Castle Roland

I Don't Know
Who I Am

by David Spowart


Chapter 3

Published: 26 Oct 15

I don't know who I am

Story by
David Spowart

I sat in the back seat of the station wagon with Jamie and Marcus, nothing really being said, Jamie keeping his hand on my arm for reassurance, "Ever been to New-York Jack" Marcus asked, and I smiled "Just when I was born, Mother" and I stopped as I knew that sentence would end in hurt for these people. "Sorry" I added. And again my arm being squeezed by Jamie.

"Jack we are going to have to know what she was like eventually" Roy, my dad responded. A short while later I responded. "Mum did not want to come to New-York, she said this was where her husband and the person who I thought was my dad, left her" I eventually replied.

"I think the police would be very interested in that man" Mary spat out. "Why?" I asked, "He could have informed the authorities and we could have gotten you back safe and sound" she added, "Look I am sorry" I got cut off, "Jack you have nothing to be sorry for, you were an innocent in all this" she interrupted.

"That's not what I was apologising for" I replied, being all defensive. "Look Mum brought me up well, I have strong morals and values, she put me through college supported me every step of the way, she cried in my arms when I came out, she was strong, yeah I am aware she stole me, but I for one cannot condemn her, I have no right, you all however do have that right, but I won't hurt her memory" I said and silence once again hit the car.

"Look I am sorry if you wanted me to hate her, but I cannot, she showed me nothing but love" I added and once again the squeeze to my arm.

"Jack sweetheart, I know you have a history with her, but I was denied that opportunity" Mary added, "Yeah I know, and yeah you were hurt, but if you only knew the woman, you wouldn't believe her capable" I added. "But she did" Roy added. And once again silence befell the car, it was not long before we pulled into a lane and outside an amazing townhouse.

"Wow, this is beautiful" responded Jamie, trying to lighten the mood, and I for once had to agree, it was very ornate and beautiful and I squeezed his arm.

We entered the house via the front door and an elderly lady stood there with a smile on her face, and then I was introduced. "Jack this is Margaret O'Neil" she introduced, "Jack this is my mother, your grandmother" Mary added, and I was stunned and shocked, yeah I wondered if any of my grandparents were alive but seeing this little old lady, okay an exaggeration she looked late fifties at worst.

"Oh wow, Blain,... oh sorry Jack,... it's very nice to eventually meet my eldest grandchild" my Grandmother said, pulling me into a loving embrace, she had never set eyes on me before but there was genuine feeling in that hug.

I stood with tears falling from my face, just so much happening to me all at once I was overwhelmed. "it's a genuine pleasure to meet you...Grandmother" I nervously replied.

"Oh sweetheart if it is hard for you just call me Margaret" she responded, "No Grandma, it is" I replied kissing her cheek. "Oh child, you make an old girl blush" she replied.

"And this must be your young man" she added looking back at Jamie, and I introduced him to her, she showed no signs of prejudice, I have encountered much of that from her generation, different times, different times.

"It's nice to meet you Jimmy" she replied, "It's Jamie grandma" I corrected, "Oh forgive an old girl a little error" she giggled out.

"Jack I will show you yours and Jamie's room, I am sure you must be tired and want to freshen up" Mary said rescuing us form her mother.

"Thank you yes" I responded, and she took us up to the second floor and opened a large bedroom, with a large double bed, so no questions there, thank god, "The bathroom is through that door and clean towels are in that cupboard" she said pointing to a large closet.

"I will see you in about an hour for some refreshments" she said before turning to leave.

"Mary" I said and she turned, "I am sorry for what she did to" I said trying to satisfy her. "Jack I am just pleased you are safe and alive, I never stopped hoping ...that someday you would find us" she said, and she began to cry, I walked over and pulled her into an embrace, I was holding my birth mother and I cannot explain but it felt like I was betraying my mother's memory in doing so, I knew that emotion was wrong and I shoved it away.

"Mary I am very glad to meet you... you all" I added, wiping the tear away from her face and kissing her cheek, "Just give me a bit of time, I want to get to know my family as well as you want to get to know me" I added again kissing her cheek, not feeling as awkward as the first.

She smiled at that and repeated "Refreshments in an hour okay" she left the room closing the door.

"Hey you okay" Jamie asked, "Just too much at once" I replied, "They seem nice" he added, "I still cannot comprehend what my mother did" I sank to the bed, and Jamie sat next to me. "Jack I cannot even begin to know what is going through your head, but these are your family, okay yeah you don't really know them...yet, but just give them a chance okay" he said kissing my cheek.

I am going to the authorities sometime while I am here; I think Mary would want me too, it's the least I can do, a DNA test would be needed to confirm my identity, but the features of Marcus and Roy have told me all I need to know, and Marcus's fashion sense runs deep, I have the photos to prove it.

"Want to grab a shower first" Jamie asked, "Share" I replied, "What really" he added, giving me the you must be joking stare. "Just to get clean babe, I am not always horned up" I responded, with a grin that said, or am I.

"yeah okay save the planet and all that shit" he added, grabbing me into a kiss that always made me safe, a stupid word in the context of today but nevertheless he did.

We didn't play in the shower, it just felt wrong somehow, we came out dried each other off, dressed and went downstairs to again spend some time with my family.

Jamie and I walked into the dining room and looked at the people sitting at the dining table, nothing fancy just a standard dining table no food as of yet, but the smell coming from the kitchen was welcoming.

"Something smells good" I said as I walked in. "Oh Jack welcome" my grandma said standing to welcome me. "No Grandma please don't get up on our account" I responded, but to late her arm was wrapped inside mine as she lead me to the table.

"Jack I meant to ask you, any allergies I need to know about before I kill you with dinner" Mary asked. "None that I am aware of I laughed.

She placed a platter of roast potatoes and pork chops and various veggies, I was starved and didn't wait for an invite. "Healthy appetite anyway" Mary replied.

"Jack sorry for asking when your mouth is full, but did you bring any photos of you growing up" Roy asked, whilst himself devouring a pork chop. I wiped my mouth and answered. "Yes I brought quite a few, and one that will freak Marcus out somewhat" and he looked at me puzzled.

"Interesting" Roy replied.

We ate in relative silence and then went into the living area, I had left the messenger bag containing all the photos on my Laptop, and fired it up. And one by one the Images appeared and Mary had a tear in her eyes, the years of development stolen from her. Somehow I would have to make it up to her.

After about forty minutes the highschool photos appeared and the one with my fashion sense that had somehow disappeared, what was I thinking back then, I mean bright green trousers a red sweater and purple hair. "Geek" Marcus yelled.

"Cannot argue Marcus, but look at that photo and look in the mirror before name calling" I laughed out. Then the one of my graduation was hard for Mary and also for Roy. She looked lost; she could only force a smile at best. I mean I have absolutely no idea what she went through, and what she is going through.

"Do you have one of her" Mary asked "Mum?" I asked and it hit me what I had just said, I promised myself I would make it up to her and the first chance I got I fucked it up. "Sorry, I mean yeah I do, sorry Mary" I said in a sullen voice.

"Can we see it" she asked with emotion in her voice. "You sure?" I asked not wanting to prolong her agony further. "Please" she replied. I flicked through my files and brought one of Mum before she became ill.

"She looks pretty" Mary replied. "I don't recognise her" Answered Roy "What do you mean?" I asked. "Never saw at the hospital, did you sweetheart?" he asked Mary. She did not reply her eyes never left the screen. Looking at the woman that denied her motherhood and my own heart sank.

"Thank you" she whispered out. She stood up and walked out of the room. "I am a bit tired, I am going for a lay down" she said and closed the door. I looked over at Roy. "Give her time, she has been through so much" he said squeezing my shoulder.

"What games do you have" asked Marcus, I was lost at the day's events lost in thought and didn't hear what he asked. "Jack?" he repeated.

"Sorry what?" I asked harsher than intended, I had not deliberately hurt my birth mother but had done just that. "Sorry Marcus, what did you ask?"

"Games what games do you have on your laptop?" he repeated. "Ohh a few, here knock yourself out" I replied handing him my laptop.

"Thanks, I won't break it"

"You want to get some air" Jamie asked and I nodded, I told Roy, my dad that I was taking a walk. We walked down the lane surrounded by trees some obviously damaged by the recent storm, a couple being taken down by workers, too damaged to be left, I saw a car almost flattened by one.

"I forgot about sandy hitting here, they got away with it by the looks of things" I said walking down towards town. We spotted a couple of the shops boarded up, the coffee shop looked unscathed and open for business.

We ordered our coffee and sat down.

"Jack you have to give her time, I mean she has just seen the photo of a woman that stole her kid" said Jamie. "Don't you think I don't know that" I again responded harsher than intended. "Sorry, I mean I keep hurting this woman, I don't want to do that Jamie, but I do, me just being here is killing her. I think we should just leave.

"Don't be an idiot, you leave that will kill her and I mean literally, you need to do this babe, you have to get to be her son, she deserves that much" he added, and I knew he was right. But I had just buried the person who raised me as her son, how do I forget about that and become Blain St-Patrick, I am lost to what to do.

"I need to speak to the police, the FBI I was kidnapped so the case is cold but still on-going, I need to make her happy by making it official, my name is going to be Blain but known by Jack" I said decision made. "The Park bit can go, I never knew the man, and have no loyalty to it" I added.

"So you are doing what exactly" he asked me. "I have no official paperwork from any town hall, I have school documentation that is all for my identity and we know that is false" I added. "I will change my surname to that of my parents, that's a good start, I don't have a second name so Blain it will be, Blain Jack St-Patrick, but known as Jack, that should do shouldn't it?" I asked

"I love it" Jamie replied.

"Okay lets head back, I need to speak to my Mother and Father" I said with a smile. "I will call her Mary, for now hopefully at some point I will call her just that...Mother" I said walking out of the coffee shop and heading back to my parents' home.

We walked in and Mary was sitting with Roy at the table, looking at the photos of me on the laptop. "Sorry Jack, Marcus left it on, and well we just" I interrupted, "Look you don't need to apologise, feel free, look there is something I need to tell you though" they sat up I had their attention.

"We need to speak to the authorities, they need to know that I am here and who I am" I started. "Look I have been brought up as Jack Parks, I have no loyalty to that man's name, so if it is okay I would like to take your name...St-Patrick" I added. "Jack that is your name, so no we don't have any issue with you using it, in fact we would love you too" replied Roy.

"I like being called Jack, so I am not losing that but I have a compromise if it is okay, my official name if okay with you Mary wold be Blain Jack Martin St-Patrick, but known by Jack" I concluded and waited for a response.

Mary stood up and walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. "Jack you can call yourself what you want to, I have my baby back, my beautiful baby boy" she cried into my shoulder, tears now filling the room even from Jamie, it was very emotional.

To be continued...

Sorry for the Kleenex moments in this story but it has to be that way in the beginning. Any comments please let me know what you think, and if you are reading my stuff for the first time please check out my other Stories.

David Spowart

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