grady had dozed a little after their early morning conversation.

He had been dreaming he was walking naked down Walsh Street and so erect it hurt.

He recalls being embarrassed but oddly no one was looking at him, they all simply passed him by going about their business while he tried his utmost to hide his embarrassment with his hands.

It didn’t work the more he attempted concealment the more it showed.

Grady is now awake.

He is erect and feels close to climax, he tightly wraps his hand around and squeezes tightly to prevent ejaculation.

It works.

He can hear David clanging coat hangers in his wardrobe.

He hears his father curse.

“Damn woman,” comes clearly through the thin wall.

“I don’t ask for much, you could have at least ironed a fresh shirt for me.”

Grady murmurs a response;

“No dad, you do ask for a lot.”

David leaves his room loudly closing the door.

Moments later his car engine is revving and he is gone.

“You said something?” Biff asks.

“You are awake?”

“I haven’t been asleep.”

“Mum uses pills for sleeping; maybe I could get you a couple for tonight.”

“I don’t do drugs.”

“You drink beer.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Mum does, she has pills to take her up, pills to bring her down and others to kill the thought of having dad around.”

“That’s a shame; your mother is a wonderful lady.”

“I remember your mother,” Grady says. “We would have been about seven when she died. She always gave me the biggest slice of cake whenever she baked.”

“Ron never got over losing mum, he was so stressed he couldn’t bear seeing her image in photographs.”

“You said Ron burned all the pics’ of your mother.”

“He did, at first I thought he burned them through some kind of anger, in time I realised the truth.”

“That’s a shame; I know mum has more somewhere other than the one she gave you, I’ll remind her to look them out.”

“No matter the one she gave me is enough.”

“What time should we visit Ron?”

“Around eleven I would think, that allows the hospital staff time to get the morning over with.”

“I’ll come with you.” Grady offers.

“I would hope so, Ron asked for you when I visited yesterday.”

There is movement coming from the kitchen, Karen is about and preparing breakfast, soon Lewis is heard in the hall. Lewis is usually a late riser but after being giving permission to go with Tug and his family for an outing, he forwent the extra sleep but not breakfast.

“I can smell bacon,” Biff says.

“I suppose we should think about getting up.”

“I guess so. Ron always frizzled the bacon to charcoal, that’s why I do most of the cooking, your mother’s bacon is immaculate.”

“Immaculate you say;”

Grady is grinning as Biff often used fancy expressions.

“That’s the word.”

“Is it a real word?”

“Suppose so – I used it didn’t I?”

Grady is out of bed dressed in his underwear, he quickly turns away from Biff realising the almost accident from his erotic dreaming left a noticeable dribble.

He quickly pulls on his pants.

“Aren’t you getting up?”

“In a minute, you go ahead and I’ll join you.”

Lewis is already at the table, he had to be at Tug’s house ten minutes ago so he grabs a couple of slices of dry toast, a swallow of tea and before Karen can comment towards his haste Lewis is away.

Grady enters the kitchen.

“Did Brian sleep well in that small bed, I would think his feet stick out the end,” Karen asks.

“I think so,” Grady lies knowing well Biff hadn’t slept through worry.

Biff enters and yawns;

“Good morning Mrs. Dowie.”

“I was asking Grady if you managed to sleep in that small bed.”

“Yes thank you,” Biff also lies not to concern Karen.

“Sit yourself while I do some eggs. Grady be a dear and put on more toast, Lewis took most of it.”

Breakfast is a sober affair with the only sound being Grady scraping the singed toast and further scrapping of soft butter on toasted surfaces.

Eventually it is Karen who speaks.

“Will you be visiting Ron this morning?”

“Yes,” Biff answers, “we thought we would go in after eleven.”

“I have shopping this morning although most of the shops are closed with the holiday, I’ll take Robyn with me.”

Grady gives a gentle nod as he chews on the toast he burned.

“Your father suggested you could mow the back lawn.”

“So he said. I’ll mow it before the day is too hot and before we go into see Ron.”

Karen gives a cheeky smirk;

“If you didn’t mow the lawn I don’t think your father would notice any difference.”

“He would mum. Believe me he would, he’s probably taken a ruler to it and knows the length of every blade of grass. He is so uptight with the lawn he probably holds a dossier on it.”

“Be nice Grady, your father isn’t all that difficult;”

Karen words may have been supportive towards David but her expression agreed with her son.

“Brian when you visit Ron let him know I’ll come in to see him after tonight’s dinner.”

“Yes I will tell him.”

“Ron also asked for you to bring him a pair of pyjamas.”

Grady gives a knowing huff.

“I’ll do that,” Biff agrees.

Ten past ten on a hot and sunny Queens Birthday holiday and Grady is leading Biff towards David’s precious shed.

“Pyjamas,” Grady says, “I thought you said Ron doesn’t wear any.”

“He has a pair he bought yonks back in case of emergencies,” Biff chuckles, “they remain wrapped in brown paper and tie with a length of string in his bottom drawer.”

Grady brings the key from his pocket;

“I should have a duplicate made.”

“Would you do that?”

“Na, I’m not that interested in whatever he gets up to in his precious shed.”

Once inside Grady checks the mower for fuel.

Empty;

“Biff, pass me that tin of two-stroke petrol on the bench behind you.”

Grady fills the mower’s tank.

“Well where is it?” Biff quizzically asks.

“Where are what?”

“David’s porn’ stash.”

“The mags’ are behind those drums in the corner.”

Like a bird on a beetle Biff is behind the drums but all he finds is a dust fee space on a very dusty shelf where the magazines once rested.

“Something has been here but now whatever it was is gone.”

“He must have hidden them elsewhere after he expected Lewis had been reading them.”

“Pity,” Biff says, “I’ve never seen any porn only those pics’ Mick Brown bandies about.”

“In comparison what Brownie has is nothing compared to what dad has.”

Grady wheels the mower out of the shed;

“You can have a look about if you like, possibly you’ll find them.”

“Na’ I’m not that bothered.”

With his hand on the mower’s pull cord Grady has a recollection.

He is remembering something Biff said in the early morning that was in contrast to Biff’s nature.

Grady pulls the cord and the mower splutters;

Another pull and more spluttering.

“You’ve flooded it,” Biff suggests.

“Probably, it’s a hunk of shit – I’ve been at dad for ages to get a new mower; it isn’t as if he can’t afford it.”

“You’re the mechanic, why not fix it?”

“Dad said I’m to leave the mower be as I’m not even a mechanic’s arsehole.”

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“You must admit it is his style, besides in a way he has reason, in the past I did leave things half done.”

“Yes I remember the toaster affair – give me a go.”

“No just leave it a few minutes.”

Grady pushes the mower aside;

“I’ve just recalled something you said last night,” Grady says.

“I suppose we both said a lot of things.”

“True but what you said was out of character.”

“Go on – remind me.”

Grady is hesitant but if he didn’t question Biff’s meaning it would leave him in permanent wonder.

“You said I look better naked.”

“Did I say that?” Biff questions.

“You did.”

“You’ve given the mower enough time; have another go at starting it or give me a go.”

‘Should I push Biff further?’

‘If I do I could he could become moody.’

‘Better to leave off.’

‘If he wishes to elaborate he will in his own good time.’

‘Possibly I dreamed it’

‘I was having an unusual erotic dream.’

‘It was all that talk about walking naked around the house.’

Grady gives a secret grin;

‘It was almost a very wet dream.’

‘How fortunate for privacy in the shower.’

A hefty pull on the cord and the motor mower starts bellowing acrid blue smoke upwards into Grady’s face.

Biff coughs and moves away from the smoke.

“There you go. I told you it would start,” says Grady.

“You are just too smart.”

Grady laughs although he feels Biff’s remark is aimed towards his question. All through their long friendship there was an unwritten, unspoken rule being accept Biff for who he is and leave off with the personal questions. If you do find necessity to ask then expect a negative response and a sharp reminder to mind your own business.

‘I should have kept quiet.’

‘Bugger, I know how private Biff can be.’

‘I should have left well enough alone.’

‘It is done now.’

Grady creates a distraction, “we should visit Ron once I done the mowing.”

“That suits me,” Biff agrees; “firstly we will have to visit home for Ron’s pyjamas.”

Hospitals are multi-natured they can give a sense of security and hope they can also give dread and desperation. On their way to visit Ron the boys progress with a mixture of both. Once in the ward they find Ron drowsy although stable therefore to Biff there is hope, especially when Ron makes future plans for he and Biff and as best he could, a fuss of Grady.

The boys had been visiting for some time when Biff declares his need for coffee, possible it wasn’t the coffee he desired but a moment alone to collect his thoughts.

As soon as Biff has gone from the room, Ron gathers a little strength and takes Grady’s hand.

He gives Grady’s hand a squeeze;

“You’ve always been a good lad Grady and a credit to your mother and you were a happy kid. I remember an occasion when you and Brian were quite small while played together, Brian stole your toys and instead of crying you laughed and gave him more of your toys.”

“I don’t recall Biff being aggressive.”

“I think your attitude brought him into line, he has always held you in high regard, sometime I believe he thinks more of you than he does of me.”

Somewhat embarrassed Grady acknowledges with a light chortle while doubting Ron’s indication.

“I mean it lad.”

“Thank you for the accolade – but;”

“But nothing lad and I want you to promise something.”

“Yes anything Ron.”

“Grady promise me you will look after Biff.”

“You’ll be up and bright in a couple of days Ron.”

“I won’t, I know that, so promise you’ll keep him off the piss and there’s something else, don’t hate him for what you don’t know about Biff.”

“I could never hate Biff,” Grady admits.

“Promise Grady.”

“I promise Ron.”

Moments later Biff returns with two hospital brew coffees, he passes one to Grady. Biff smiles to Ron, “I didn’t get you one.”

“I think this flaming drip they have me on does the trick,” Ron says, “although I’d love a nice cold beer.”

“Next time I’ll smuggle one in for you.”

“Best not.”

Biff sits on the side of Ron’s bed;

“And what did you two talk about while I was gone?”

“You,” Ron whispers with the best smile he can muster.

“You of course,” Grady concurs.

Ron takes a deep breath and sighs, “go on both of you, get out of here and let an old man get some sleep.”

The boys commence to depart.

“Grady don’t you forget,” Ron reminds.

“I promise.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow Ron,” Biff says.

“Sure thing mate.”

As the boys depart the hospital it is obvious Biff wished to know about Grady’s promise but it was not in his nature to pry.

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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