Published: 15 Mar 2021

Joe sat there, next to Devyn, waiting for the teenager to continue. He could almost hear the boy trying to accept that the events had been outside his control. He could feel the boy’s pain that was so much like his own. Joe knew all too well the rejection of a father you loved. He knew all too well being told to get out and to never come back.

Joe was glad that Devyn was finally able to confide in him about how his folks had thrown him out. He had known it, but hearing the details had given Joe a new respect for the pain that Devyn had gone through.

“If you did not go to Brent’s,” Joe said softly, his hand still on Devyn’s bare leg, trying to reassure the teenager, “what did you do?”

“I started walking,” Devyn said, after pulling his thoughts under control. “I made it to the end of the block when I had an idea.”

Devyn turned and hurried back to his house. He kept in the shadows and crept quietly to the garage. The house was dark, so he did not think his dad would be watching for him. He slipped his key into the walk-in door and slipped silently into the garage. He found the camping equipment and pulled out his sleeping bag. He rolled it out on the floor and slid into it. At least in here he would be sheltered from the wind and the sleeping bag would keep him warm for the night. He just hoped he would wake up before anyone came into the garage.

Devyn felt very sore when he woke up early Sunday morning. He was a little cold and his body seemed to be telling him that sleeping on a cold floor was not the best idea.

Devyn stretched and then pulled himself out of his sleeping bag. He looked around the garage and was glad to find that it was still early. He wondered what he was going to do.

Devyn put the sleeping bag back into its storage spot and slipped out of the garage. He hurried down the block not wanting to be seen by either of his parents.

“That was smart thinking,” Joe said. “Slipping into the garage like that.”

“At the time, I did not have any options,” Devyn said. “I spent much of that next day just wandering around. I just did not know what the right thing to do would be.”

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to help you back then,” Joe said.

Devyn swallowed down the lump in his throat. If he had known Joe then, his life would have been so much different now. “I decided I needed a job,” Devyn said, “but it was unlikely anyone was going to hire me.”

He spotted a help wanted sign at a restaurant and went in to apply for the job. As soon as he stepped through the door, his stomach reminded him that he had not eaten all day. He was very hungry. He glanced at the prices for the buffet and decided that was his best deal.

He ate more than he ever had at one time. He was sure the staff thought he was nuts eating the amount of food he consumed. He knew that this might be the last meal he would have for a while. His cash would not hold out for awfully long if he had to spend it for food.

Late that night he snuck back into his parent’s garage and took his place in the sleeping bag. He had not found anywhere else to sleep where he felt he could be safe.

On Monday, Devyn went to school as usual. His clothes were rumpled and his hair looked a little greasy from not having been washed. He had dark circles under his eyes and they were red. He had not slept much on the floor of the garage and the tears kept threatening to spill.

Devyn and Brent had several classes together, but Brent would not meet Devyn’s eyes. The blonde boy kept avoiding Devyn.

“What is up with the two of you?” Sue asked him after seeing Brent avoid Devyn for the third time that day.

“You will have to ask Brent that. He is the one avoiding me,” Devyn said.

An idea occurred to Devyn during the day. After the last bell rang, Devyn went to the gym. He went down to the locker room which was under the gym. He slipped into a storage room and closed the door behind himself. There he waited. He wanted to give the cleaning crew time to get done and leave for the day. He did not know how late they would be here. He just hoped it would not be too late.

While he waited, he turned on the dim overhead light and took out his books. He figured he might as well do his homework. If nothing else, being homeless might improve his grades.

After several hours, Devyn moved out of his hiding spot. He crept about making sure the coast was clear. He heard no movement in the gym complex, so he decided that it must be safe to move about a little bit.

He explored the area and wondered just what kind of security the gym had. He was sure that there must be an alarm system, so he avoided going close to any of the doors. He thought if he stayed away from the exits, he would not set off any alarms.

He had eaten a big lunch that day. The school food was not the best, but it was paid for with his lunch card. Devyn wondered how long that would last him. Would his parents stop putting money on it for him? He knew he had at least a weeks’ worth of meals on it. He just hoped that maybe his Mom would go ahead and add to it out of habit.

After walking about and making sure the coast was clear, Devyn returned to the locker room. He stripped off all his clothes. He found an unlocked locker and borrowed the person’s soap and shampoo. Then he made use of the showers. It felt so good to have the warm water cascading over his body. It felt even better to have the soap and shampoo to clean himself up.

He could not believe he had resorted to stealing stuff from people’s lockers and using other people’s towels. He just hoped things would not get worse for him.

Devyn spent the next four days much like he had Monday. He went to classes, ate a big lunch, and then snuck into his hiding place in the storage room. He showered borrowing towels, soap, and shampoo from the other students. He tried to never use more than the very smallest amount of soap and shampoo. He did not want anyone to realize their stuff was being used.

One of Devyn’s problems was the long evenings after school. He spent hours reading his textbooks to relieve some of the boredom he was feeling. He did not know if he would go crazy spending so much time in his solitary hiding space. He needed to find a place in the library to hide where he would have other books to choose from or maybe even be able to use one of the TVs to watch some of the local channels.

Reading helped Devyn pull his mind off his fear. His stomach was constantly twisting in the apprehension of being caught and tossed out of his safe sleeping place. He did not know if he would be able to stand spending the entire weekend in his small hide-a-way.

Devyn spent Friday night in his new home and then Saturday he slipped out of the school. He was lucky that Coach had a Saturday practice and that gave Devyn the opportunity to get out of his hiding place and slip unnoticed out of the gym.

Devyn went to the drug store and picked up the cheapest toothbrush he could. He could not believe he had not thought to pack his toothbrush. He also picked up the store brand of toothpaste. He had been hating not being able to brush his teeth. He had limited funds but he had to pick up these few necessities. Now he just needed to figure out what he was going to do for the weekend.

Sue had been wanting Devyn to take her out on Saturday night, but there was no way Devyn could afford that. He had gotten Sue to agree to let him come over to her house on Saturday night. He figured they could raid her folk’s kitchen and watch movies. Devyn knew he would be able to afford that kind of date. Plus, maybe he could crash there for the night.

“You know,” Sue said after they had finished a movie, “I think you wore this shirt two or three times this week.”

Devyn had been alternating his clothes so no one would realize he was wearing the same thing over and over. He should have known Sue would pick up on that sort of thing. She was a clothes horse after all.

“Oh, did I?” Devyn said feigning ignorance.

“Yes, I am sure of it,” Sue said.

“I just grab whatever I can find,” Devyn said, shrugging his shoulders.

Sue was also amazed by the amount of food that Devyn consumed. He ate two exceptionally large portions of the lasagna that Sue’s Mom had left for them to warm up and a huge piece of chocolate cake. “I don’t think I have ever seen you eat so much,” she said.

“I, I was just hungry,” Devyn said, drinking a second glass of milk to wash down the cake. He had not eaten all day, and he knew he had better stuff himself while he had the chance.

Devyn was lucky that Sue’s parents let him spend the night on their couch. Sue’s mom fixed breakfast for him before he left.

“It is surprising you were able to make that work for a whole week,” Joe said, when Devyn had paused.

“I was always worried someone would find out,” Devyn said. “I think Sue knew something was going on, but she just did not figure it out.”

“So, you never got to talk to Brent?” Joe asked.

“I did,” Devyn said. “I felt a little lost that day after leaving Sue’s place.”

Devyn was not sure where he was going to go. He walked around for a while and then back to his neighborhood. He watched Brent’s house. He wanted to talk to his friend. He wanted to feel Brent’s arms around him again.

Brent had avoided Devyn all week and Devyn was not sure why. He could understand it if Brent’s folks were around, but at school no one would know they were still friends.

Devyn waited for Brent’s parents to leave and then he went to the front door. He rang the bell and waited. It seemed to Devyn to take forever for Brent to open the door.

“Devyn!” Brent said his eyes wide as he looked around Devyn to see who might be nearby.

“Can we talk?” Devyn asked.

“I, I don’t think so,” Brent said. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

“Come on man,” Devyn said his voice cracking. “I know your folks are not home. I saw them leave. I was waiting. Let’s at least talk. Brent you know how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed.”

Brent pulled the door back further and stepped aside and let Devyn into the house. “You can’t stay long,” he said. Brent closed the door behind Devyn and then turned to face the other boy.

“Brent, I, I am sorry that things happened the way they did,” Devyn said. Devyn reached out to pull the guy he had been having strong feelings for into a hug. He was expecting to feel Brent’s arms move around him. He was expecting to have his best friend return the feelings that he believed they shared for each other.

Devyn was disappointed when Brent did not return the hug. Brent stiffened in Devyn’s embrace and kept his arms at his sides. “What’s wrong?” Devyn asked, his brown eyes looking into Brent’s blue ones.

“We can’t do this anymore,” Brent said. “I, I can’t do this with you.”

“Brent your parents aren’t here,” Devyn said.

“It doesn’t matter if my parents are here or not,” Brent said. Brent pushed Devyn back to arm’s length. He needed to keep his distance from Devyn. He could not have those urges for the other guy anymore.

“Brent, I don’t understand,” Devyn said confused.

“It’s over Devyn,” Brent said. “I was just confused. I am not going to do that stuff anymore. My folks are even putting me into therapy to help fix the messed-up thing you did to me.”

“What?” Devyn said, his voice shocked at Brent’s words.

“I know you didn’t realize how hard it was on me to have you pressuring me like you did,” Brent said. “But it made me very confused.”

Devyn was the one feeling confused. He had never pressured Brent into doing anything. He had never once had to persuade Brent to be with him. “Brent, you’re gay just like me,” he said.

“NO! No! I’m not,” Brent said. “That is the problem. I’m not a fucking faggot like you. I am normal. You simply confused me.”

“I don’t believe it. What did they tell you?” Devyn said. Devyn could not believe the words coming from Brent. He knew the guy was gay. He knew they loved each other. He still cared for Brent more than anyone.

“You have to go, Devyn,” Brent said. “I can’t be around you anymore. I don’t want to be around you anymore. I’m going to get myself straightened out. I’m going to let the doctors fix me. Maybe you should do the same.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with me to fix,” Devyn said. “I’m gay, not sick or diseased.”

“But it is a disease,” Brent said. “It is like being an alcoholic. You have to fight the urges. You have to put them behind you.”

“We both tried that Brent,” Devyn said. “It doesn’t work.”

“It didn’t work for me because of you,” Brent said. “You did this to me. You tried to come between me and my family, but it didn’t work.”

“You know what,” Devyn said, his voice growing louder. His face grew redder as he got angry. “You are the one that is messed up and I am not going to fucking put up with this.”

“Devyn, you should go,” Brent said.

“Yeah, I think I should,” Devyn said. “I think you are not the person I fell in love with. You are not…”

“Just get out,” Brent said, interrupting Devyn’s words.

“Fine,” Devyn shouted. Devyn grabbed the door and pulled it open. He stepped back out into the cool afternoon. He felt worse than he had when his parents had kicked him out.

“Don’t come back,” Brent said from the doorway.

Devyn did not look back. He strode down the sidewalk and did his best to keep his emotions in check. He felt his heart breaking, for the second time in a week. His parents had kicked him out and now his best friend, his boyfriend had dumped him. He had no one now. He had nobody else to turn to for help. He had believed that Brent would be there for him no matter what. He thought his friend had the same feelings and emotions running through him, that Devyn had. It was obvious that Brent was colder hearted than Devyn had thought.

“I understand how much that must have hurt,” Joe said, using his thumb to wipe away a tear sliding down Devyn’s cheek.

“I can’t believe how much it still hurts,” Devyn said, wiping a tear from his other eye. He took a shaky breath.

“I can tell those emotions are still raw,” Joe said squeezing Devyn’s shoulder.

“I wish Brent had been understanding,” Devyn said. “I never thought I was pushing him into anything.”

“Sounds like he was trying to cover up his own identity,” Joe said. “I know you and I do not see you ever pushing anyone into doing something against their will.”

“But maybe I,” Devyn began.

“No maybe,” Joe said, cutting off Devyn’s words. “No but. Look at the boy in this picture.” Joe held up the picture for Devyn. “These two boys look happy. They look like best friends to me.”

“We were,” Devyn said. “At least I thought we were.” Devyn thought back. He could remember how excited they both were at moving to a new level of their relationship. He knew the first time would have been special for them both. He could still see the excitement in Brent’s eyes. He could still remember the feeling of Brent’s hands and lips. He knew inside it was something they both wanted. “I would have never done that to him. I would have never pushed him away like that.”

“That is what Hannah saw,” Joe said. “That is what I see. Your heart is true and loyal. Brent was scared and tried taking an easy way out.”

“I thought Brent and I were so much alike,” Devyn said. “I thought that no matter what, we would be there for each other.”

“Brent just was not mature enough to stand up for himself and for you,” Joe said, squeezing Devyn’s knee. “He was not as strong as you.”

“I guess,” Devyn said looking at the picture of Brent.

Joe waited and then asked, “After he shut you out, where did you go? What did you do?”

“I was in so much pain that I did not really know where I was going or what I was going to do,” Devyn said. “I just started walking and walking. I ended up in the park. It was cold and I still did not know where I was really going.”

Devyn wandered through the park with no destination in mind. He was just walking trying to understand the emotions flooding through him. He pulls his jacket tighter round him. The temperature has started to drop and the wind is picking up.

Devyn is fighting to hold back the tears from Brent’s rejection. Now that the anger has faded all he can feel is the hurt. He finds himself near a big pine tree. The branches are hanging so low that they are touching the ground.

“You should have just kept your ass in the school,” he thought to himself. “At least in school, you would be warm and dry.” It was not raining yet, but Devyn half expected it to at any moment. Just God’s way of torturing him.

Devyn crawled under the low branches and sat with his back against the trunk of the tree. He pulled his knees up and rested his face on his arms and let the tears come. The pain was almost more than the young man could stand. He had believed that once he was alone with Brent, the feelings the two had for each other would somehow make everything better. “How stupid are you?” he asked himself. What Brent had done was like being kicked in the gut by a mule. It hurt more than anything else Devyn had experienced.

He drifted off to sleep there, under the tree, out of the wind. He awoke several hours later in the dark. He crawled out from under the tree and headed back to his parents’ garage. He figured he could spend one more night there in the warm sleeping bag.

Devyn was able to slip into the garage and he curled up in the sleeping bag. He found it hard to go to sleep this time. His mind was too active with everything that was going on in his life. His parents, kicking him out, and Brent, turning his back on him, was making Devyn sick to his stomach.

Devyn was up with the sun again. He had gotten only an hour of sleep in the sleeping bag. He decided he would take the bag with him. It would make a more comfortable bed than the stuff he was using in the storage room.

He made his way back to school and was able to slip in right behind the maintenance guy unlocking the building. Devyn stowed his sleeping bag in the back of the storage room with his other things and then set about his usual school day.

Devyn got into a routine that seemed to keep him one step ahead of the janitors, the teachers, and his friends. No one had yet figured out that he was living in the storage room. The only thing anyone had noticed was that he was losing weight and he always seemed tired.

Devyn was only getting the one meal a day and soon, he feared that would run out. He found that sleeping on the floor, even in the sleeping bag, was not amazingly comfortable, so he only got a few hours of sleep at a time.

He decided he could survive this way until the end of the school year. He was not planning much further than that. He was simply happy that he had found a place to stay and that he had not been kicked out of his comfortable spot.

The weeks passed and Devyn was still managing to keep up an appearance of normalcy. He had adjusted well. He was keeping up some sort of appearance with teachers and students that everything was going simply fine. He did not try to talk to Brent at all and his grades had improved. Having all the free time in his hideout was giving him extra time to study.

Devyn’s lunch card had been holding out. He guessed that his Mom must still care a little bit as he always seemed to have enough money on the card for lunch. He wanted to go by the house and thank her, but that would probably only lead to problems. He was not ready to face his father again. There was only so much he could take.

He got comfortable with his daily routine of sneaking out of the storage room, going to class, eating a huge lunch, going to more classes, sneaking back into his storage room, and waiting for the school to be empty. Once the school was empty, he would shower and settle in for the night. He just wished he could get his hands on more food. It was hard going from lunch to lunch with nothing to eat in between.

On an unusually cold Thursday in late March, Devyn was slipping back into his storage room after taking a shower. He was still a little damp from the shower and was drying himself off before getting into his sleeping bag.

He jumped a foot off the floor when the storage room door was pulled open and a booming voice asked him what the hell he was doing.

Devyn froze not knowing what to do. He stood there naked clutching the towel in front of his body looking at a large man standing in the doorway of the storage room.

“I, I, was…” Devyn stammered in his embarrassment. Devyn felt exposed, standing there naked in front of this stranger. He could feel his face growing warm and knew he was turning red with embarrassment.

The man stood there looking over the naked form of the kid in front of him. His eyes taking in the young naked body. “I don’t know what you think you are doing kid, but your ass is out of here. This is not some fucking homeless shelter. I don’t care what kind of fight you have had with your folks or what, but this ain’t no hotel.”

“Look, I was just…” Devyn began before being cut off by the man.

“Don’t care what you were just doing,” he said. “You get dressed and get out of here.”

“Please let me just sleep here tonight,” Devyn said. “I’ll…”

“No way,” the man interrupted. “You get your things and get out. Just be happy I ain’t gonna call the cops and have you arrested for breaking into the school.”

“I didn’t break in,” Devyn said. “I… I just needed a place to stay.”

“Well,” he said, “go home and stay there not here.” The man turned and stepped back out of the storage room. “Now get dressed and make it quick.”

Devyn dropped the towel and grabbed his clothes. He quickly pulled on his underwear and pants. He found his shoes and socks and pulled them on too. Then he started stuffing his stuff into the backpack.

“Come on, come on kid.,” he said. “I aint got all fucking night.”

“Jack ass!” Devyn thought as he finished getting dressed and rolled up his sleeping bag.

The large man escorted Devyn from the building and pushed him out into the cold. The wind seemed to be pulling and pushing him as he stepped into the night. “Now get your ass home and I don’t want to find you pulling shit like this again,” he said. “I’ll be keeping an eye on that storage room from now on.”

“Fucker!” Devyn said as he turned and started down the sidewalk.

Devyn had no idea where he was going to go now. He had only limited funds left to his name. That would not even be enough to pay for one night at the cheapest motel.

Maybe he could sneak into his parent’s garage. He had not been back there for a few weeks, so that might just have to become his new home. Of course, he would probably get caught by his Dad or Mom eventually, but he had very few choices left.

The cold night made him walk that much more quickly to the block where he had spent most of his years. He slid his key into the walk-in door and turned the key. The door did not open. Devyn pushed the door and turned the key left and right. The door stayed locked and would not budge.

“Shit! shit!” he said.

He dropped down to the ground in front of the door. He wanted to give up. He wanted to just give up. All of this because he had been fooling around with Brent. All of this because he had let Brent fuck him. Well now he was really getting fucked.

Devyn could feel the cold ground through his jeans and knew he could not stay there. He was going to have to find somewhere else to stay. He was going to have to find a warm place for the night.

He got back to his feet and started walking. He had no idea where he was going. He did not know what to do other than to keep walking.

He walked for a long while and then found himself in the park. He was standing before the pine tree with its branches touching the ground. He decided to crawl underneath the tree and see if he could keep warm under there.

Crouching down and pushing aside the branches, Devyn began moving towards the base of the tree. He had only moved a foot when he heard a soft growling. He froze in place not sure what kind of animal he might be disturbing. He was unable to see anything, but he could hear the growling coming from the base of the tree.

“Um, sorry,” he said as he started backing up.

The growling got louder, so he stopped again. Devyn heard the animal moving toward him. He figured it was a dog, but it did not sound like a friendly dog at all. He heard it sniffing at him as it got closer. He heard it breathing as it smelled him.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you boy,” he said. Devyn was not sure if the dog were a boy or not but either way, he hoped it would respond to the soft voice he was using.

Devyn felt the nose moving along his right side. He knew the jaws could take a bite out of him at any time, but he decided to just let the dog smell him and realize he meant the creature no harm. Then Devyn felt the cold wet nose against his right cheek. He felt a warm tongue lick his cheek and he relaxed.

“Yeah, I want to be your friend too,” he said. Devyn moved under the tree until he reached the trunk. He sat with the trunk against his back and the dog sat beside him. Devyn began petting the dog. His hand sliding up and down the thick furry back.

“Looks like we both need a place to sleep,” Devyn said. “I don’t mind sharing if you don’t.”

It was a little warmer under the tree. The low branches were blocking the wind. He might just make it. His sleeping bag should keep him warm for tonight. He would just have to decide what he wanted to do tomorrow.

Devyn unrolled the sleeping bag and crawled into it. The dog sniffed at the bag.

“Oh, want to share my bed, do you? Devyn said. “Well, you might as well. It isn’t like anyone is wanting to sleep with me.”

Devyn held open the sleeping back and the dog walked into it. He spun around three times and then settled down next to Devyn.

Devyn was not able to zip the bag up, but he could hold it closed enough to keep out the cold air. “We can keep each other warm,” Devyn said softly to the dog as he patted the dog’s head. He slowly began to drift off to sleep there under the tree with his arm around the dog.

“Sleeping there with that dog was my best night’s sleep in weeks,” Devyn said.

“You showed some real ingenuity,” Joe said. “It sounds like you were doing a good job for a while of keeping it all together.”

“Yeah,” Devyn agreed. “If it hadn’t been for the jerk of a janitor.”

“He definitely should have been more understanding,” Joe said.

“He was a prick,” Devyn said. “He could have let me finish spending the night there. It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.”

Joe could still see the hurt and sadness in Devyn’s face. “Is there something else?”

“Yes,” Devyn said. “All the mistakes I made.”

“As I said,” Joe began rubbing Devyn’s leg. “Everyone makes mistakes. We learn from them. We fix them. We go on.”

“I had sex,” Devyn said. He could not meet Joe’s eyes. He looked at the man’s broad chest and the cords of muscle that came from long hours of manual labor “I had lots of sex with lots of men,” Devyn said. “Who will want a guy who did what I did. Who will want to be my boyfriend if they know?”

Reaching over Joe took Devyn’s chin in this hand. Lifting the teen’s eyes to meet his own. “You are a wonderful man. You overcame all of that. You are the strongest person I know. Other men might have broken under the strain Tom put you through. You are not giving yourself credit for surviving it. Not only did you survive Tom’s abuse but you protected Todd from him. You saved Todd even though it cost you quite a bit. Any guy would be lucky to have you. One day you will find the right guy. The guy who doesn’t care about that stuff, but a guy you can tell it all to, and he won’t judge you. He will love you.”

“But it was you,” Devyn said. “It was you and Hannah.”

“We supported you,” Joe agreed. “But you overcame it. You got past it. You turned your life around when the opportunity was there, and we love you. Hannah loved you and I love you. Travis loves you. That little boy downstairs looks up to you like a big brother. He doesn’t care about the bad judgments you made in the past. He only cares about the wonderful brother you are now.”

“I guess,” Devyn said.

“There is no guessing,” Joe said. “It is true.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. “Did the conversation with Ethan bring this up?” Joe asked, concerned. “Did Ethan say something or do something?”

“No, no,” Devyn said. “Ethan was great. He is a good guy.”

“Then what was it?” Joe said.

“I saw the three of you in the cab and felt… felt a little…” Devyn’s voice trailed off. He knew he had been feeling sorry for himself.

“What did you feel,” Joe asked. “A little left out?”

“I guess something like that,” Devyn said. “I felt like I kind of; did not belong.”

“You always belong here,” Joe said. “You are family. No, you are more than just family.”

“You really think of me as family,” Devyn said.

“I would not have made it through Hannah’s death without you,” Joe said. “You were my rock through all of that. You gave me strength.” Joe’s voice got a little tight. “That is something I will never be able to repay. I guess I never said it. Maybe I never say it enough. I love you and I never want you to feel like you don’t belong here. You always belong where I am.”

Devyn could feel his own throat getting a little tight. He could see the caring in Joe’s eyes. He could hear it in the thickness of the man’s voice. How could he ever doubt this man’s caring for him? “Thanks Joe,” Devyn said. “I guess I was just being stupid or something. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. Then looking at the picture of me and Brent just added fuel to my mood.”

“We all go through periods of depression,” Joe said. “It is easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves. But don’t do something you know is going to make it worse. Do something that will make it better.”

“You know Brent used to make me feel better,” Devyn said. “Before, when I was sad or down or whatever, just seeing him always made me feel better. That last time I saw him, I felt better the moment my eyes landed on him. That is until he hurt me. His betrayal hurt more than anything else.”

“I’m sure it did,” Joe said. “The ones we love the most, have the power to hurt us the most.”

“I wish I was more like you,” Devyn said. “You are so strong and confident.”

“I wasn’t always like this,” Joe said. “We have quite a bit in common.”

“We do?” Devyn asked.

“Like you, my dad caught me,” Joe said.

“Really?” Devyn said surprised.

“Yes,” Joe said. “Out there in the barn.”

“Were you, um…?” Devyn started to ask but changed his mind. “No, it doesn’t matter.”

“I was sucking a guy’s cock,” Joe said bluntly. “Down on my knees with his dick in my mouth.”

“Shit,” Devyn said. “I, um, was, I mean Brent was, well fucking me on my bed.”

“Absolutely lousy timing huh,” Joe said.

“For sure,” Devyn said. “I felt so ashamed.”

“Me too,” Joe said. “The look on my Dad’s face was the thing that hurt the most.”

“Did he, um, kick you out?” Devyn asked.

“He kicked the other kid’s ass,” Joe said. “He was older, and Dad thought he had been forcing me to suck him off. I got quite the beating as well and promised to never do anything like that again.”

“Did he force you?” Devyn asked.

“He pressured me, but he didn’t force me,” Joe said. “I looked up to him because he was older. So, he did take advantage of that.”

“Brent saying I pushed him into it, hurt more than anything else.” Devyn looked down at Joe’s chest. His mind briefly reliving the moments of Brent telling him that Devyn had pushed him into having sex.

“I know you did not force Brent,” Joe said. “You would not do that.”

“But Brent was the one…well the one that wanted to be…I mean he wanted to be inside me. He asked if I minded him going first.” Devyn’s mind was replaying the conversation and Devyn accepting that he had never pushed Brent into having sex.

“Devyn,” Joe said. “Brent was afraid. You guys had been caught screwing. His parents were pressuring him. He wanted to blame someone. You were the best option for him.” Joe leaned towards Devyn. He pulled the boy against his bare chest. He kissed Devyn softly. “Now get a shower. You still smell like the pond.”

It was then that Devyn realized he had been lying on his bed totally naked. He had been lying on top of the blankets totally naked in front of Joe.

“Shit!” Devyn said. And grabbed the pillow and put it over his lap.

Joe laughed. “Closing the barn door after the horse is out, aren’t you?”

“I… I am,” Devyn stammered. He felt his face growing red.

“Devyn,” Joe said. “I have seen you naked before. I saw you naked earlier today. You have no reason to be embarrassed.”

“Um, about what happened at the pond,” Devyn began his face burning. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You mean popping the boner?” Joe said smiling.

“Um, yeah,” Devyn admitted. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“You are a teenager,” Joe said. “It happens to all of us. You could rub against a tree and get hard.”

“Yeah, but I was the only one in the pond with a hard-on,” he said looking down at the pillow covering himself.

“Who said you were the only one,” Joe said.

Devyn glanced up at Joe. His eyes were moving to meet Joes. “You?”

“I was in the pond with two very sexy guys. One of whom was wriggling his naked body all over me. So yeah, I got hard. It is natural. Never be ashamed around me or embarrassed. Like I already said. I love you. Nothing is going to change that.”

“I do not know what I did to deserve you in my life,” Devyn said. “I love you too.”

“I think we both got lucky,” Joe said. He reached out and pushed the brown locks back out of Devyn’s face. His eyes found Devyn’s again. “You need a haircut.”

Devyn made a soft snorting sound. “That is something my Dad was always saying to me. Funny that was really the only disagreement we had…well until he found out about me and Brent.”

Joe could see the hurt in those eyes. He could see the sadness in the lips. “I am sorry he couldn’t understand. I am sorry. You know my own Dad couldn’t understand me being gay. He thought it was sick and perverted.”

“I guess we have that in common,” Devyn said, his eyes meeting Joe’s.

“Yeah,” Joe said, “I wish you had someone like Hannah to turn to when your Dad found out. She was what saved me. It looks like there is a plan for all of us. She saved me, so I could be there for you and now for Travis.”

“You went to live with her?” Devyn asked. He knew Hannah had been the older sister. She often referred to Joe as her big brother but that was only because he was tall and broad shouldered. She was three years older than Joe. He would have liked having a sister like Hannah. He still felt his throat getting tight when he thought about her and all she had done for him.

“I have never told anyone this,” Joe said, his voice husky with emotion. “Where that rope is hanging at the pond that is where she saved me. Dad and I had just had a big fight. He had beaten me rather good. I felt worthless. I thought I was disgusting. I was a stupid little faggot who should have never been born. I still don’t know how she knew to go out there. I was fifteen and she was eighteen. I can still feel the rough fibers of the rope around my neck. If she had been seconds later, it would have been over. I would have stepped off and it would have all been over.”

Devyn could not believe what he was hearing. Joe had been about to hang himself. Devyn felt his stomach flip over at the idea of Joe committing suicide.

“It is one reason you shouldn’t focus on things that make you sad when you are depressed,” Joe said. “When you are feeling like that, never lock yourself alone up here. Come find me. I know how you feel. Maybe not exactly, but I have some idea.”

Devyn looked into Joe’s eyes again. He could see them glistening in the light. He could feel the man’s pain. He had a hard time believing Joe had ever been that insecure. In his mind’s eye he tried picturing that 15-year-old boy with the rope around his neck. It was hard to put Joe’s face on that image. Devyn could just see him; standing there on the bank, getting ready to leap off and it almost made Devyn sick. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” Devyn moved and threw his arms around Joe. He hugged the man so tight he was surprised it did not hurt. Joe’s hands went around Devyn. His hands sliding up and down the smooth skin of Devyn’s back. Devyn’s voice was barely a whisper as he said, “Thank you for not taking that step. I love you and cannot imagine a world without you in it.”

They held each other for several minutes longer. “Gawd,” Joe said as Devyn leaned back on the bed. “I guess we are both in an emotional place tonight.”

“I guess,” Devyn said, rubbing the tears from his eyes with the pillowcase.

“Hey guys,” Ethan called up the stairs. “We are starving down here.

“Get your shower,” Joe said, getting up from the bed. “Sounds like the kids are getting hungry.”

“Sure,” Devyn said. “Um Joe.” Joe stopped at the door and turned back. “Have you ever, um, thought about doing that again?”

“No,” Joe said. “I have felt depressed and been hard on myself but never considered it again. Hannah told me she would kick my ass if I ever tried anything like that again. Hell, she would probably come back if it ever entered my head.”

“I think she would,” Devyn said. “And I would be right there to help her.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Joe said. “Now hurry up. I’m feeling hungry myself.”

The talk with Joe helped Devyn get out of his mood. He realized that Joe and Ethan might be a couple, but Devyn always had a place with them. After dinner, the four of them settled down to watch a movie. Travis only made it about halfway through before he fell asleep; they all ended up turning in early. Joe and Devyn had both done a morning’s work before going swimming and they were exhausted. Ethan also seemed tired. Devyn wondered if part of Ethan’s eagerness to go to bed was, so he could snuggle up to Joe. Devyn felt a brief stab of jealousy, but it passed. He wanted Joe to be happy and Ethan seemed to be the man to do that. The future is always changing, so Ethan and Joe might work out and they might not. Either way, Ethan was currently what Joe wanted and needed.

“He seems better,” Ethan said when he and Joe were alone in Joe’s bedroom. Joe had just come back in from carrying Travis upstairs and tucking him into bed.

“We had a nice talk,” Joe said. “I sometimes forget he is a teenager and is still sometimes moody.”

“So, things are fine?” Ethan asked, his voice concerned.

“Yes,” Joe said. “He is adjusting. Hell, he is probably doing better than I was at his age. We are similar, you know. I mean in our coming out or being found out. It was a hard thing for both of us.”

“I guess I am lucky,” Ethan said. “My parents were surprised but accepting. It wasn’t the traumatic experience you and Devyn had. How bad was yours?” Ethan was curious. Joe had danced around the topic but never gave Ethan any details about it.

“Similar to Devyn’s,” Joe said. “You know caught in the act by a father that wouldn’t handle the truth about his son.”

Joe slid into bed next to Ethan. His naked body was sliding up against the younger man. He pulled Ethan in close, feeling the smooth skin of Ethan’s back and chest. His other hand, finding the slightly fuzzy curve of Ethan’s round butt. “Are you sure you want to hear about that now?”

“I, um, always want to know more about you,” Ethan said as Joe’s fingers were dancing up and down his ass crack. He found it harder to think about anything but the blood surging into his male organ.

“Maybe we should talk about it some other time,” Joe said. Joe’s hot breath was caressing Ethan’s ear, as his hands were caressing the man’s chest. Joe’s fingers were finding Ethan’s erect nipples and teasing them.

“Oh, oh,” Ethan gasped. “You will do anything to change the subject.”

“Well, you did make me a promise earlier today,” Joe said.

“I did?” Ethan said, feeling Joe’s body moving over him.

“You did,” Joe said, covering Ethan’s naked body with his own. He then covered Ethan’s mouth with his own. Joe’s tongue was dancing along Ethan’s lips until they parted and then he was pushing into Ethan’s mouth to battle Ethan’s tongue.

Ethan’s arms were around the man on top of him. They were sliding up and down Joe’s muscular back. Ethan loved the feeling of those strong shoulders, the curve of Joe’s back and the solid muscle of the butt that filled out blue jeans like a superstar. Ethan’s hands gripped Joe’s ass and were massaging those cheeks as the kiss broke.

“I took care of a problem you had earlier and now it is your turn to pay up,” Joe said and wiggled, rubbing his hard manhood against Ethan.

“Oh, that promise,” Ethan said. “I definitely want to pay up.”

“Good,” Joe said. “I am going to collect. Joe began kissing his way from Ethan’s ear down over the smooth jaw line to the college boy’s lips. He kissed them and then down over the chin and along Ethan’s neck.

Joe loved the feeling of Ethan’s tan skin against his own. He loved how smooth the college man’s body was. He had just enough hair in all the right places. Finding Ethan’s nipple, Joe began sucking on the erect nub. He could feel Ethan wiggling in pleasure, as he moved from one nipple to the other. He took turns between each of those sensitive, eraser sized nubs. His tongue was swirling around them. It was coating the areola with his saliva and his teeth were grazing the tips of the nipple.

“Oh Joe,” Ethan moaned. Ethan’s arm was bent and his fingers were running through Joe’s thick head of hair. The things this man could do with his mouth and tongue were amazing.

Joe licked his way back to the center of Ethan’s smooth chest. He kissed and licked his way down to Ethan’s little belly button and he followed the little trail of blonde hair down to the trimmed patch of Ethan’s pubic thatch. Ethan’s cock was erect and dripping with his lust. Joe bypassed it and went to Ethan’s smooth balls. He licked and sucked on each of those round orbs. His tongue was sliding all over that smooth sack. Joe’s tongue went back farther, to caress the area between Ethan’s balls and tight pucker.

“Oh shit,” Ethan moaned. “Oh shit!” Ethan moved his legs farther apart and pulled them back towards his chest. He was giving Joe easy access to every part of his body.

Joe’s hands were running up and down Ethan’s legs. He flicked his tongue over Ethan’s smooth balls one last time, then it was moving to Ethan’s tight little pucker.

Ethan could feel Joe’s hot breath caressing his hole. He knew what was coming and he was on the edge, anticipating what Joe would do. He felt the man’s hands sliding over his round butt. He felt the man’s thumbs touching his hole. Then the heat of hot wet saliva as Joe’s tongue flicked over his pucker. “Oh…oh…oh,” Ethan moaned in pleasure.

Joe’s tongue was probing Ethan’s opening. He was pressing it harder and harder against the college boy’s hole. He felt the anal ring relaxing, allowing him to probe inside the boy’s opening. He used his thumb to massage and stretch the sphincter muscle. He loved hearing the moans of pleasure coming from his partner. He loved how much pleasure he was giving this man.

Ethan pushed himself back towards Joe’s probing tongue. He wanted more. He could feel those fingers working on him as Joe prepared him. “Oh, please Joe do it man. Please fuck me.”

“Oh, is that what you want?” Joe asked smiling up at the sexy man from between his legs. Ethan’s belly was covered in pre-cum from that leaking college cock.

“You know I do,” Ethan said, his eyes almost begging for it.

Joe moved to his knees. He had been on his belly eating Ethan’s hole. He rubbed his own dripping cock against Ethan’s anal opening. He could see the boy twitching as he teased him.

“Oh, please stop teasing me,” he begged. “Put it inside me.”

Joe leaned forward and grabbed the tube of lube off the nightstand. He returned to Ethan’s hole. He squeezed a large blob directly onto the little pucker. He then set to working the lube inside with his fingers. First one finger and then two were working at stretching and loosening the boy up for Joe’s ample cock.

“Oh, oh yes,” Ethan panted as Joe added a third finger to the tight opening. Once he believed Ethan was ready, Joe added more lube to his cock and positioned it against Ethan’s anal opening. Leaning over the younger man, he placed the head against Ethan. His eyes were looking directly into Ethan’s. Joe loved watching Ethan as he entered the other man.

“Please do it,” Ethan said, his eyes pleading for Joe to be inside him.

Joe leaned his head forward and kissed those lips like his cock was kissing Ethan’s anal ring. He pushed forward and with a little effort his fat head entered Ethan.

“Ahahahaha,” Ethan moaned into Joe’s mouth.

Joe waited giving Ethan time to accept him and then he pushed more into the guy. Inch by inch he forced his cock into Ethan’s hole. Inch by inch his cock disappeared into Ethan. He stopped only when his balls and pubes were against the younger man.

“Oh yes,” Ethan moaned.

“You are so tight,” Joe moaned, as he pulled back and slowly slid into the man again. “You are so tight and hot.”

Joe began a slow thrusting in and out of Ethan. His rock-hard member was slowly disappearing and then reappearing. His thrusts were slow and steady as he penetrated Ethan.

Ethan’s moans were growing as Joe picked up the pace and started driving himself in, harder and faster. Each of them was breathing harder as their love making intensified. The grunts and moans of pleasure were filling the room. The sound of skin slapping against skin was growing. Joe could feel his balls churning with his need to dump his load into the man. He could see Ethan, growing closer to his own climax. Ethan grabbed his cock and started pumping it. He knew he was close and he knew Joe was as well. He did not have to stroke himself long. “I’m going to…,” Ethan said and his cock was erupting, sending jets of cum blasting up onto his chest. The first strand was landing on his chin as he was shooting his load.

Joe heard the moan of pleasure. He felt the man’s ass clamp around him as Ethan’s climax went through the man’s body. His own cock could hold back no longer. He slammed hard and deep into Ethan, as his cock began sending jets of seed into the college hunk. “Ohohoh!”

Panting and sweating, the two men rode the wave of pleasure. They wanted the wave to last forever but although it felt to them as if it lasted for long minutes, all too soon they were sliding the wave down into the warm feeling of sexual completion. Joe kissed Ethan softly as he let the other man relax his legs. He tasted the cum and licked it off Ethan’s chin and lips. He rolled to the side and pulled Ethan’s sticky body against him.

“You are amazing,” Ethan said.

“Next time you get to do all the work,” Joe said smiling with satisfaction.

“That is a deal,” Ethan said, and snuggled against Joe. His sticky load was getting smeared all over the other man.

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