Castle Roland

I Don't Know
Who I Am

by David Spowart


Chapter 1

Published: 12 Oct 15

I don't know who I am

Story by
David Spowart

The one thing in my life that has been constant is my Mother, but things became so hard when she discovered she had kidney trouble, I obviously loved my Mother so offered up one of my own, but she insisted other avenues should be sought first, she was entered onto the donor register

So without my mother knowing, I myself went and got tested and when the results came back shock…… I was not a match, how was I not a match, I am her son, her blood.

Doctors told me there were countless reasons that I was not a match and it does happen within families. My mother was an only child, I did not know my father, he ran off when I was still a baby couldn't live up to his responsibilities.

Hi my name is Jack Park, I am 22 years old, living in Boston with my Mother, I attend M.I.T and have for two years, I am a wizard with computers, there is not a program I can't work or manipulate, I have been headhunted by Microsoft, Samsung, and many others, but I am yet to decide what I want a career in, yeah computers will play a huge part in my decision, but a part of the machine, a cog, I want more than that, I see myself as a Bill Gates, or Steve Jobs, not a clock payroll number.

But for now my main concern is my Mother, oh I should not grumble, but I do have a high IQ so overthinking things has always played a huge part of my life, yeah I do tend to over analyse things. But something was bugging me and it had me distracted. I have never questioned my parentage or even thought about it… Until Now.

When I told my Mother that I was not a match, well I have learned to read people, part of my over analysing nature, body language. When I first told her the response was not one I was expecting, she had no surprise no shock, she already knew I wasn't a match.

So thoughts from that day three weeks ago had my mind racing, how could she know, then a recent thought hit me, am I adopted. I am not a match because Liz Park is not my real Mother, it initially shocked me, but I still loved her, she raised me more or less single handed. So no difference to me that I am adopted, but hey I am 22 she should have explained that to me by now. So before I confront her I will ask for a DNA test at school, I have a friend that deals with this sort of shit, so I will ask him, and besides, he is my boyfriend, and has been for over a year. Jamie Ramsey, future surgeon, but right now a lab rat.

"Hey Jamie" I said walking into the Lab, and kissing him on the cheek, "Hey to you too" he replied with his brilliant white teeth smile. "Jack" he started and as I have said I can read people and his stance was not one offering good news. "I am sorry man, but your suspicions were right, she has no familial connection to you" he informed me, and to be honest I had worked it out, but nevertheless it hurt to hear it.

"So you gonna talk to her" he asked, and at this moment I just need it to sink in, I have the desire to find out my origin, you know why she adopted me, does she know who my birth parents are, do I have brothers or sisters, are my real grandparents alive, that sort of stuff.

"I need time to think babe" I replied. And I kissed him and left the lab, I walked to the library and sat in a corner just thinking, I knew from experience that this was the place to come sit and think, the peace and quiet was deafening.

I need to talk to Mom, she is the one with the answers, and well I need those answers. I arrived home a short while later and entered the living room; mother was ill but did not know how serious yet.

"Hey Mom, how are you feeling" I asked, "Ohh, it's not so bad today honey" she replied, as I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Mom I need to ask you some things, are you up to it?" I asked, and she replied. "When you gave birth to me, how was it, the birth I mean" I asked hoping she would come clean.

"Oh, you were not a difficult birth, only an hour of labour" she replied keeping up the deception. "oh I am pleased you never had to suffer" I kept up my questions, but not being obvious I was on a fishing trip. "You have never caused me anything but joy, honey" she replied. "New York, it was New York, my place of birth, right" I asked, and she started to get agitated. "Why the sudden interest honey" she asked, concern written all over her face, body language sending off all sorts of panic.

"Oh nothing, Jamie just asked where I was born and how my birth was, a class he is doing are something" I could deceive just as well, her body language somewhat sated.

"Okay, I am getting a bit tired honey, we can talk later if you want" she responded, rolling over on the over-stuffed sofa and covering herself with a small travel rug.

I left her and headed for my room, and sought out answers elsewhere, as I said I am a computer wizard, and going through records even sealed ones has not proved much of a challenge to me, I looked up the hall of records online for New-York and went through births deaths and marriages. I could not find a registration of my birth, no surprise since I believe I was adopted, but why is she lying to me, we have never deceived each other as far as I know, I mean I came out to her in highschool, so no secrets from my end.

I went in a different direction on my search, I looked for my mother's medical records, and took a while but found them, date of birth social security number all matched, I looked at around my date of birth, and yeah Pregnant at the time I would have been carried by her, but then a bolt of lightning hit me and hit me hard.

Mrs Elisabeth Louise Park, Miscarriage on 17th March 1991, at 02:47am NYUH

My mind now went into overdrive, all questions and no answers, she miscarried six months into her pregnancy. If she was pregnant why adopt, am I adopted, fuck!!

I had to do some serious research, and I need to know who the fuck I really am, I heard my mother shouting for me and ran downstairs, she had fallen and was on the floor, she was crying in pain holding her back, her kidneys were failing and I needed to get the hospital involved.

The ambulance arrived some twenty minutes later, my mother's face drained of all colour, they masked her up and we headed to Boston General. An hour later a Doctor came and told me her kidneys were shutting down, and that a donor was needed and needed fast.

"Is she awake?" I asked. "She is but she is very tired" he replied.

I went ICU to talk to her, she needed to tell me some truths, she was dying I needed to find some relatives who would match, her life depended on this.

"Hey Mom, how you feeling" I asked sitting next to her bed, "Doped up" she replied with a smile. "Mom, I know, I know you are not my real Mom, but hey, I Love you no matter okay" I started and the look in her eyes was one of desperation. "What are you talking about, I gave birth to you" she replied with anger. "Mom, you miscarried, you are not my real mother, you are my mom, but not in blood" I responded, trying to hold her hand.

"Who has filled your head with this nonsense, Jamie, It was wasn't it Jamie?" she responded with more anger, her heart rate rising by the second.

"Mom you need to calm down" I insisted, "I am your mother, right I will hear no more of this, you hear, I gave birth to you" she said, calming down, I did not push.

Her stubbornness was overwhelming she would rather stick to her lie and die, than tell the truth and possibly live.

The following day my heart broke, my mother died and I was devastated, Jamie was a rock to me, he held me up so I would not fall, he was strong when I had no strength, I still had a million questions but the means to find the answers had died, and besides I don't think she would have yielded anything I would have been satisfied with so for the next few days I just grieved.

After the funeral service, I had the task of sorting Mom's stuff out, old letters insurance policies, deeds to the house that sort of stuff, Jamie helped with this hard task, I mean going through your deceased mother's stuff at 22, should never happen, but life sometimes sucks.

Two days into sorting stuff to be tipped and stuff to go to charity we headed for the attic, we went through a lot of stuff, old winter things of mine and mom's from by gone years, she couldn't part with anything. She was a hoarder not extreme but a hoarder nonetheless.

Jamie found a trunk, and we opened it, and found all my baby stuff, my booties my bibs, it brought a smile to my face and to Jamie's we found all sorts of papers, some irrelevant, I could not find my birth certificate. Just another mystery.

"Hey what's this?" asked Jamie holding up a hospital wrist band for an infant. I reached out and read the label, still clear as the day it had been written.

Blain Martin St-Patrick born June 21st 1991 boy NYUH

Jamie stared at me in shock, my jaw had dropped I was stunned, I had no words for what was going through my head, she couldn't have, no she was not capable of such a horrible act, she……No she couldn't……could she?

"I need my laptop" I said to Jamie and we left the attic with wrist band in tow, I went straight to my room and fired up my laptop. I went straight to public archives and searched the dates around Blain's birth date, "Please be wrong please be wrong" I whispered out and Jamie holding my arm as the screen loaded up with a headline reading.

Baby Taken from NYUH

"She stole me, her baby died and she stole me" I whimpered out. "Jack you need to speak to someone, your mother is dead, she won't be harmed in this now, you want answers, now you have a place to start" Jamie responded, again being the strong one, as all my strength had deserted me.

I have over the past few weeks, lost my Mother discovered I may have been adopted, and now discovered I had actually been kidnapped, so much to deal with, I am mourning the death of the woman that raised me, I cannot hate her, she raised me with strong morals and values, but I still have to face the facts, she stole me, I have to inform the relevant people, and discover who I really am.

Blain Martin St-Patrick born 21st June 1991, my birth date was wrong, I have celebrated my birthday on the 16th June, and not the 21st I need to find my true family, they had lost a child through a woman who obviously suffered some sort of breakdown after miscarrying her own infant, but she stole me, I need to mind the St-Patrick's.

After a few days of research I discovered the family I had been denied, Mary St-Patrick was married and had 3 children, one missing, she was still married to Roy, and had two kids living at home, one in College in New-York and one attending Julliard. The days of social media turned up most of the information I needed especially if you know how and where to look. They looked happy; the photos were of a happy unit, missing of course was me.

I found the address, but thought better to call first, and lay some ground work, I did not want to give them a heart attack. I found Mary's phone number with a little digging, as I said computer wiz, and if you know where and how, you can find just about anything.

My heart was racing as I began to dial the number, Jamie sitting at the kitchen table with me, the phone began to ring, when a voice answered

"Hello St-Patrick's home" a young man's voice replied.

"Can I speak to Mary please" I asked, my voice was shaking,

"Can I ask who is calling?" he asked, and very good question, I had to think.

"Hello, who shall I say is calling?" he repeated.

"Tell her it's Jack Park, she doesn't know me" I replied.

"Just a sec, I will get her………MOM, a call for you" he yelled, and I heard a woman's voice coming towards the phone, my Mother's voice.

"Who is it" I heard her ask her son, my brother. "Someone called Jack Park" he replied.

"Hello, Mary St-Patrick" she introduced.

"Ermm hello, Mrs St-Patrick, … sorry I don't know where to start" I stumbled.

"What is it concerning" she asked.

"Blain" I replied, and the anger from her response was shocking, she got the wrong idea of the call and obvious I am not the first one who has called out of the blue like this.

"Oh crackpot season is here again, Blain was stolen from us the day he was born, you going to tell me you know where he is, do you know how many calls I have had in 22 years, I know every one, you my deluded friend are number 298, hasn't my family suffered enough" and she slammed the phone down.

I sat there stunned and devoid of what to do next. "She has been hurt so much, and my mom did that" I cried out, and my phone rang.

"Hello" I asked

"Sorry, I may as well get what you have to tell me, you spotted my baby and you think there is a reward for him yes?" she asked and he could hear sorrow in her voice.

"No you have it all wrong, look I think I am Blain" I blurted out.

"Look this is evil, how could you do this" she cried.

"Blain Martin St-Patrick born 21st June 1991 NYUH serial number NY21342AX" I responded.

"Oh my god, oh my god" she screamed out, "Roy……ROY" she yelled, and began to cry

"Blain, Blain is calling us, he found us, Roy it's Blain, he has the wrist band, he has his birth wrist band, he read out the serial number to me, Roy it's my baby" she babbled out, almost incoherent.

"Hello" a man's voice began to talk, and Mary crying on the other end of the call.

"Is she okay" I asked. "Shocked, and why wouldn't she be" he asked, "Look I am sorry, but I only recently discovered all of this, three days ago I was mourning the loss of my mother, I thought I was adopted a week earlier, as she had kidney trouble, and I was not a match, and my brain went into overdrive, and when my boyfriend and I searched the attic I discovered the wristband, and well this is where we are" I informed him, realising I had come out to my dad.

"What did she call you" he asked, "Jack……Jack Park" I replied. "Okay Jack where are you right now" he asked, "Boston, Sir" I replied.

"Do you go to school, are you in college?" he asked, "2nd Year at M.I.T" I replied. "How where you treat" he asked, "Sir, she raised me well, I have no complaints, she was a good mother" I responded.

"Jack, oh my god, I cannot believe I am talking to my son" Roy replied, obvious tears where in his eyes as well as Marys.

"Dad" I said not really comprehending what I had just said. "Sorry Mr St-Patrick" I corrected. "Jack, please don't apologise call me dad, as I am indeed your dad" he sobbed out.

"Dad, is it okay to come and see you and Mary, I am having difficulty comprehending her as my Mother, I never had a dad, so that for you is easy, so give me some time okay" I asked and informed.

"First off, of Course you can come and see us, we would die to see our son, I only saw you for 5 minutes before you were snatched, sorry Jack I don't want to speak ill of the person who raised you but she took from us……you understand don't you" he replied, "Yes dad, I understand" I replied.

"So when are you coming to see us" Roy asked.

"Well since Newark is reopening today, how about Tomorrow" I asked, "Yeah sure, Sandy hit the area pretty hard, but we escaped serious damage, Bring your partner with you, we would love to meet him" he added.

"Thank you, he would love to" I replied.

"Jack, we have thought and prayed every day for your safe return and now we know that prayer has been answered" Roy added.

"Tomorrow dad" I replied and hung up the phone. My tears now falling freely.

"Jamie take me to bed and hold me, I need to be held" I said sobbing into his shoulder, with the realisation that over the past 22 years I had been living a bereaved woman's fantasy, she believed she carried her baby to term, and brought me up, her husband obviously was not prepared to go along with this deception, walked out, never informing the authorities.

Tomorrow I am flying to be reunited with the family I had been denied, a family I craved, I have a brother and a sister, I am looking forward and not back. The questions I had are now being answered and by my parents, tomorrow I will find out my history the family history, who my parents were and are, I will find out who I am, the main question buzzing over the past month was who am I , tomorrow that question will have an answer.

Please comment, I love feedback.

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